So I have been off progesterone now for almost a week and haven't spotted for almost 2 weeks now. I really hope this means the SCH is gone for good and the rest of the pregnancy will be clear sailing. I still haven't felt distinct movements yet, though have been feeling things that could be movement for about a week now, but don't want to say anything until it feels more like kicks instead of flutters.
Today I decided to go grocery shopping again with dh instead of sending him alone like I have had to do for the last 5 weeks. It was tiring, but at least I got to pick out everything I want. I have been trying to keep the amount we buy though to a min though until the food money gets approved. I sent all the paper work on Tuesday so hopefully it won't be too much longer.
On other news, dh's background check came back good to do his work in the school so we are pleased because we were worried that the dismissed charge from 2 years ago was going to prevent him from completing his course. He still has to get the record sealed though so when he starts student teaching next year there won't be a problem.
Still haven't received the info from the school board about dd's EI transition. I asked her therapist on Thursday and she said to give it until Tuesday because she did send it in. She then said that they usually like to wait until closer to 3 to do the testing, which I told her isn't really going to possible with me being due right around dd's birthday. I really want to get this preschool stuff all set by the end of the year, so she said to try and see if they can do that. Unfortunately she is due in 2 months so not sure how much longer she will be working and able to help us with this transition process.
Also still no call from cps. They said they would call Tuesday and it is Friday. I guess they don't see the need to call to say the case is closed. It does make me wonder about the way cps is run though. At first they were so anxious to get ahold of us, and now they won't even call even days after they said that we would hear from them.
When we were at the grocery store today there was a older woman there with a newborn (she said the baby was born September 11). She took it out of the infant seat and the grocery staff were holding the baby and fussing over it. Found out that the baby was a foster child. Anyways, I was so sickened with this scene. For one, taking a 2 week old baby to a grocery store shouldn't be done, and then even taking the baby out of its seat and passing it around to the grocery staff to see. I wouldn't ever do this, and it upsets me that this woman who is suppose to be protecting this baby is doing this. If I was this baby's mother and found out a foster woman had my newborn out and being passed around in a grocery store I would be pissed. It is one thing to run to the store with a newborn that you have wrapped around you or close the canopy, and another to be holding it up and passing it around, plus being a foster baby it isn't even like this baby was getting immunity from breastfeeding. I know that most people would be mad at the bio mom for losing her baby, but I'm not since you don't always know the bio mom's story of why her baby got taken. The baby didn't look like a drug baby, so I am guessing that the mom either lost her parental rights with a previous kid or something like that.
Anyways, the scene just left a very bad taste in my mouth.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
15w4d
Today is my first day off progesterone again. I still have 2 applications left but decided to hold off on it since I haven't spotted in a week now and incase I do need to start it again at least I will have a couple to get me through the first few days.
Other news is I think I am definately feeling movement tonight. Of course it may be another week or so until I fully believe it.
Other news is I think I am definately feeling movement tonight. Of course it may be another week or so until I fully believe it.
Friday, September 21, 2012
15w2d
So far it has been 5 days now of no spotting. I really hope this means the SCH is gone for good. Of course I still plan to take it easy for the next week and likely will be on pelvic rest and restricted lifting for the remaining 25 weeks.
I really can't wait until I can start feeling movement. Last night I thought I was finally feeling flutters, but it is hard to say. Since I felt kicks so much from 8-10 weeks when I knew was impossible to feel anything, same with for months after birth, it has made me wonder if what I feel is real or not.
CPS can for their visit again today. DH showed them the house again and we had dh's parents here for support. The woman said that since the concern of the messy house seems to have been taken care of very likely the case will be closed, but she needs to submit it to her supervisor first and we will hear from her on Tuesday. So it looks good that this nightmare will hopefully be over. I really hope so because we have enough stress in our lives right now and don't need the added stress of cps there too.
I really can't wait until I can start feeling movement. Last night I thought I was finally feeling flutters, but it is hard to say. Since I felt kicks so much from 8-10 weeks when I knew was impossible to feel anything, same with for months after birth, it has made me wonder if what I feel is real or not.
CPS can for their visit again today. DH showed them the house again and we had dh's parents here for support. The woman said that since the concern of the messy house seems to have been taken care of very likely the case will be closed, but she needs to submit it to her supervisor first and we will hear from her on Tuesday. So it looks good that this nightmare will hopefully be over. I really hope so because we have enough stress in our lives right now and don't need the added stress of cps there too.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
15 weeks
I have been very busy the last few days so couldn't update, so this will be a brief overview of half my week so far.
Monday - had my ob appt at 9. It went better than the other times. I immediately told the doctor about how the spotting just ended the day before and how I started on the progesterone again because of the cramping. He was fine with me being on the progesterone and immediately brought in the u/s machine to have a look because of the ongoing spotting. It was still hard to see the screen because of the glare, but got to see the head, spine, and heartbeat sort of. He saw the placenta and said it looked good and attached and no sign of any bleeding. I wish he would measure the baby, but I guess I just have to wait for the 3 weeks for the anatomy scan for that. I asked about the bloodwork from the NT scan, he said he doesn't get anything until after the 2nd tri screen and all he had was the NT measurement which we knew. I told him how I really was worried about the bloodwork since that is what was bad last time and looking back it was the first sign there was something wrong with the placenta. He then said that if the pap-a was abnormal that he usually gets a call and he never got a call so that helped ease my fears a lot that history will not repeat itself and that this baby's placenta will be good and we won't have growth problems like last time. I don't know what my bp was since they never tell me but assume it was normal since he never mentioned it. I am also up 1.5 lb from my prepregnancy weight of 226 which is great. I don't go back for another 4 weeks, but at least get to have the anatomy scan done in 3 weeks which is more important.
Monday afternoon I had to cancel dd's therapies so we could see a lawyer about this cps case. The lawyer did ease my fears by saying since the letter called it an "initial assessment" instead of an "investigation" that it is lower risk and the chance of them taking dd and this baby is very low.
His fees also weren't too bad, however we would have to pay an extra 3 hours for travel time because he lived 1.5 hours away. Anyways, we decided to forgo hiring him at this stage since we are hoping that the case will be closed since we have kept the place spotless and dd is well taken care of. If they decide to take the next step and open it up for a full assessment then I think we may hire him since those interviews are way more intense and involve a ton of personal questions. He expects Friday visit will only be a 10-15 min interview about their concerns and what we have done to improve things.
Tuesday - I took dd back to the library again in the morning for Mother Goose. Because of appts and the bleeding she hasn't been able to go to the library most of the summer. Unfortunately dd is horrible now when we enter and leave the library because she sees the playground at the school beside it and she wants to go there and I can't let her with being on restriction because of the SCH. I did ask FIL if he could come to the library when we go next Wednesday, that way he can help with her playing at the playground.
Wednesday - We had to go to court this morning for a payment review with our old landlord. We sat there for 2 hours until their lawyer called us and then told us that we never even had to go there today that since we have been paying every month all we needed to do was call his office a few days ago and have it continued until December. I was thanks for telling us this now and you really could have told us this an hour ago after the clerk went through the rollcall of all the cases for today. So now we have to call just before December 12 to get it postponed again which I hate. We aren't going to have money for 2 years until dh graduates so don't see the point of calling every 3 months for 2 years until our financial situation changes and by then we will just pay the whole bill in full. Still pissed that we even have this judgement against us since they broke the law charging us for wear and tear after 7.5 years, however since they have a big shot lawyer and we couldn't afford anyone the odds of winning were basically nil from the get go and then even when I tried to appeal their lawyer threatened us saying we would have to pay his bill if we went through with the trial so we had no choice but to pull the appeal.
I am currently at the stage today where ds growth stopped. I am not sure how long he did grow for, but he never grew past 15 week in size and between 18 and his death at 21 weeks there was no growth at all, not even one day. So this point in pregnancy marks a major step for me. Now just need to get through the next 3 weeks until the anatomy scan and pray this baby is continuously growing and is healthy. If we get a good scan in 3 weeks only then will I feel so much more better and more like that we will have a baby at the end of this winter.
I haven't spotted now for 4 days. I am hoping that this means the SCH is gone for good, but not trying to get too excited since I thought that before and went 3 weeks without spotting only to end up with a big bleed. Anyways, I have stopped wearing pads which feels great.
Monday - had my ob appt at 9. It went better than the other times. I immediately told the doctor about how the spotting just ended the day before and how I started on the progesterone again because of the cramping. He was fine with me being on the progesterone and immediately brought in the u/s machine to have a look because of the ongoing spotting. It was still hard to see the screen because of the glare, but got to see the head, spine, and heartbeat sort of. He saw the placenta and said it looked good and attached and no sign of any bleeding. I wish he would measure the baby, but I guess I just have to wait for the 3 weeks for the anatomy scan for that. I asked about the bloodwork from the NT scan, he said he doesn't get anything until after the 2nd tri screen and all he had was the NT measurement which we knew. I told him how I really was worried about the bloodwork since that is what was bad last time and looking back it was the first sign there was something wrong with the placenta. He then said that if the pap-a was abnormal that he usually gets a call and he never got a call so that helped ease my fears a lot that history will not repeat itself and that this baby's placenta will be good and we won't have growth problems like last time. I don't know what my bp was since they never tell me but assume it was normal since he never mentioned it. I am also up 1.5 lb from my prepregnancy weight of 226 which is great. I don't go back for another 4 weeks, but at least get to have the anatomy scan done in 3 weeks which is more important.
Monday afternoon I had to cancel dd's therapies so we could see a lawyer about this cps case. The lawyer did ease my fears by saying since the letter called it an "initial assessment" instead of an "investigation" that it is lower risk and the chance of them taking dd and this baby is very low.
His fees also weren't too bad, however we would have to pay an extra 3 hours for travel time because he lived 1.5 hours away. Anyways, we decided to forgo hiring him at this stage since we are hoping that the case will be closed since we have kept the place spotless and dd is well taken care of. If they decide to take the next step and open it up for a full assessment then I think we may hire him since those interviews are way more intense and involve a ton of personal questions. He expects Friday visit will only be a 10-15 min interview about their concerns and what we have done to improve things.
Tuesday - I took dd back to the library again in the morning for Mother Goose. Because of appts and the bleeding she hasn't been able to go to the library most of the summer. Unfortunately dd is horrible now when we enter and leave the library because she sees the playground at the school beside it and she wants to go there and I can't let her with being on restriction because of the SCH. I did ask FIL if he could come to the library when we go next Wednesday, that way he can help with her playing at the playground.
Wednesday - We had to go to court this morning for a payment review with our old landlord. We sat there for 2 hours until their lawyer called us and then told us that we never even had to go there today that since we have been paying every month all we needed to do was call his office a few days ago and have it continued until December. I was thanks for telling us this now and you really could have told us this an hour ago after the clerk went through the rollcall of all the cases for today. So now we have to call just before December 12 to get it postponed again which I hate. We aren't going to have money for 2 years until dh graduates so don't see the point of calling every 3 months for 2 years until our financial situation changes and by then we will just pay the whole bill in full. Still pissed that we even have this judgement against us since they broke the law charging us for wear and tear after 7.5 years, however since they have a big shot lawyer and we couldn't afford anyone the odds of winning were basically nil from the get go and then even when I tried to appeal their lawyer threatened us saying we would have to pay his bill if we went through with the trial so we had no choice but to pull the appeal.
I am currently at the stage today where ds growth stopped. I am not sure how long he did grow for, but he never grew past 15 week in size and between 18 and his death at 21 weeks there was no growth at all, not even one day. So this point in pregnancy marks a major step for me. Now just need to get through the next 3 weeks until the anatomy scan and pray this baby is continuously growing and is healthy. If we get a good scan in 3 weeks only then will I feel so much more better and more like that we will have a baby at the end of this winter.
I haven't spotted now for 4 days. I am hoping that this means the SCH is gone for good, but not trying to get too excited since I thought that before and went 3 weeks without spotting only to end up with a big bleed. Anyways, I have stopped wearing pads which feels great.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
14w3d
It has been a very busy week working and then adding in this cps investigation my time has been extremely limited. I go to the doctors again on Monday and praying that I can get him to agree to an u/s between now and Oct 10 to look at and measure the SCH. I am spotting brown every day, but not very much and many times I have no spotting so I pray that this means the SCH will be totally gone. I have another week and few days of crinone. Pray that I won't start cramping when I stop it for the third time. Luckily I haven't had any cramping since 12 hours after starting the crinone last week so I know the crinone at least keeps that at bay.
I listen to the baby every night before bed. I am so grateful for this because it really is my only sign right now that I am pregnant since I still fit into all my prepregnancy clothes and can't feel any movement yet. I can usually find the heartbeat within a couple seconds, though last night it took 25 minutes because the baby was so low. I was really starting to get worried why I wasn't hearing it. This same thing happened a week ago too, not sure why the baby likes to go very low like that but it is very nerve racking.
I had my pregnancy loss group meeting on Thursday night. There was a new woman there that just had a 36 week loss 2 months ago so we all had to say our story again. I did tell the group at this time that I am pregnant. I hate having to break the news like this. I know it wouldn't upset the others because they have all had kids since there losses, except for one, but I don't think I could keep it from them anymore and lie about it since they would have found out in a few months anyhow. It is just hard because I don't want to make anyone upset or uncomfortable especially this girl who is just new in her grief. I must say though that sitting through everyone's stories again even though I have heard them many times I found especially hard because all the women there except one who had an infant loss had losses at 35-38 weeks. It was so hard being pregnant and trying not to worry and hear their stories about how they weren't feeling much movement or went to the doctor and couldn't find a hb with doppler and then having to have an u/s to confirm their baby who was just alive the day or two before is now dead. One woman actually lost her child after just taking a nap. She had a normal NST that morning, went home took a nap, still wasn't feeling movement when she woke up so went back in and now her baby was dead. It just goes to show you there is no safe period with pregnancy and in any second your child can be taken from you.
As for the cps thing, they came on Thursday and I had dh show them our spotless house, but we stopped the meeting since they refused for me to record it. We are seeing an attorney on Monday to protect our's and dd's rights and can hopefully put a stop to all this. I have gone through too much to have dd and also this pregnancy to have them both taken because of a stupid call made by some girl who was only in our house for 10 minutes and doesn't know us or our history.
I listen to the baby every night before bed. I am so grateful for this because it really is my only sign right now that I am pregnant since I still fit into all my prepregnancy clothes and can't feel any movement yet. I can usually find the heartbeat within a couple seconds, though last night it took 25 minutes because the baby was so low. I was really starting to get worried why I wasn't hearing it. This same thing happened a week ago too, not sure why the baby likes to go very low like that but it is very nerve racking.
I had my pregnancy loss group meeting on Thursday night. There was a new woman there that just had a 36 week loss 2 months ago so we all had to say our story again. I did tell the group at this time that I am pregnant. I hate having to break the news like this. I know it wouldn't upset the others because they have all had kids since there losses, except for one, but I don't think I could keep it from them anymore and lie about it since they would have found out in a few months anyhow. It is just hard because I don't want to make anyone upset or uncomfortable especially this girl who is just new in her grief. I must say though that sitting through everyone's stories again even though I have heard them many times I found especially hard because all the women there except one who had an infant loss had losses at 35-38 weeks. It was so hard being pregnant and trying not to worry and hear their stories about how they weren't feeling much movement or went to the doctor and couldn't find a hb with doppler and then having to have an u/s to confirm their baby who was just alive the day or two before is now dead. One woman actually lost her child after just taking a nap. She had a normal NST that morning, went home took a nap, still wasn't feeling movement when she woke up so went back in and now her baby was dead. It just goes to show you there is no safe period with pregnancy and in any second your child can be taken from you.
As for the cps thing, they came on Thursday and I had dh show them our spotless house, but we stopped the meeting since they refused for me to record it. We are seeing an attorney on Monday to protect our's and dd's rights and can hopefully put a stop to all this. I have gone through too much to have dd and also this pregnancy to have them both taken because of a stupid call made by some girl who was only in our house for 10 minutes and doesn't know us or our history.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
13w3d
I have now been dealing with this SCH for 8 weeks. Tuesday was my last day of the crinone and I started cramping Thursday night with the spotting turning red. By Friday the red spotting turned to a brown full on bleed. I know brown is better than red, but worried that the bleeding had gotten heavier again and I was still cramping pretty bad so I called the doctor to find out what to do. The nurse told me to go to triage. I asked if I can go to the hospital down the street from me or if I need to go to W&I and they said they prefer that I go to their hospital so off to Providence I went. Luckily I got right in, I guess W&I ER is more like labour and delivery floor. As I sat in the bed waiting for them to treat me, I had to listen to the NST going in the other room. The constant sound of galloping horses (known as the fetal heart beat) was starting to drive me crazy. I was immediately brought back to 30 months ago when I was in the hospital on bedrest for 2 weeks and having NST 3 times a day for an hour each time. I couldn't believe how much post traumatic stress I still hold from that experience and listening to this other woman's baby's heartbeating away brought it all back.
I would sometime lose my thought and imagine that is my baby I am listening too, then I have to remind myself it isn't. I can't wait until I get further into this pregnancy and can finally start feeling this baby. Right now it is not like I am even pregnant since I can still fit in my regular clothes and besides a few mild symptoms I feel like a normal unpregnant person. In fact I think if it wasn't for the ivf and knowing my cycle I could easily think I am just dealing with a horrible weird period since I have been bleeding so much over the last 13 weeks.
I was so hoping they would measure the SCH but all they did was a cervical check to make sure it is closed (not fun and I really think unnecessary since I know it would be closed since I wasn't m/c but dealing with a SCH). Then they did a vaginal u/s using a portable machine so they couldn't see things very great (the doctor made the comment about the machine being grainy). I was pretty annoyed about having a vaginal u/s at over 13 weeks and the fact that I was bleeding and shouldn't have anything unnecessary put in my vagina. The doctor was young (likely just finished her residency) and was with another young doctor (probably a resident). Seriously it felt like I was having 2 students work on me. Anyways the doctor then says she can't see any SCH so I left not knowing what to believe. Either this woman is blind or my SCH is too small to see which I can't believe with how much I have bled and spotted for so long.
So I get sent home with not really any new news. Baby is alive so they were happy. I don't know what to do. After I got home the bleeding had slowed down to spotting again. Then last night it turned red again for a brief time and then today back to brown and I was still cramping on and off so I went back on crinone and called the pharmacy to have another 2 week supply sent on Monday. This should bring me until 16 weeks almost and I am going to ask my doctor at the next appt if I can start the progesterone shots after this. I know that they only do it for woman who have had preterm labour so not sure if he will agree since I had 0 labour signs last pregnancy and the pregnancy only ended at 31 weeks because the doctors made it by doing a c-section. However I don't know maybe this pregnancy is different and I will end up with preterm labour because of this lingering SCH.
Anyways, I have been under a lot of stress lately because of events that have happened this week which haven't helped and I do blame on my bleeding getting worse. On Monday my dd got a scratch on her face from a door falling. It was only a bit swollen and red on Monday. Tuesday there was a bruise. I took her to school that afternoon and told her teachers. I was scared what they would think, but they were very understanding. I was also out all day Tuesday dealing with my car and running other errands. Then on Wednesday we had the NT scan again. Came home just in time to eat lunch and then we had a girl come that afternoon to interview for a babysitting job. I had posted 2 ads on care.com last week. One for a babysitter and one for a housekeeper since I am on restricted activity and can't do any housework. Anyways everything seemed okay when the girl was here. We spent 20 min talking and showing her the house. The next day my inlaws came over because we needed to pick up the bed we brought last Sunday. While dh and FIL did that MIL helped clean up the place. Then at 3 just before we were about to leave the door knocked. I assumed it was probably ups or fedex since I had to place a few orders in the last few days. Instead it was a social worker from children services. Appartently that girl that came to interview for the babysitting job the day before called child services on us because of dd's bruise and our place being messy. The woman wanted to look around and since we had nothing to hide I let her in thinking this will put an end to this stupid claim. The only thing messy about our place were some toys on the floor (most were picked up that morning so it wasn't that bad), dishes in kitchen from the last couple of days since we have been too busy to do them, dd had wiped off her sheets when she was down for her nap a few minutes before, and there were some of her clothes lying on the floor in her room - they were clean clothes that she pulled out of the drawer and I haven't had time to put back). They also didn't like that there is a mattress in the living room. I told her that FIL is here temporary until the end of the month and that is where he is sleeping (guess they thought dd was sleeping there). I told the social worker I had been on bedrest for 7 weeks and was looking for a housekeeper. I really didn't think given being on bedrest for so long that our place looked that bad with a toddler that can destroy a room in 5 minutes. I had hoped the case would be dropped there, but I guess not. The woman said that they have services to help us. I asked if they can help us find a housekeeper and they said no but they have other services to help. After looking online I found out what these so called services are (parenting classes, mental health evaluations, victim classes and drug and alcohol support). So yesterday when I was leaving the hospital a case worker called and I have to call her back to set up a time to meet us. I am at least glad we get to scheduled a time instead of them popping in unannounced, but still really pissed and upset with this whole experience. I already have enough complications with this pregnancy I don't need the added stress of a child services investigation as well when the last thing we would ever do is abuse or neglect our child that we worked so hard to have and I am so pissed that someone who doesn't know us and was only here for 20 minutes could potentially ruin our lives like this because of jumping to conclusions over my dd's bruise and our place needing a little cleaning which I was trying to look for someone to help. I had also told that girl all this when she first came on Wednesday, but guess me telling her these things didn't make her understand since she must have called the minute she left and got home. I am also upset that this is taking up their resources when they could be using it on investigating real child abuses and kids that need help. Heck I live in a very poor city and I could bet that 40% of the parents here are drug addicts (I know the obgyn clinic here is loaded with druggie pregnant women since my old obgyn used to work down here and couldn't stand it since the women wouldn't stop taking heroin or crack to help their growing baby inside them). No instead of investigating these parents they are going after me and dh who do everything for our child and I take her all over the state every week for her therapies and doctor appts to help her since EI can only offer her 4.5 hours a week. I guess this is why children end up dying in abused homes because cps is too busy going after families that have some toys and clothes on the floor and a few days of dirty dishes in the kitchen.
I would sometime lose my thought and imagine that is my baby I am listening too, then I have to remind myself it isn't. I can't wait until I get further into this pregnancy and can finally start feeling this baby. Right now it is not like I am even pregnant since I can still fit in my regular clothes and besides a few mild symptoms I feel like a normal unpregnant person. In fact I think if it wasn't for the ivf and knowing my cycle I could easily think I am just dealing with a horrible weird period since I have been bleeding so much over the last 13 weeks.
I was so hoping they would measure the SCH but all they did was a cervical check to make sure it is closed (not fun and I really think unnecessary since I know it would be closed since I wasn't m/c but dealing with a SCH). Then they did a vaginal u/s using a portable machine so they couldn't see things very great (the doctor made the comment about the machine being grainy). I was pretty annoyed about having a vaginal u/s at over 13 weeks and the fact that I was bleeding and shouldn't have anything unnecessary put in my vagina. The doctor was young (likely just finished her residency) and was with another young doctor (probably a resident). Seriously it felt like I was having 2 students work on me. Anyways the doctor then says she can't see any SCH so I left not knowing what to believe. Either this woman is blind or my SCH is too small to see which I can't believe with how much I have bled and spotted for so long.
So I get sent home with not really any new news. Baby is alive so they were happy. I don't know what to do. After I got home the bleeding had slowed down to spotting again. Then last night it turned red again for a brief time and then today back to brown and I was still cramping on and off so I went back on crinone and called the pharmacy to have another 2 week supply sent on Monday. This should bring me until 16 weeks almost and I am going to ask my doctor at the next appt if I can start the progesterone shots after this. I know that they only do it for woman who have had preterm labour so not sure if he will agree since I had 0 labour signs last pregnancy and the pregnancy only ended at 31 weeks because the doctors made it by doing a c-section. However I don't know maybe this pregnancy is different and I will end up with preterm labour because of this lingering SCH.
Anyways, I have been under a lot of stress lately because of events that have happened this week which haven't helped and I do blame on my bleeding getting worse. On Monday my dd got a scratch on her face from a door falling. It was only a bit swollen and red on Monday. Tuesday there was a bruise. I took her to school that afternoon and told her teachers. I was scared what they would think, but they were very understanding. I was also out all day Tuesday dealing with my car and running other errands. Then on Wednesday we had the NT scan again. Came home just in time to eat lunch and then we had a girl come that afternoon to interview for a babysitting job. I had posted 2 ads on care.com last week. One for a babysitter and one for a housekeeper since I am on restricted activity and can't do any housework. Anyways everything seemed okay when the girl was here. We spent 20 min talking and showing her the house. The next day my inlaws came over because we needed to pick up the bed we brought last Sunday. While dh and FIL did that MIL helped clean up the place. Then at 3 just before we were about to leave the door knocked. I assumed it was probably ups or fedex since I had to place a few orders in the last few days. Instead it was a social worker from children services. Appartently that girl that came to interview for the babysitting job the day before called child services on us because of dd's bruise and our place being messy. The woman wanted to look around and since we had nothing to hide I let her in thinking this will put an end to this stupid claim. The only thing messy about our place were some toys on the floor (most were picked up that morning so it wasn't that bad), dishes in kitchen from the last couple of days since we have been too busy to do them, dd had wiped off her sheets when she was down for her nap a few minutes before, and there were some of her clothes lying on the floor in her room - they were clean clothes that she pulled out of the drawer and I haven't had time to put back). They also didn't like that there is a mattress in the living room. I told her that FIL is here temporary until the end of the month and that is where he is sleeping (guess they thought dd was sleeping there). I told the social worker I had been on bedrest for 7 weeks and was looking for a housekeeper. I really didn't think given being on bedrest for so long that our place looked that bad with a toddler that can destroy a room in 5 minutes. I had hoped the case would be dropped there, but I guess not. The woman said that they have services to help us. I asked if they can help us find a housekeeper and they said no but they have other services to help. After looking online I found out what these so called services are (parenting classes, mental health evaluations, victim classes and drug and alcohol support). So yesterday when I was leaving the hospital a case worker called and I have to call her back to set up a time to meet us. I am at least glad we get to scheduled a time instead of them popping in unannounced, but still really pissed and upset with this whole experience. I already have enough complications with this pregnancy I don't need the added stress of a child services investigation as well when the last thing we would ever do is abuse or neglect our child that we worked so hard to have and I am so pissed that someone who doesn't know us and was only here for 20 minutes could potentially ruin our lives like this because of jumping to conclusions over my dd's bruise and our place needing a little cleaning which I was trying to look for someone to help. I had also told that girl all this when she first came on Wednesday, but guess me telling her these things didn't make her understand since she must have called the minute she left and got home. I am also upset that this is taking up their resources when they could be using it on investigating real child abuses and kids that need help. Heck I live in a very poor city and I could bet that 40% of the parents here are drug addicts (I know the obgyn clinic here is loaded with druggie pregnant women since my old obgyn used to work down here and couldn't stand it since the women wouldn't stop taking heroin or crack to help their growing baby inside them). No instead of investigating these parents they are going after me and dh who do everything for our child and I take her all over the state every week for her therapies and doctor appts to help her since EI can only offer her 4.5 hours a week. I guess this is why children end up dying in abused homes because cps is too busy going after families that have some toys and clothes on the floor and a few days of dirty dishes in the kitchen.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
13 weeks
I have been so busy the last few days it has been hard to update.
Yesterday took my car in for an oil change, fix the tone ring and to do the brakes and ended up being $1275 lighter :(
I was so hoping to pay off my credit card debt this month with FIL still being here, but guess that is out the window now. Plus FIL informed me that we will not receive the rent from him except only after his social security and veterns money goes in. I am starting to wonder if he lost his job and wonder how if he can't afford to pay us $500 a month how he will be able to rent a studio next month for $600 a month.
Today was my 2nd try for the NT scan. The went good. We had a much better tech this time. Unfortunately the baby still didn't want to co-operate much (despite me drinking two bottles of orange juice) so we were there for over an hour. At first he/she just wanted to lie on its belly so she got one measurement that way, but they needed to get 3. Then he was lying on his back, but his chin was too far down she said. Anyways she took 3 measurements ranging from 1.55 to 2 something. But then afterwards she comes back and says the measurement is 1.6 so I guess a few of the measurements she threw out because the baby wasn't perfect. The baby also measured 12w6d so only 1 day off so I was happy with that.
Only things I didn't like is she wouldn't look for the SCH since it wasn't written on the order sheet - need to complain to my doctor about that because it has now been 2 weeks since it was last measured and that was at the ER and I never heard the measurements. Also after the bloodwork I asked when I would find out the results and the woman said not until after the 2nd bloodwork which has to be done between September 20 and October something so I was pissed about that because last time the bloodwork was bad that hugely increased my risk and looking back it was the first sign ds's placenta was failing so I really want to know the results and individual values. I care more about that then about the stupid risk calculation that they do since the numbers can tell you more information and was the only reason why I wanted to do the NT scan.
Tomorrow we are finally going to get the bed we brought on Sunday, then have dd's 6 month WIC reassessment appt. Planning to tell them about the pregnancy so hopefully we will get more checks to cover the food costs since money is very tight right now with dh no longer working and in school fulltime.
As for the bleeding/spotting, yesterday was my last day using the crinone. The bleeding has died down from the last few days where I would fill a pad a day to now just mucusly red/brown discharge when I wipe so I don't know what to think. Really hope this is just the SCH bleeding itself out and not that it is growing larger.
Yesterday took my car in for an oil change, fix the tone ring and to do the brakes and ended up being $1275 lighter :(
I was so hoping to pay off my credit card debt this month with FIL still being here, but guess that is out the window now. Plus FIL informed me that we will not receive the rent from him except only after his social security and veterns money goes in. I am starting to wonder if he lost his job and wonder how if he can't afford to pay us $500 a month how he will be able to rent a studio next month for $600 a month.
Today was my 2nd try for the NT scan. The went good. We had a much better tech this time. Unfortunately the baby still didn't want to co-operate much (despite me drinking two bottles of orange juice) so we were there for over an hour. At first he/she just wanted to lie on its belly so she got one measurement that way, but they needed to get 3. Then he was lying on his back, but his chin was too far down she said. Anyways she took 3 measurements ranging from 1.55 to 2 something. But then afterwards she comes back and says the measurement is 1.6 so I guess a few of the measurements she threw out because the baby wasn't perfect. The baby also measured 12w6d so only 1 day off so I was happy with that.
Only things I didn't like is she wouldn't look for the SCH since it wasn't written on the order sheet - need to complain to my doctor about that because it has now been 2 weeks since it was last measured and that was at the ER and I never heard the measurements. Also after the bloodwork I asked when I would find out the results and the woman said not until after the 2nd bloodwork which has to be done between September 20 and October something so I was pissed about that because last time the bloodwork was bad that hugely increased my risk and looking back it was the first sign ds's placenta was failing so I really want to know the results and individual values. I care more about that then about the stupid risk calculation that they do since the numbers can tell you more information and was the only reason why I wanted to do the NT scan.
Tomorrow we are finally going to get the bed we brought on Sunday, then have dd's 6 month WIC reassessment appt. Planning to tell them about the pregnancy so hopefully we will get more checks to cover the food costs since money is very tight right now with dh no longer working and in school fulltime.
As for the bleeding/spotting, yesterday was my last day using the crinone. The bleeding has died down from the last few days where I would fill a pad a day to now just mucusly red/brown discharge when I wipe so I don't know what to think. Really hope this is just the SCH bleeding itself out and not that it is growing larger.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
12w3d
I know I haven't wrote in the last number of days. I have been busy working with it being the end of the month and end of the summer, plus there really hasn't been anything new to report.
It has now been 7 weeks since I started bleeding and though I had 3 week break from 8-11 weeks it feels like I have been spotting/bleeding and on partial bedrest this whole pregnancy.
I started having red spotting again on Thursday after a week of only brown spotting. Luckily it just lasted over night and for the last 2 days have just been brown spotting, but it does worry me how much comes out and I am forced to wear a pad 24 hours a day again. At this rate I will run out of pads in a few weeks and will need to buy more. Never thought I would be going down that aisle while pregnant. I thought it was one thing I didn't have to worry about buying :(
DH is now done working and starting Wednesday he will be a full time student. We shall see how this works out though it will be weird having him home all the time, but I am glad at the freedom that this now allows in our schedule. Of course he hasn't really pleased me so far his first two days off - when he isn't running the one or two errands I ask him each day he has been up stairs playing his xbox. Hopefully this won't continue and he is just starting to get it out of his system.
Also we were really looking forward to having his father finally leave. Though it has helped having him here over the past 8 months in terms of money and helping with dd, it has gotten to be too much. Unfortunately last night he made it official that he is changing his leave date again - he now says October 1. We have been dealing with this now for 4 months. First it was the beginning of May, then May 18, then the end of of June, then August 1, then September 3, and now on August 31 he is saying October 1. See a pattern happening here? I really don't know what to do. He is now living in the living room so at least dh can use the bedroom for his school work, but still, we don't have the room to keep him here anymore, but can't really throw him out on the street so we are kind of struck.
Right now, I just pray he is out before Christmas.
It has now been 7 weeks since I started bleeding and though I had 3 week break from 8-11 weeks it feels like I have been spotting/bleeding and on partial bedrest this whole pregnancy.
I started having red spotting again on Thursday after a week of only brown spotting. Luckily it just lasted over night and for the last 2 days have just been brown spotting, but it does worry me how much comes out and I am forced to wear a pad 24 hours a day again. At this rate I will run out of pads in a few weeks and will need to buy more. Never thought I would be going down that aisle while pregnant. I thought it was one thing I didn't have to worry about buying :(
DH is now done working and starting Wednesday he will be a full time student. We shall see how this works out though it will be weird having him home all the time, but I am glad at the freedom that this now allows in our schedule. Of course he hasn't really pleased me so far his first two days off - when he isn't running the one or two errands I ask him each day he has been up stairs playing his xbox. Hopefully this won't continue and he is just starting to get it out of his system.
Also we were really looking forward to having his father finally leave. Though it has helped having him here over the past 8 months in terms of money and helping with dd, it has gotten to be too much. Unfortunately last night he made it official that he is changing his leave date again - he now says October 1. We have been dealing with this now for 4 months. First it was the beginning of May, then May 18, then the end of of June, then August 1, then September 3, and now on August 31 he is saying October 1. See a pattern happening here? I really don't know what to do. He is now living in the living room so at least dh can use the bedroom for his school work, but still, we don't have the room to keep him here anymore, but can't really throw him out on the street so we are kind of struck.
Right now, I just pray he is out before Christmas.
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