6w2d

I've been pretty nervous all day due to this SCH.  It is so upsetting about not knowing what is happening and though everything looked great with the baby 2 days ago, I have no way of knowing if things are still okay.  I can't wait another 4 weeks when I can use my doppler regularly.

Yesterday was my first blood and spot free day.  I had nothing from Wednesday night and then around dinner time last night I started spotting again, so almost 24 hours.  The bedrest was getting to me though.  However then over night I had another red bleed.  Today it has just been brown spotting all day so I am glad about that, but worried why I had another red bleed.  It seems like I can't even make it 24 hours without having a full out red bleed.  I don't know if this means the SCH is growing or what :(  I have also been spending a lot of time on the babycenter SCH board and I don't think that is a good idea because all it does is scare me more and makes me worry about all the things that can go wrong and how if we even make it out of the first trimester this SCH can cause 2nd trimester m/c thanks to PROM or placenta aruption.

I really hope the u/s next week is good.  The only thing I have to be relieved about is that it isn't ectopic or blighted ovum so I don't have those worries, but I am still scared shitless that the heart will stop and there is nothing I can do about it.

It is worse since dh has told me we aren't cycling again so if this pregnancy fails there is no more 2nd chance :(

DH has been a real jerk today.  First he makes me stop at Burger King on the way home from our call today.  Since we did well on the call and I needed to pee, I agreed.   Well he threw a fit in the restaurant about wanting a drink (however he never ordered one) and stormed out.  Seriously it is like he has PMS.  Then I ask him to clean the litter box and he freaks out about some of the cat shit falling outside the garbage by accident.  He then starts claiming how tired he is and how he is convinced he has lyme disease.  It really pisses me off because if he was so tired he wouldn't be able to play his xbox at all.  I really think he is addicted to that thing and he throws a fit whenever I ask him to do anything else.  It is really annoying me, especially now with me being limited on what I can do.   Sometimes I feel like an only parent and really dh should be supportive of me and waiting on me instead all he has done today is raise my blood pressure.  On the way to the call this morning he forgot to bring the cooler bag out with the vaccines so after we were half way there we had to drive back home to grab it.  Well dh starts yelling and we argue in the car which I really didn't need.

I know a lot of it is related to his ADHD and now thanks to his psychicist leaving who knows when his meds will be increased.  He was given a 3 page list 6 weeks ago to find another doctor - has he found one - nope.  Oh and he also had yesterday off work so it isn't like he is so busy he couldn't do these things, nope yesterday after he took the car for an oil change he sat and played the xbox all day.  I tried not to complain though because I knew he needed to come with me on this big call today and he also has to go grocery shopping this week since I can't now unfortunately.  I now think the reason why dh didn't want me to get pregnant again was because he knew he would have to take on more responsiblity around the house here and he didn't want to do that.

I don't think dh is a bad man, just think the xbox and ADHD is not a good mix and neither are helping him at all and it is just so frustrating.