5w5d

I wanted to make a happy post this morning about the bleeding/spotting stopping.
Things died down yesterday with only red/pink spotting in the morning that then turned to red/brown spotting and by noon just brown discharge. 
I napped from 12-2 yesterday afternoon and there was no blood or spotting at 2, then a tiny tiny bit of red streak at 4, then nothing the rest of the afternoon or evening. 
I went to bed at 8:40 last night and thought for a moment to take off the pad I was wearing all day since it appeared that the episode was over, but decided against it and lucky I did.
I woke up just after midnight and when I went to the bathroom I saw I bleed a bit onto the pad and a bit on my underwear where the pad didn't cover that went through my pj bottoms.  Not sure how I always managed to bleed outside of the pad no matter how big of a pad I put on.
The bleeding wasn't heavy, but it was red bleeding.  I would label it as a light flow, and if I didn't know I was pregnant I would say AF arrived.

After this it was very difficult to go back to bed again.  It isn't good that the bleeding picked back up and this time there was a flow.  I repeated going to the bathroom at 1 and 2 and there was still a very light flow into the toilet but no more on the pad.  At this point I decided to put in a crinone just incase my progesterone was low.  I know crinone won't affect a blood draw and figured it was the min I could do to try and save this pregnancy.  The crinone appicator was bloody when I pulled it out which rules out the blood coming from another location other than my uterus.

The good news is after the crinone the bleeding stopped and the spotting turned brown and also slowed down.  I don't know what to make all of this.  Is my progesterone too low?  Am I subconsciously or consciously trying to prevent a m/c, however when I am asleep and the resistance goes down is when the blood comes because I can't stop it.  I know this sounds stupid because no matter how hard a person tries they can't keep AF or a m/c away, but I just don't understand why the bleeding is only happening at that time when I am in bed fast asleep.  Meanwhile when I am awake it dies down and even stops.

I had to go for my third beta today.  I am praying for a good number, but not quick sure a beta today will tell me much since my last one was 7 days ago.  Unless it is below 2533 or not much higher I don't think a conclusion can really be drawn.  I asked if my progesterone will be checked since I have the bleeding episodes.  The secretory said that they will see and if they do they can just run it off the same sample as the hcg.

DD was suppose to go for her therapies down the cape today, but I just called and cancelled.  I figure it wasn't worth the risk and I really want to be home here when the nurse calls.  I also cancelled mine and dh's counselling session for tomorrow so this way I can stay on bedrest for the next day and a half.   I figure if it is a SCH I want to be lying down as much as possible and if it is a m/c I don't want to be out and around people.

DH has told me that this is it.  That he is done with this ivf stuff and if this pregnancy doesn't work out he is not doing this ever again.  I don't blame him though.  I think most people will feel this way.  After already having two losses with two pregnancies and failed ivf's, it is more stress than anybody should ever have to take.  I am just pissed that I am not even 6 weeks yet and we are already dealing with major complications.  Why can't I ever have a normal care free pregnancy?  The only thing I am holding on to is the hope everything will be okay.  My two losses happened with no external signs.  Meanwhile whenever I had bleeding or spotting in pregnancy everything was always okay with baby.  Of course this doesn't stop me from freaking out when I see blood and wishing it would stop, I just try to keep reminding myself that it doesn't mean it is the end.  I haven't had large bleeding, clots, or cramps so that is a good sign.