5w2d

Well the spotting yesterday stopped shortly after it started.  The more I think about it I am pretty sure it was just from straining too hard and irritating my cervix.  I have to remember from now on not to push too hard.

I have a good feeling about this pregnancy and that is why I couldn't believe the spotting could be bad yesterday.  Same thing happened with my last pregnancy when I spotted at 6 weeks from straining too much as well, and the SCH at 8 weeks.  Though both times were scary, I knew deep down that everything would be fine and it was.  However my first pregnancy I had no sign that anything could be wrong, but I couldn't let mysef be happy with that pregnancy.  I mean I was overjoyed to be pregnant and it did shock me when we lost the baby, but I think because everything moved so fast - doing ivf before it had even been a year and getting pregnant the first cycle it just all seemed to go too perfect and I felt out of place.  That I couldn't relate to other pregnant women and I couldn't hang out on the infertile boards like I used to.  I felt completely isolated.  It wasn't like that with my last pregnancy, or this time either.

I really think this will be our THB.  Though saying that it doesn't eliminate all the fears and I am terrified, just trying to take each day at a time and be assured that this pregnancy will work and it will go better than last time.

My mom phoned again last night.  I hate having to talk to her because I can't say anything yet and I feel like I'm lying by holding back the pregnancy news.  However, I just can't take telling her yet since I know how unsupportive she has been about us trying again and doing ivf.  When I told her about my last pregnancy and the twins, her immediate response was "Just great, now what are you going to do trying to care for two babies at the same time?"  Needless to say it took until I was 6 months along for me to talk to her again on a regular basis.