So AF arrived late yesterday afternoon. I called the nurse at 2:30 to say it was here, even though it wasn't, but I knew it was going to come since by that time it had turned to red spotting. I didn't want to wait another day and be forced to drive to Lexington. Surprisely though I didn't have to go for cd 3 testing, only do a beta so I went in this morning. AF did real her ugly face about an hour after I talked to the nurse so in reality it did turn out to be day 1 yesterday.
So this morning I had to make the trek in to have my blood drawn for a pregnancy test because they won't let me start the pill otherwise. I find this really stupid since 99% of the women who take the pill don't need to do a beta before starting it. For 99% of the pop'n a period means not pregnant. Yet since we are IF we have to deal with this crap of not having people believe that you got AF and are not pregnant so instead we have to be poked some more to have a stupid test done to say yep there is 0 pregnancy hormone here. You know because it is just so likely that IF women are pregnant from a natural cycle and that heavy bleeding and cramping is just so common in pregnancy!!
Anyways low and behold the nurse calls me a few hours later and everything is good to go tomorrow to start the pills so guess we can conclude this is a real AF. Not like I would question it with the amount of pain I am in. I mean really if I did conceive it would be long gone by now from the amount of blood and cramps.
Oh and I also stopped in at CVS and asked the pharmist about my leftover bcp's. She agreed that for my packs the active pills are all the same so that means I don't need to waste $15 buying a new pack for only 10 nights. I wasn't going to ask the nurse this since last time she told me "no buy a new a pack to start". I couldn't really seeing throwing out $15 every cycle to only use half a pack of bcp.
So now I just need to reorder the rest of my meds, which should be in the tune of $105 and we will be good to go.
I go back on June 5 for my suspession check so it is looking like ER will be around June 22. Still no letter yet about my citizenship interview so I am hoping this means that it won't be until July. The other possiblity is it got lost in the mail so I hope that isn't that case. Anyways looks like it most likely be during ER time which is good. I can't say the same thing about ET yet though.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
12 dpo
AF still isn't here. I know that it could come today or tomorrow, just hate how it decides to take so long when I am waiting for it. It gets my hope up which isn't good. I also have no sign that AF is near. I did have a very tiny bit of red spotting yesterday so thought things would start, but nothing since then.
I really hope that it shows up by tomorrow. Wondering if I should take a hpt just to help bring it on. That seemed to work last time.
I really hope that it shows up by tomorrow. Wondering if I should take a hpt just to help bring it on. That seemed to work last time.
Monday, May 21, 2012
10 dpo
My chart was looking great up to yesterday. Yesterday's temp dropped and today's dropped even further. Looks like AF is getting ready to show up. For once I just wish I could be one of those urban legends of women who get pregnant naturally after ivf. Guess that is asking for too much :(
Oh well the good news is at least I should be able to start downregulating once AF shows.
I seriously don't understand how people get pregnant through sex. I don't mean about all the huddles the sperm have to go through, I mean I just don't understand how sex can = bfp.
I don't understand how women can just wake up one day and take a test without any clue what is going during each step of the process and without shooting themselves with shots and having surgical procedures done to cause it.
Oh well the good news is at least I should be able to start downregulating once AF shows.
I seriously don't understand how people get pregnant through sex. I don't mean about all the huddles the sperm have to go through, I mean I just don't understand how sex can = bfp.
I don't understand how women can just wake up one day and take a test without any clue what is going during each step of the process and without shooting themselves with shots and having surgical procedures done to cause it.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Being left behind by even IF friends
So today is cd 24 (7 dpo). On a normal cycle I would have AF now, instead I have another 4-5 day wait. I should expect AF mid next week and then it looks like ER will be around June 21-22.
Now with my insurance situation this cycle has a lot more pressure than the last two did.
I don't know what I will do if it fails.
I feel time is passing by and everyone around me is pregnant again, even people who gave birth long after me. Even the women who did ivf with me back in 2009 when I got pregnant with the twins. Only one women besides me out of our group of 10 or so isn't pregnant, but that may change in a month. One women is even 3 months pregnant with her third. I couldn't believe it. Even the fertile women on ff aren't that fast. Also all of them got pregnant naturally after ivf (except for one).
Now I am happy for these women since they don't have to experience ivf again, but I wonder why can't we be that lucky. Instead I have done 2 ivf since giving birth and still aren't pregnant.
Who would have thought that we were so IF. And here is the weird thing, most of the time I don't think of myself as IF. In fact when I hear about a couple experiencing IF I feel so badly for them and that I would hate to have that, and then I remember that oh yes, we are probably even more IF than the people I am reading about our. It is funny how that goes. I think it is a coping strategy in order to deal with this disease everyday.
Now with my insurance situation this cycle has a lot more pressure than the last two did.
I don't know what I will do if it fails.
I feel time is passing by and everyone around me is pregnant again, even people who gave birth long after me. Even the women who did ivf with me back in 2009 when I got pregnant with the twins. Only one women besides me out of our group of 10 or so isn't pregnant, but that may change in a month. One women is even 3 months pregnant with her third. I couldn't believe it. Even the fertile women on ff aren't that fast. Also all of them got pregnant naturally after ivf (except for one).
Now I am happy for these women since they don't have to experience ivf again, but I wonder why can't we be that lucky. Instead I have done 2 ivf since giving birth and still aren't pregnant.
Who would have thought that we were so IF. And here is the weird thing, most of the time I don't think of myself as IF. In fact when I hear about a couple experiencing IF I feel so badly for them and that I would hate to have that, and then I remember that oh yes, we are probably even more IF than the people I am reading about our. It is funny how that goes. I think it is a coping strategy in order to deal with this disease everyday.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Health insurance
So I received some bad news today. DH's school insurance will not cover me or dd. I am not sure why since insurance is manadated in MA. What are other students with children suppose to do? Go on MassHealth? Ya, that is really effective.
So I have 2 options when dh quits his job and we lose insurance at the end of the summer.
1. go on cobra - this isn't really an option though unless we can find someone to pay the premiums which it looks like premium assistance for cobra stopped in August 2010. I was hoping Masshealth would cover it, but for their premium assistance it looks like the person needs to be employed.
2. buy individual private insurance for myself. This is probably what I will end up doing. I looked online and there are some plans as low as $200 something a month. I found one I especially like by Neighborhood. It is under $300 a month, has a $250 deducible for health and drugs separately, and though it has co-insurance after the deducible is met (35% for health and 50% for drugs) they both have an out of pocket max of $2000 for the year. So one ivf cycle I would reach the max for both.
The other plans for that low of a premium had a $2000 deducible and then high co-insurance.
Hopefully this cycle works and I will only have to pay a low premium, but this will at least give me the option to cycle come the fall if I want to. Of course this is if I can get the SSI and food stamps to help save on costs. Also we can probably waive dh's student health insurance since he has masshealth. Not sure if that $1134 is already included in the fees. If it is, it will mean money back for us to put toward the private insurance premium.
Now the issue just remains when should I enroll. I found out that back in Dec 2010 MA passed a law to limit enrollment for private insurance. Now people can only enroll from July 1- August 15 (it seems like a state that has a law that everyone must have health insurance sure likes to make it very difficult for people to achieve this). Now I can probably be except from this due to losing a group plan. So if dh's insurance ends August 31 then I can probably have 2 months to apply even though it is past the open enrollment period. Also I read on one of the faq that self employed individuals can enroll any time because they are considered a small group even if they are only one person (boy do I really like the perks of being self employed). If this is true then I may be able to apply for the insurance anytime I want. Hopefully this also means I can stop it too at anytime. I really don't want to keep it until July 1 of the following year. I really only want private insurance in case we need to do ivf. Once I have a baby in my hands I won't need it anymore. Man, it is times like this that I wish we were fertile. Then I wouldn't have to think about buying private insurance in case we need to keep doing ivf.
So I have 2 options when dh quits his job and we lose insurance at the end of the summer.
1. go on cobra - this isn't really an option though unless we can find someone to pay the premiums which it looks like premium assistance for cobra stopped in August 2010. I was hoping Masshealth would cover it, but for their premium assistance it looks like the person needs to be employed.
2. buy individual private insurance for myself. This is probably what I will end up doing. I looked online and there are some plans as low as $200 something a month. I found one I especially like by Neighborhood. It is under $300 a month, has a $250 deducible for health and drugs separately, and though it has co-insurance after the deducible is met (35% for health and 50% for drugs) they both have an out of pocket max of $2000 for the year. So one ivf cycle I would reach the max for both.
The other plans for that low of a premium had a $2000 deducible and then high co-insurance.
Hopefully this cycle works and I will only have to pay a low premium, but this will at least give me the option to cycle come the fall if I want to. Of course this is if I can get the SSI and food stamps to help save on costs. Also we can probably waive dh's student health insurance since he has masshealth. Not sure if that $1134 is already included in the fees. If it is, it will mean money back for us to put toward the private insurance premium.
Now the issue just remains when should I enroll. I found out that back in Dec 2010 MA passed a law to limit enrollment for private insurance. Now people can only enroll from July 1- August 15 (it seems like a state that has a law that everyone must have health insurance sure likes to make it very difficult for people to achieve this). Now I can probably be except from this due to losing a group plan. So if dh's insurance ends August 31 then I can probably have 2 months to apply even though it is past the open enrollment period. Also I read on one of the faq that self employed individuals can enroll any time because they are considered a small group even if they are only one person (boy do I really like the perks of being self employed). If this is true then I may be able to apply for the insurance anytime I want. Hopefully this also means I can stop it too at anytime. I really don't want to keep it until July 1 of the following year. I really only want private insurance in case we need to do ivf. Once I have a baby in my hands I won't need it anymore. Man, it is times like this that I wish we were fertile. Then I wouldn't have to think about buying private insurance in case we need to keep doing ivf.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Ignorant people
As you know if you have been reading, I saw my family for a few hours on Sunday when they brought down a car for us. Anyways, before I left my father told me that he wanted to help me and dh and was going to give us $5000 at the end of June. I never expected this and didn't ask for this money, but was very grateful that he would offer to help us since we receive no help at all from our inlaws and come the fall we will have no income for 2 years while dh is in school.
Anyways, my aunt called me last night after they got home and told me that after I left my mother told my father not to give us any money because we were trying for a baby and doing ivf. Now my mother is a strict Catholic and is 100% against ivf. We got into many fights while ttc 3 years ago. I can't stand the ignorant view that the church takes that is biased and not based on reason or scientic fact. I even asked my mother what she was so against ivf for and she couldn't tell me just that she was against it. How are you suppose to educate a person like that. If the church said apples were evil she would believe it and not eat or buy apples ever again.
For this reason I purposely chose to keep ttc #2 from her. When she was down last fall dh kind of let the cat out of the bag and made mention that I wanted to try again. She told me that if I did that I needed to pay her back any money she has ever given me and I better not dare cycle. I decided at that point to not tell her anything and if I get pregnant she wouldn't know until after birth. Because of my last two cycle failures I thought she had given up the idea of us cycling, but just last night I find out that she knew we recently cycled because my MIL called and told her. Now my MIL knows her opinion and I didn't want her to know, yet she told her my cycle failed and then acted to me like she never said anything - saying to me "did you tell your mom you are doing ivf". I am extremely pissed that now everyone knows about us cycling. The whole reason of me making this blog is so I can write stuff down since I can't tell people irl. It pisses me off that we can't keep this a secret from my MIL because we need someone to watch dd during ER and ET. Just because we do ivf, then everyone has to know our personal business, no one asks fertile people if they are ttc or had sex last night or give their opinion on a baby before even a pregnancy happens.
Anyways, my father just called me now and he took back his offer on the $5000 check. Like I said before, I never asked for this money so he can do whatever he wants. Ya we are struggling financially (and of course ivf doesn't help that) but I am not giving up on the dream just because they are cutting me off. I basically have one year left if I want to have a biological child so I have no choice but to cycle now if we want another biological child. It just upsets me that they are acting this way before I am even pregnant and who knows if I will ever be pregnant or have another baby and I am getting the 9th degree. I can understand if I was pregnant, but for something that may not happen, I personally think they are blowing things out of proportion. I mean they know I am a married woman of child bearing age so it can happen at anytime. Meanwhile my cousin gets pregnant and within 3 months later is no longer with the man and my aunt is thrilled to be a grandma again. Why can't I have parents like this. It makes me sad that if this cycle does work that my parents will not be part of my pregnancy and will not be happy about their grandchild and also think differently about it because of how it was conceived. Meanwhile my brother (her other child) used some form of ART to have their twins, but you can't change my mom's mind to believe that. No, my mom likes to live in her own little fanatsy world where doing ivf is wrong and believes celbate old man instead of her own daughter who has done 4 cycles so far.
My favorite argument that the church brings up is the killing of embryos. It just shows how clueless the church is.
#1 Very few IF couples get many embryos to begin with (unless they have PCOS or are very young).
#2 After spending thousands of dollars, 2 months time, and physical and emotional pain why would anyone kill embryos. Seriously each embryo is extremely precious to an IF couple that there is no way they would kill an embryo unless they have a genetic problem that only affects one sex.
#3 The people that do kill embryos are usually women that are only doing ivf for gender selection. These women are not IF and therefore should not be put in the same group as IF woman. I don't think you will find one IF woman who would agree with a woman who has gender disappointment. In fact these woman make me sick. Saying they are like others doing ivf is like saying women who have abortions are like all pregnant women.
#4 It is scientic fact 75% of human embryos die before day 5. Only difference with ivf is you can see it happen. This is where embryos are lost. They aren't killed, they die just like all living things die. Saying this is like calling a woman who has a m/c the same as a woman who has an abortion. Anyone with half a brain knows that these two groups are complete opposites.
However does the church listen to any of these points, no they just keep spreading their ignorant and hurtful message. Last time I looked ivf was not mentioned in the bible. In fact IF couples in the bible committed adultry in order to have a child and it was legal if one member (in other words, the woman since mfi was not believed at the time) was IF for the other member to sleep with someone else in order to bear a child. Wonder how the Catholic church will feel about me sleep around with some fertile men. It is in the bible.
Anyways, another thing that upsets me is how Catholics can be so against ivf, yet they have no problem using forms of birth control (something that is also against the church's teachings). My parents are also hipocrites like this. My father had a vasetomy after I was born. And here my mother is condoning me about doing ivf and they purposely did something against the church's teachings. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, guess it is okay if you are fertile, but IF couples need to suck it up and remain childless or adopt (you know because there are just millions of babies up for adoption).
I came to the realization last night on why we are IF. It isn't for us, but actually a test for my mother. I know in my heart God is not against ivf and is glad that the procedure exists. I know he is making me go through it so my mother can confront her fear about it and open her heart. Currently though I say she is failing. I don't know if she will realize this in her lifetime. I think not since she is going to be 68 this year and she hasn't changed her view even after dd was born. However I do know she will find this out when she dies and then she will know how wrong and hurtful she is being.
Anyways, my aunt called me last night after they got home and told me that after I left my mother told my father not to give us any money because we were trying for a baby and doing ivf. Now my mother is a strict Catholic and is 100% against ivf. We got into many fights while ttc 3 years ago. I can't stand the ignorant view that the church takes that is biased and not based on reason or scientic fact. I even asked my mother what she was so against ivf for and she couldn't tell me just that she was against it. How are you suppose to educate a person like that. If the church said apples were evil she would believe it and not eat or buy apples ever again.
For this reason I purposely chose to keep ttc #2 from her. When she was down last fall dh kind of let the cat out of the bag and made mention that I wanted to try again. She told me that if I did that I needed to pay her back any money she has ever given me and I better not dare cycle. I decided at that point to not tell her anything and if I get pregnant she wouldn't know until after birth. Because of my last two cycle failures I thought she had given up the idea of us cycling, but just last night I find out that she knew we recently cycled because my MIL called and told her. Now my MIL knows her opinion and I didn't want her to know, yet she told her my cycle failed and then acted to me like she never said anything - saying to me "did you tell your mom you are doing ivf". I am extremely pissed that now everyone knows about us cycling. The whole reason of me making this blog is so I can write stuff down since I can't tell people irl. It pisses me off that we can't keep this a secret from my MIL because we need someone to watch dd during ER and ET. Just because we do ivf, then everyone has to know our personal business, no one asks fertile people if they are ttc or had sex last night or give their opinion on a baby before even a pregnancy happens.
Anyways, my father just called me now and he took back his offer on the $5000 check. Like I said before, I never asked for this money so he can do whatever he wants. Ya we are struggling financially (and of course ivf doesn't help that) but I am not giving up on the dream just because they are cutting me off. I basically have one year left if I want to have a biological child so I have no choice but to cycle now if we want another biological child. It just upsets me that they are acting this way before I am even pregnant and who knows if I will ever be pregnant or have another baby and I am getting the 9th degree. I can understand if I was pregnant, but for something that may not happen, I personally think they are blowing things out of proportion. I mean they know I am a married woman of child bearing age so it can happen at anytime. Meanwhile my cousin gets pregnant and within 3 months later is no longer with the man and my aunt is thrilled to be a grandma again. Why can't I have parents like this. It makes me sad that if this cycle does work that my parents will not be part of my pregnancy and will not be happy about their grandchild and also think differently about it because of how it was conceived. Meanwhile my brother (her other child) used some form of ART to have their twins, but you can't change my mom's mind to believe that. No, my mom likes to live in her own little fanatsy world where doing ivf is wrong and believes celbate old man instead of her own daughter who has done 4 cycles so far.
My favorite argument that the church brings up is the killing of embryos. It just shows how clueless the church is.
#1 Very few IF couples get many embryos to begin with (unless they have PCOS or are very young).
#2 After spending thousands of dollars, 2 months time, and physical and emotional pain why would anyone kill embryos. Seriously each embryo is extremely precious to an IF couple that there is no way they would kill an embryo unless they have a genetic problem that only affects one sex.
#3 The people that do kill embryos are usually women that are only doing ivf for gender selection. These women are not IF and therefore should not be put in the same group as IF woman. I don't think you will find one IF woman who would agree with a woman who has gender disappointment. In fact these woman make me sick. Saying they are like others doing ivf is like saying women who have abortions are like all pregnant women.
#4 It is scientic fact 75% of human embryos die before day 5. Only difference with ivf is you can see it happen. This is where embryos are lost. They aren't killed, they die just like all living things die. Saying this is like calling a woman who has a m/c the same as a woman who has an abortion. Anyone with half a brain knows that these two groups are complete opposites.
However does the church listen to any of these points, no they just keep spreading their ignorant and hurtful message. Last time I looked ivf was not mentioned in the bible. In fact IF couples in the bible committed adultry in order to have a child and it was legal if one member (in other words, the woman since mfi was not believed at the time) was IF for the other member to sleep with someone else in order to bear a child. Wonder how the Catholic church will feel about me sleep around with some fertile men. It is in the bible.
Anyways, another thing that upsets me is how Catholics can be so against ivf, yet they have no problem using forms of birth control (something that is also against the church's teachings). My parents are also hipocrites like this. My father had a vasetomy after I was born. And here my mother is condoning me about doing ivf and they purposely did something against the church's teachings. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, guess it is okay if you are fertile, but IF couples need to suck it up and remain childless or adopt (you know because there are just millions of babies up for adoption).
I came to the realization last night on why we are IF. It isn't for us, but actually a test for my mother. I know in my heart God is not against ivf and is glad that the procedure exists. I know he is making me go through it so my mother can confront her fear about it and open her heart. Currently though I say she is failing. I don't know if she will realize this in her lifetime. I think not since she is going to be 68 this year and she hasn't changed her view even after dd was born. However I do know she will find this out when she dies and then she will know how wrong and hurtful she is being.
Monday, May 14, 2012
cd 20
Temp only rose 0.01 degree, but at least it didn't dropped. It really looks like I o on day 17, however because of the very low rise ff won't confirm it yet. If that is the case though I should expect AF by 10 days from now. Starting to get excited that in less than a month I will be cycling again and by 8 weeks from now I could be pregnant. Anyways I am glad I decided to chart this cycle, even though it was extremely frustrating, however if I didn't I would really have started to wonder why AF wasn't coming especially by the time I reached day 28 with no AF.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day
Looks like I may have ovulated on day 17. My temp is higher today (highest it has been in over 10 days). Over course it could just be a fluke since I woke up very very early (4:30) and since it was too early to temp I just tried resting in bed until finally giving in at 5:30. So who knows if the hour of tossing and turning and thinking caused a temp rise. The good news is I usually temp closer to 6, so even at 5:30 it is earlier than usual.
Hoping to have a good day today since it is Mother's Day. The one piece of good news is it will be my first Mother's Day in 5 years that I get to spend it with my family and not my inlaws. My family brought us a car and is driving it down 75% of the way and we are going to meet them the last 25% of the route to make the trade. Looking forward to seeing my family even if it is only for a few hours. I haven't seen my mom or aunt in over 7 months and my father in over 16 months.
Hoping to have a good day today since it is Mother's Day. The one piece of good news is it will be my first Mother's Day in 5 years that I get to spend it with my family and not my inlaws. My family brought us a car and is driving it down 75% of the way and we are going to meet them the last 25% of the route to make the trade. Looking forward to seeing my family even if it is only for a few hours. I haven't seen my mom or aunt in over 7 months and my father in over 16 months.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Who knows what is going on
So my temp was 97.77 this morning. Higher than the last 2 very low temps, but not higher than some previous earlier temps. So I don't know what is up. I am hoping I ovulated yesterday and this is just a slow rise. Guess tomorrow temp will tell the truth. Usually I can tell with symptoms, but it is hard right now. My breasts feel a bit bigger, but not as large as they can get post-o. And my cm turned sticky yesterday and seems a bit more watery today, but no where like the easy to spot ewcm I last had 2 days ago. Guess I should have done opk this cycle, but it would have been stupid to spend the money, plus with such a late o I would have went through at least 10 of them.
I also looked back at my old charts when I first started charting back in 2008 and I think the ones that I had a short lp, ff just got my o date wrong. Sometimes when you don't have perfect temps it is hard to get o date right (especially for short cycles). I had one cycle that was only 18 days long. FF had an o date of 11 with a lp of only 7. However when I look at the temps I think I could have o on day 6 which would give me a lp of 12. My last 2 ivf's I had an lp of 12 so I think this is my normal lp and ff is just wrong many months with chosing an o date since really temps and other o calculations can only get you so close. Unfortunately many people take ff as god. I hear it all the time about people getting bfp at 7-8 dpo which biologically is impossible yet these people like to claim they are truely at 7-8dpo. Meanwhile they most likely o a few days earlier than they think. I mean if it was true that people can get a bfp at 7-8dpo then you would see woman after undergoing ART (who didn't trigger with hcg) say this and I have never seen a case of this. I have from women who triggered with hcg, but never ones that don't have false hcg in their system.
Anyways I am really starting to stress about this upcoming because so much is relying on it. If this doesn't work I don't know if we will be able to try again. DH is quitting his job at the end of the summer to go back to school and with that we lose the HP. His school does offer insurance, but I am not sure if they cover dependents or fertility. I did relook at the information page again yesterday and the brochure did mention well child visits which if it didn't cover dependents I am not sure why it would even be listed. Also I found the long booklet of information and it does mention infertility diagnosis and treatments so it is looking it will be covered, however without speaking directly to them I can't know for sure. Anyways I can't see how they won't cover dependents especially in MA where health insurance is manadory. If that was the case then their would be a lot of uninsured kids and families would have to rely on Mass Health and I can't see how the state would agree to that. Of course it wouldn't shock me though the way the government programs are run.
Yesterday I was looking up about SSI. I am thinking of applying because of dd's delays and all the money and time I have to put into therapy for her. Anyways it seems that so many kids get SSI for at most only being mild disabled, while familes with severely disabled child gets denied multiple times. Please explain that to me. The article I found was from the Boston Globe Dec 2010. They interview families that have been getting SSI for children that were speech delayed, but now normal yet still receive SSI every month and likely will until the child is 18. One family has a 18 month old toddler that wasn't talking and they got approved for SSI. No other problems. I think to myself how dd was at 18 months and she wasn't talking as well as wasn't doing anything else that was age appropriate. In fact only now at 26 months after 2 years of therapy is she at an 18 month level. Another family has a 9 year old that was speech delayed as a toddler and only problem right now is saying the r sound. The get a $700 check every month. It pisses me off because I couldn't even pronounce the r or say my name, as well as pronounce l or sh at age 19 and I never drawed disablity and this family with a normal child that is no longer classified to receive help is still getting a disability check. The mother even agrees her dd isn't disability but won't tell SSI that because they need the check because the woman doesn't want to work. Then you hear stories of kids with down syndrome having to fight to be approved. It makes you wonder who makes these decisions. Anyways, I figured it doesn't hurt to apply for dd plus I want to do it before her next EI evalue on the 24th since she has made huge gains in some areas over the past couple of months. In January when I took her Children's development team she was assessed to be between a 6-15 month level in all areas (language being the lowest). She was 22 months at the time. I am thinking with that 17 page report and her chromosome deletion that she should have a decent shot, especially if kids are being approved who are only late talkers.
I also looked back at my old charts when I first started charting back in 2008 and I think the ones that I had a short lp, ff just got my o date wrong. Sometimes when you don't have perfect temps it is hard to get o date right (especially for short cycles). I had one cycle that was only 18 days long. FF had an o date of 11 with a lp of only 7. However when I look at the temps I think I could have o on day 6 which would give me a lp of 12. My last 2 ivf's I had an lp of 12 so I think this is my normal lp and ff is just wrong many months with chosing an o date since really temps and other o calculations can only get you so close. Unfortunately many people take ff as god. I hear it all the time about people getting bfp at 7-8 dpo which biologically is impossible yet these people like to claim they are truely at 7-8dpo. Meanwhile they most likely o a few days earlier than they think. I mean if it was true that people can get a bfp at 7-8dpo then you would see woman after undergoing ART (who didn't trigger with hcg) say this and I have never seen a case of this. I have from women who triggered with hcg, but never ones that don't have false hcg in their system.
Anyways I am really starting to stress about this upcoming because so much is relying on it. If this doesn't work I don't know if we will be able to try again. DH is quitting his job at the end of the summer to go back to school and with that we lose the HP. His school does offer insurance, but I am not sure if they cover dependents or fertility. I did relook at the information page again yesterday and the brochure did mention well child visits which if it didn't cover dependents I am not sure why it would even be listed. Also I found the long booklet of information and it does mention infertility diagnosis and treatments so it is looking it will be covered, however without speaking directly to them I can't know for sure. Anyways I can't see how they won't cover dependents especially in MA where health insurance is manadory. If that was the case then their would be a lot of uninsured kids and families would have to rely on Mass Health and I can't see how the state would agree to that. Of course it wouldn't shock me though the way the government programs are run.
Yesterday I was looking up about SSI. I am thinking of applying because of dd's delays and all the money and time I have to put into therapy for her. Anyways it seems that so many kids get SSI for at most only being mild disabled, while familes with severely disabled child gets denied multiple times. Please explain that to me. The article I found was from the Boston Globe Dec 2010. They interview families that have been getting SSI for children that were speech delayed, but now normal yet still receive SSI every month and likely will until the child is 18. One family has a 18 month old toddler that wasn't talking and they got approved for SSI. No other problems. I think to myself how dd was at 18 months and she wasn't talking as well as wasn't doing anything else that was age appropriate. In fact only now at 26 months after 2 years of therapy is she at an 18 month level. Another family has a 9 year old that was speech delayed as a toddler and only problem right now is saying the r sound. The get a $700 check every month. It pisses me off because I couldn't even pronounce the r or say my name, as well as pronounce l or sh at age 19 and I never drawed disablity and this family with a normal child that is no longer classified to receive help is still getting a disability check. The mother even agrees her dd isn't disability but won't tell SSI that because they need the check because the woman doesn't want to work. Then you hear stories of kids with down syndrome having to fight to be approved. It makes you wonder who makes these decisions. Anyways, I figured it doesn't hurt to apply for dd plus I want to do it before her next EI evalue on the 24th since she has made huge gains in some areas over the past couple of months. In January when I took her Children's development team she was assessed to be between a 6-15 month level in all areas (language being the lowest). She was 22 months at the time. I am thinking with that 17 page report and her chromosome deletion that she should have a decent shot, especially if kids are being approved who are only late talkers.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Cd 17
Still no ovulation. Temp is very low, breasts are flat. The only good news to report about this is at least dh was able to make up for his performance issues on Wed.
I have decided if ovulation doesnt happen by day 20 I am calling the nurse to go on provera. I don't see the point of waiting since if I haven't even o by day 20 you still know AF is 1.5-2 weeks off.
I hate how the one time I want AF to come it is late. I mean the only time I ovulated after day 14 was after my d&c (day 20) and that was only because I had hcg in my body and bleed for the first 14 days. Even after giving birth I got AF early despite bf. O at 6 weeks and AF at 8 weeks pp.
In other news I did receive our ivf approval letter from the insurance yesterday so everything is all set to go, when AF comes that is. The letter did say it was good until August 8 - really hoping I don't have to wait that long. I need to do ER and ET by June 30 in order to avoid paying another whole deducible again. Normally it wouldnt matter but since dh is quitting at the end of the summer to go to school, I really don't want to have to pay a whole years deducible when we will only use that insurance for 2 months. This does put a lot of pressure on me though. If this cycle doesnt work I don't know what I will do. We went to the school yesterday to straightened out dh's loan situation, which should now be resolved, but the question about insurance is still up in the air. We need to find out first of the school's plan will cover dependents and then if it does if it will cover ivf. If either of those is not true then we can't get the school's insurance.
I have decided if ovulation doesnt happen by day 20 I am calling the nurse to go on provera. I don't see the point of waiting since if I haven't even o by day 20 you still know AF is 1.5-2 weeks off.
I hate how the one time I want AF to come it is late. I mean the only time I ovulated after day 14 was after my d&c (day 20) and that was only because I had hcg in my body and bleed for the first 14 days. Even after giving birth I got AF early despite bf. O at 6 weeks and AF at 8 weeks pp.
In other news I did receive our ivf approval letter from the insurance yesterday so everything is all set to go, when AF comes that is. The letter did say it was good until August 8 - really hoping I don't have to wait that long. I need to do ER and ET by June 30 in order to avoid paying another whole deducible again. Normally it wouldnt matter but since dh is quitting at the end of the summer to go to school, I really don't want to have to pay a whole years deducible when we will only use that insurance for 2 months. This does put a lot of pressure on me though. If this cycle doesnt work I don't know what I will do. We went to the school yesterday to straightened out dh's loan situation, which should now be resolved, but the question about insurance is still up in the air. We need to find out first of the school's plan will cover dependents and then if it does if it will cover ivf. If either of those is not true then we can't get the school's insurance.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
cd 16
Day 16 and still no ovulation. In fact my temperature is very low this morning. Not sure when AF will come now :(
I had a feeling ovulation was close by yesterday, but then my evil MIL called last night and started bitching at me (all because we asked her to babysit dd while we go to dh's financial aid appt at the school today). Appartently I am responsible to have brought dh's brother a birthday card, even though he isn't my brother and he hasn't brought dh a card for years now. Anyways I think the stress she has caused me stopped me from ovulating yesterday. I really wish that I could cut this woman out of my life for good. It is just hard because my family lives so far away and I have no one. So I am forced to put up with this woman that treats me horribly and blames me for all the things my dh does and doesn't do.
I had a feeling ovulation was close by yesterday, but then my evil MIL called last night and started bitching at me (all because we asked her to babysit dd while we go to dh's financial aid appt at the school today). Appartently I am responsible to have brought dh's brother a birthday card, even though he isn't my brother and he hasn't brought dh a card for years now. Anyways I think the stress she has caused me stopped me from ovulating yesterday. I really wish that I could cut this woman out of my life for good. It is just hard because my family lives so far away and I have no one. So I am forced to put up with this woman that treats me horribly and blames me for all the things my dh does and doesn't do.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
BD fail
So since I still haven't ovulated and I am getting signs it should happen soon I decided to try with dh today since our last time was 3 days ago - it may be fine if I was a teenager who didn't want to get pregnant, but as a 30 something year old woman with husband that has severe mfi it is impossible. So I tried to get dh before he went to work this afternoon. Everything was going fine until it was the moment to perform and then dh went limp. So not only did we not get a shot to bd for our last natural cycle, but now we are both in a bad mood and upset.
Where art are ovulation
Day 15, temp is still low. Wondering if this cycle is going to turn out anovulatory. I was really hoping the ivf cycle wouldn't have messed up my cycle, but it looks like it did. To make matters worse is this makes it near impossible to try this month, however I don't want to sit things out since this is our last chance before ivf again. We bd on day 10 and 12, so now too late, however dh works during the week and we normally don't bd more than once a month (in fact we didn't do anything all of March and April - though that had to do with doing the ivf's) so I think dh will think something is strange if we try for a third time in one week.
I am also getting upset with all the pregnant women and babies all around. It is the feeling of being left behind again. Yesterday I took dd for her toddler group. There is a woman with a 2.5 yo boy that also sits and waits with us. Well yesterday the OT (who is pregnant) comes out and talks to her about having a baby. I think to myself what is this woman talking about. I have seen her every week for 6 months she was never pregnant. In fact she was one of the few unpregnant woman I know with a young child so I felt save that there is another mother with a 2 yo that isn't pregnant. Well when I went back to pick dd up yesterday afternoon she brought her baby. The first time ever I saw her with a baby. I ask her when she gave birth and she said March 30 (guess someone has been watching the baby for the past 5 weeks - well I hope because the other option of having the baby in the car alone is not something I want to think about). I can't believe I never knew she was pregnant (and it isn't like the baby was a preemie). Maybe it was good though because I didn't have to deal with seeing a pregnant belly and it would have been difficult for me to see her after the failed cycles. Of course all I can think now is how lucky this woman is. She basically got a baby without dealing with being hugely pregnant. Even now at 5 weeks post birth she looks great.
I think the failed cycles are really affecting me, especially this past one because I did have two embryos. Having to hear about people who have the same due date as I would have makes me upset. I wonder how they can be pregnant when they had to have sex and only had one embryo implant, when I went through the pain of ivf and had two embryos already 3 days old put in. It isn't fair. If anyone that should be me because I had double the shot than they did. Instead I am sitting here waiting for AF so I can take a pill to prevent pregnancy so we can do ivf again. Please explain this to me.
And then to make matters worse, what do I do, but go buy a pack of size 1 diapers yesterday. I said I wouldn't, but I had a target coupon and a coupon for pampers swaddlers that I felt an overwhelming need to use. And since swaddlers don't come in size 4 I had to buy a small size, not like dd needs anymore diapers anyhow.
I just worry that I will never get pregnant again, and then even if I do I worry that we will not get a thb.
I am also getting upset with all the pregnant women and babies all around. It is the feeling of being left behind again. Yesterday I took dd for her toddler group. There is a woman with a 2.5 yo boy that also sits and waits with us. Well yesterday the OT (who is pregnant) comes out and talks to her about having a baby. I think to myself what is this woman talking about. I have seen her every week for 6 months she was never pregnant. In fact she was one of the few unpregnant woman I know with a young child so I felt save that there is another mother with a 2 yo that isn't pregnant. Well when I went back to pick dd up yesterday afternoon she brought her baby. The first time ever I saw her with a baby. I ask her when she gave birth and she said March 30 (guess someone has been watching the baby for the past 5 weeks - well I hope because the other option of having the baby in the car alone is not something I want to think about). I can't believe I never knew she was pregnant (and it isn't like the baby was a preemie). Maybe it was good though because I didn't have to deal with seeing a pregnant belly and it would have been difficult for me to see her after the failed cycles. Of course all I can think now is how lucky this woman is. She basically got a baby without dealing with being hugely pregnant. Even now at 5 weeks post birth she looks great.
I think the failed cycles are really affecting me, especially this past one because I did have two embryos. Having to hear about people who have the same due date as I would have makes me upset. I wonder how they can be pregnant when they had to have sex and only had one embryo implant, when I went through the pain of ivf and had two embryos already 3 days old put in. It isn't fair. If anyone that should be me because I had double the shot than they did. Instead I am sitting here waiting for AF so I can take a pill to prevent pregnancy so we can do ivf again. Please explain this to me.
And then to make matters worse, what do I do, but go buy a pack of size 1 diapers yesterday. I said I wouldn't, but I had a target coupon and a coupon for pampers swaddlers that I felt an overwhelming need to use. And since swaddlers don't come in size 4 I had to buy a small size, not like dd needs anymore diapers anyhow.
I just worry that I will never get pregnant again, and then even if I do I worry that we will not get a thb.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
cd 14 and ovulation no where in sight
I am so glad I decided to temp this cycle even though it is looking like my cycle is wacked from the ivf. I was hoping I would at least ovulate by yesterday, but nope my temperature is still low. In fact it gave the exact same number as yesterday (97.76) - not sure how that happened - hopefully my thermometer isn't broke.
I know day 14 may not be late for many people, but for me who is used to 21-24 day cycles it is very late. It really sucks when all you want is to ovulate because then you have to wait another few weeks for AF and it isn't coming.
I feel like I am just wasting time. To think if I was able to start bcp this cycle I would already be done by now and having my suspression check, instead I haven't even reached my AF before the pill.
I know day 14 may not be late for many people, but for me who is used to 21-24 day cycles it is very late. It really sucks when all you want is to ovulate because then you have to wait another few weeks for AF and it isn't coming.
I feel like I am just wasting time. To think if I was able to start bcp this cycle I would already be done by now and having my suspression check, instead I haven't even reached my AF before the pill.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Found it
Okay so after much looking on my insurance website I have found out where RSC is getting the $577.12 from. I have a $2000 individual deducible and $4000 family deducible. I paid $1422.88 out of the $2000 for my individual deducible however the full $4000 of our family deducible has been met and was met at the end of January. If it wasn't we would have gotten a bill for $577.12 for ivf #3 and I didn't. Both IVF #3 and #4 were paid in full. Not sure how RSC can say I owe them money when they received payment in full. Even HP says I have $0 remaining on my deducible because we met the $4000 family deducible. I am still pissed I received this letter and am going to have to waste my time getting the matter staightened out with RSC. Not to mention I am pissed at how they can view how much I paid on my individual deducible, yet they didn't look at the family deducible or the fact that my last two cycles have been paid in full (something that wouldn't have happened if our deducible hadn't been met).
So pissed
So I got a letter from RSC. I was wondering why they would send me a letter now since I am not cycling and I have paid all my bills. Anyways there say that I have an outstanding balance of $577.12 and I can't cycle until I paid it. Now I am really pissed. I received 2 bills from them. One for $625 and one for $188.59. Both bills have been paid with my credit card and I have the credit card balance to prove it. My $2000 deducible was reached by February and my 2 ER were covered in full by the insurance since our deducible had been met. I have spent the past 30 minutes looking over my insurance claims online and I can't see anywhere where they are getting this $500 figure. I come up with a $813.59 as how much I owe them and if you add up my 2 payments that is what that equals to. Of course they send this on a Friday and likely the woman will not be in until Monday and I am out all day on Monday doing my fingerprints. I am so pissed that I have to deal with this crap. We pay good money for insurance and still have to pay a high deducible and then to get a letter like this saying we owe more money which is BS!
And then to prevent me from cycling because of a bogus balance I am beyond livid and so upset that I can't speak to them today about this!
And then to prevent me from cycling because of a bogus balance I am beyond livid and so upset that I can't speak to them today about this!
What is with fb and pregnancy announcements
So decided to check fb last night at 11 before going to bed and what do I see when I first sign in, but a huge u/s picture. Normally this wouldn't surprise me, but it was from one of my cousins who is 42 with 2 teenage children and who has been divorced for over a decade. Guess she is pregnant and due in September. Then in the comments one of my other cousins made a weird comment that my aunt (her mother) confirmed that she is pregnant due in November. This cousin is bipolar and has had two engagements in the past two years both which were called off. Guess she is with a different guy now and pregnant. I don't know what to think. I guess these two cases aren't as bad as one of my other cousins who first got pregnant at 17 and had 3 kids by the time she was 22 by three different men (at least I don't have to here any announcements from her anymore since she is now a lesbian).
I am just shocked and not prepared to hear all this news last night. I also wonder why God let them get pregnant - one women who should be in premenopause and another who has a very unstable life and relationship history - and not me. Why do we have to struggle so much? Why does everything have to be hard for me and dh? I am just sick of all this trying when so many people get pregnant so easily without a care in the world and I have to deal with it everywhere. I can't even go on ff anymore because all the women that wanted another baby on the May board have already given birth, with the last of the pregnant people due in the early fall. I still haven't even gotten a bfp yet! Then there is the storytimes I take dd to and her therapists. Luckily I didn't know her SLP was pregnant and she had complications that forced her out of work at 5 months which caused us to receive a different SLP (this at least worked out for the better because I like this new SLP so much better and so does dd). Then her OT is pregnant and due in July as well. Luckily she only sees her at group so I don't have to see her very often unless she is around to bring dd out at the end of the day. Then when I had her down the cape for private therapy last week one of the other mothers there was saying how she had 4 kids (13, 11, 9, and 5) and that she is 8 weeks pregnant with her 5th. I seriously do not know what I did wrong in a previous life to have to deal with all this crap. I mean all I want is just one more, not 5, or 14, or 20. I am 33 so should be in my prime for baby making. Instead I am DOR and waiting for AF so we can start our fifth ivf cycle. Even the nurse that helps with the ER know me now - not something that is a good thing.
I am just shocked and not prepared to hear all this news last night. I also wonder why God let them get pregnant - one women who should be in premenopause and another who has a very unstable life and relationship history - and not me. Why do we have to struggle so much? Why does everything have to be hard for me and dh? I am just sick of all this trying when so many people get pregnant so easily without a care in the world and I have to deal with it everywhere. I can't even go on ff anymore because all the women that wanted another baby on the May board have already given birth, with the last of the pregnant people due in the early fall. I still haven't even gotten a bfp yet! Then there is the storytimes I take dd to and her therapists. Luckily I didn't know her SLP was pregnant and she had complications that forced her out of work at 5 months which caused us to receive a different SLP (this at least worked out for the better because I like this new SLP so much better and so does dd). Then her OT is pregnant and due in July as well. Luckily she only sees her at group so I don't have to see her very often unless she is around to bring dd out at the end of the day. Then when I had her down the cape for private therapy last week one of the other mothers there was saying how she had 4 kids (13, 11, 9, and 5) and that she is 8 weeks pregnant with her 5th. I seriously do not know what I did wrong in a previous life to have to deal with all this crap. I mean all I want is just one more, not 5, or 14, or 20. I am 33 so should be in my prime for baby making. Instead I am DOR and waiting for AF so we can start our fifth ivf cycle. Even the nurse that helps with the ER know me now - not something that is a good thing.
Friday, May 4, 2012
WTF appt
I was pretty worried going into today's appt. Plus I had to go alone since dh had to stay home with dd since I didn't want his mother watching her anymore. Plus I was expecting an expensive package from fedex today that needed to be refridgerated and was worried that if she was here she wouldn't answer the door.
Anyways the appt went well. I am going to go back to doing the anatagonist cycle again, but this time with only a short course of bcp (10-12 days) so that is good and I will only be on the gonal-f which is good. I will be at the same dose as last cycle the 300 units twice a day (so 600 fsh). Then I will add in the anatgonist once the lead is 14 or so. She did say that though I did get more eggs than last time it was less than what she expected. I said that it was probably because I had such a huge range in size. She then said out of the 5 eggs 2 were immature and that she expected around 7 eggs. She did say we will do the IM hcg again instead of SQ which I agree and she wanted to push it even further out to 38 hours, but I told her that I am too worried about ovulating going that late so she said okay we will do 37 hours again since it did work this past cycle. I also asked about doing the IM progesterone this time and she okayed that so I am to start PIO the night of ER, and then estrace and baby asprin on day 2 after ER.
She also mentioned about doing a day 2 transfer if we only have 2 embryos. I was surprised because I thought they only offered day 3 or 5. With my twins I only had the two embryos and they made me wait until day 3 which really worried me (though it worked out in the end). We agreed to transfer 2 again, she said to do 1 if we make it to blast, but both her and I do not think that we will make it to day 5. She then said if this cycle doesn't work she suggests doing a hystoscope and biopsy. I don't know if that will happen because after this cycle I will only have insurance for 2 more months. Hopefully dh's school plan will allow dependants and cover fertility, but until I know both of those things I can not make plans for the fall. Here's hoping that this cycle works and I won't have to worry about doing anymore IVF's.
Oh and another thing the nurse agreed to give me Provea if I don't get AF by 28 days. At first she said to call if I don't get it by 35 days and I said I should definately get it by then because even 28 days is really late for me so then she said okay call by 28 days then. And I also told the doctor about the co-enzyme Q10. She was okay with it. She says there isn't enough studies done on it yet but it is a hot area of research. She doesn't really think it will help, but says it shouldn't hurt. I said the same. Though it does hurt my wallet, but at least I have the satisfication that I am doing everything I can. Though I do have to admit I have been slacking on the dieting and exercise. I think being so used to cycling, etc, it is hard to get my mind and body into a work out routine.
Anyways the appt went well. I am going to go back to doing the anatagonist cycle again, but this time with only a short course of bcp (10-12 days) so that is good and I will only be on the gonal-f which is good. I will be at the same dose as last cycle the 300 units twice a day (so 600 fsh). Then I will add in the anatgonist once the lead is 14 or so. She did say that though I did get more eggs than last time it was less than what she expected. I said that it was probably because I had such a huge range in size. She then said out of the 5 eggs 2 were immature and that she expected around 7 eggs. She did say we will do the IM hcg again instead of SQ which I agree and she wanted to push it even further out to 38 hours, but I told her that I am too worried about ovulating going that late so she said okay we will do 37 hours again since it did work this past cycle. I also asked about doing the IM progesterone this time and she okayed that so I am to start PIO the night of ER, and then estrace and baby asprin on day 2 after ER.
She also mentioned about doing a day 2 transfer if we only have 2 embryos. I was surprised because I thought they only offered day 3 or 5. With my twins I only had the two embryos and they made me wait until day 3 which really worried me (though it worked out in the end). We agreed to transfer 2 again, she said to do 1 if we make it to blast, but both her and I do not think that we will make it to day 5. She then said if this cycle doesn't work she suggests doing a hystoscope and biopsy. I don't know if that will happen because after this cycle I will only have insurance for 2 more months. Hopefully dh's school plan will allow dependants and cover fertility, but until I know both of those things I can not make plans for the fall. Here's hoping that this cycle works and I won't have to worry about doing anymore IVF's.
Oh and another thing the nurse agreed to give me Provea if I don't get AF by 28 days. At first she said to call if I don't get it by 35 days and I said I should definately get it by then because even 28 days is really late for me so then she said okay call by 28 days then. And I also told the doctor about the co-enzyme Q10. She was okay with it. She says there isn't enough studies done on it yet but it is a hot area of research. She doesn't really think it will help, but says it shouldn't hurt. I said the same. Though it does hurt my wallet, but at least I have the satisfication that I am doing everything I can. Though I do have to admit I have been slacking on the dieting and exercise. I think being so used to cycling, etc, it is hard to get my mind and body into a work out routine.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
cd 8
Well my temped dropped big time this morning so hopefully this means that maybe I am gearing up to ovulate. My normal ovulation day is 11-12 but I have had a few cycles that went to day 13-14. Hoping that it doesn't go past that since I really want this cycle to be over with fast.
The good news is that it is probably for the best that I sit this cycle out since it is allowing me to get all my dental work done. Yesterday I had my tooth pulled after a long 4 year batter with the tooth. I go back in 3 weeks for the start of the bridge work so I am looking at at least 5 weeks min before I will have the work done - if I was cycling right now I couldn't do that, this way I will be able to complete all the work before being in the tww. Of course I also need a crown on another tooth that had a root canal done last year, but I am thinking that will have to be put off for another year since I only have so much dental insurance.
I did buy some co-enzyme q10 the other day and plan to start taking it today. The cheapest bottle I could find was fifty 100mg pills for $10. I need 600mg a day so I brought 2 bottles and they should last me around 2 weeks. It sucks they are so expensive, but if it helps my eggs it is worth it. I am not sure if it will have an effect though because I read you need to take it for 3 months, but by the time I cycle it will only be half that time. I'm hoping 6 weeks is better than nothing (well it better be since it is going to cost me $60 for the 6 weeks).
The good news is that it is probably for the best that I sit this cycle out since it is allowing me to get all my dental work done. Yesterday I had my tooth pulled after a long 4 year batter with the tooth. I go back in 3 weeks for the start of the bridge work so I am looking at at least 5 weeks min before I will have the work done - if I was cycling right now I couldn't do that, this way I will be able to complete all the work before being in the tww. Of course I also need a crown on another tooth that had a root canal done last year, but I am thinking that will have to be put off for another year since I only have so much dental insurance.
I did buy some co-enzyme q10 the other day and plan to start taking it today. The cheapest bottle I could find was fifty 100mg pills for $10. I need 600mg a day so I brought 2 bottles and they should last me around 2 weeks. It sucks they are so expensive, but if it helps my eggs it is worth it. I am not sure if it will have an effect though because I read you need to take it for 3 months, but by the time I cycle it will only be half that time. I'm hoping 6 weeks is better than nothing (well it better be since it is going to cost me $60 for the 6 weeks).
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Trying to pass time
I hate being in this limbo period. I also hate how just because we need ivf I need to follow what my doctor says about everything. My wtf appt is on Friday. Getting kind of nervous on what she will say. Hoping she will let me start once AF comes, but of course who knows when that will be. I started temping again today. Haven't temped in 3 years so it really sucks having to do it again for this cycle, but at least it will help pinpoint AF that is if I even ovulate. Right now I am on day 7 and had a high temp this morning. I know it is still early, but it worries me with my temp still being so high that I won't ovulate for a long time. Also I have pain in my ovaries some time when I move which suggests to me that I have left over cysts so who knows how this cycle will go.
I am wondering what the doctor will do next. All I know is I want to go on PIO next time and not the crinone. I was on injectable progesterone for my first two cycles and got pregnant both times and this time I was on crinone and got AF 2 days before my beta. It may mean nothing but it worries me that I got AF so quickly and therefore the cycle failed.
I have now done 3 anatagonist cycles and 1 flare cycle. There are pros and cons to each.
I got pregnant with doing anatagonist twice, but of course they were both 3 years ago. The third time I did the anatagonist I had 75% empty follicles and never even made it to day 3 transfer.
The flare protocal is faster and costs less, but I had massive headaches 24/7 with it and there are more shots. I also had worse values going into ER. Had the same number of follicles, but they greatly varied in size so only half were the proper size, however I got more eggs and had 3 embryos on day 3, however I didn't get pregnant.
So I don't know what I should do next time. It seems that no matter what protocal I am on I get a similar number of eggs at ER. Though I have been successful with anatgaonist before I worry about getting empty follicles again. And though I like how the flare is much shorter, I had my worse response going into ER and didn't get pregnant.
I think my RE is regreting taking on our case. And to think when we started ivf we were only dealing with mfi
I am wondering what the doctor will do next. All I know is I want to go on PIO next time and not the crinone. I was on injectable progesterone for my first two cycles and got pregnant both times and this time I was on crinone and got AF 2 days before my beta. It may mean nothing but it worries me that I got AF so quickly and therefore the cycle failed.
I have now done 3 anatagonist cycles and 1 flare cycle. There are pros and cons to each.
I got pregnant with doing anatagonist twice, but of course they were both 3 years ago. The third time I did the anatagonist I had 75% empty follicles and never even made it to day 3 transfer.
The flare protocal is faster and costs less, but I had massive headaches 24/7 with it and there are more shots. I also had worse values going into ER. Had the same number of follicles, but they greatly varied in size so only half were the proper size, however I got more eggs and had 3 embryos on day 3, however I didn't get pregnant.
So I don't know what I should do next time. It seems that no matter what protocal I am on I get a similar number of eggs at ER. Though I have been successful with anatgaonist before I worry about getting empty follicles again. And though I like how the flare is much shorter, I had my worse response going into ER and didn't get pregnant.
I think my RE is regreting taking on our case. And to think when we started ivf we were only dealing with mfi
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