Today was the first day I got a blaring bfp on the $tree. I think my problem before was I only put 3 drops in (since this is what it says on the back of the box). Well I am here to tell you 3 drops hardly shows anything. Today I probably added 5 drops and I got a nice dark line.
FRER looks like yesterday. Surprisely, yesterday I thought that test looked like the day before, but now 11dpo test is very faint. I don't know what is up with these frer. I still have my frer from 3 years ago and they look the exact same they did back in 2009, but these frer seem to fade after 2 days. I guess I won't be hanging on to these tests. Anyways, I am trying not to let it bother me that the frer doesn't look much different. It is just a tad lighter than the control line and I don't think it gets to that darkness until the beta is higher (probably around 200 or something). If I could guess I would say my beta is probably around 100 today which would be an average number for tomorrow so a very good number for this early on. I don't go for my official beta until Thursday so hopefully by that time it will be over 200.
Despite all this I am petfied and almost had a breakdown yesterday from the stress. I am terrified that I will start spotting or that my numbers won't rise. 75% of m/c happen by 6 weeks so these next couple of weeks will be very very stressful. Of course even after that I can't breathe a sign of relief because my first pregnancy ended after great betas and perfect first u/s and hb. Even reaching 12 weeks isn't a reassurance because we had 7 perfect u/s with ds before finding out at the anatomy scan that something was wrong. This worries me too, since I will feel better once I reach 10-12 weeks and can at least listen daily with my doppler, but ds had a good hb up to his death at 21 weeks. He just didn't grow for those last 6 weeks, something that would have never been discovered without an u/s.
It then worries me that I am so worried for this pregnancy. I pray it is not a bad omen. I guess the only comfort I have is I lost my last two babies after I thought I was safe. With pregnancy #1 I relaxed after the first perfect u/s and my RE said my chance of m/c now is only 5% from the normal 20%. Well, my baby died a few days later, but I had no sign so it was a shock when I went for the 2nd scan feeling great about being discharged from the RE and finding out the baby was dead.
Because of this my 2nd pregnancy I didn't let my guard down, until I got a few weeks past the 2nd trimester. By 14 weeks I started to feel better, and by 17 weeks all the fear went away when the babies looked perfect and my ob reassured me that I would know if anything bad was going to happen now. So I actually went into the anatomy happy and excited to find out the sexes of the babies. I still listened to their hb that morning so I knew I would not get the same shock as #1 since they both had great hb on the doppler and so were alive. I mean what could go wrong. Well we found out ds hadn't grown in the last 3 weeks (he was measuring 15 weeks in size and I was 18 weeks). My ob had a tiny u/s machine so that is why it wasn't picked up the previous week because they both looked similar in size then. However because of this I had trouble believing this until we went back to my ob at 20 weeks and then it was clear as day on his tiny u/s machine that ds was only 1/5 the size of dd.
So maybe it is a good sign that I am nervous because when I let my guard down that is when bad stuff happens. For the reminder of my last pregnancy after ds's death I had my guard up. I checked with my doppler daily until I got put in the hospital at 29 weeks, even though during this whole time I could feel dd. I never even put the stroller together until after dd was born because I was afraid of losing her too and it being too hard to return after it was put together and the box thrown away.
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