I have been part of a board with other women who were due during the same time I was with my last pregnancy. This board has been an active part of my life for the last 2.5 years. Over that time many people left so now there are probably 30 close knit people that have stayed active this whole time.
Being one of the only few infertile person on this board it is hard. In the past year everyone who has wanted to get pregnant again got pregnant again on month #1. Many also got pregnant by accident. One who used to be IF got pregnant right away after sex one time before even getting ppAF. Another got pregnant from the pull out method, and now there have even been 2 iui pregnancies. Not to mention the multiple of posts from people who have had tubals or are on bcp and worried they are pregnant because AF is late. Some of these women ended up losing their pregnancies, but they are all back and pregnant now again, and a few have even already given birth, and in the next few months probably 15 more will give birth (there are probably 20 out of the 30 total who are pregnant and besides us the other 9 are done ttc).
It is hard being in a world that things don't happen for you like they are suppose to. I don't blame these women and am happy that they never have to experience the pains of IF. However, it is hard, especially hearing about all these surprise pregnancies when I know that will never happen to us. The only way we will get pregnant is by putting down thousands of dollars, taking shots, going for bloodwork and u/s every other day, going under anesthesia, and having embryos physically transferred into my uterus and then praying, as well as being on bedrest for the week. Then if it does work there is the countless betas and u/s before we even reach 10 weeks.
I can't farthum how someone can go in for a pap and come out finding out they are 11 weeks along. Just like I can't farthum how all these women get pregnant by using birth control when we have never gotten pregnant despite having unprotected sex when I am ovulating.
I know that we are not the norm, it is just hard to think that other people don't have to deal with any of this. Other people have to take measures to prevent pregnancy or else it will happen. It really upsets me that everyone gets to have a choice in the matter, but with being infertile we don't.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Doctor appts and stupid insurance requirements
So my period came on January 24. It was early this cycle, only 21 days. Luckily my pap got moved to the 23rd from the 24th last week or else I would have been screwed.
On Tuesday I called the RE to report cd1. We made plans to do bloodwork and u/s on Thursday. They reminded me to get the consent forms in and get them a copy of my pap and physical exam. I said my pap was done the other day and will be faxed when the doctor gets it back and I was going to my PCP today to have them fax my physical from back in October. I thought everything was good and all our requirements had been crossed off. Should have known things are never easy when booking an ivf cycle.
The following day the RE office calls and I am told that since my BMI is over 35 (it is 38) that my insurance is requiring me to have an anesthesia consult and a nutrition consult. Doesn't matter that I have never had a normal BMI even when I was a skeleton at 14 because I am big boned and have a muscular body. Also that even though I am overweight, I did not get this way from eating poorly and my health is still perfectly fine. I gainned this weight due to my last pregnancy because I was on bed rest for 8 months (my pregnancy was only 7 months long) and I was drinking high protein shakes in hopes it would help my son grow. I was also pissed that this was the first time I was hearing this (when I just talked with the doctor and nurse on Friday and yesterday), now they tell me this and I need all this done, and insurance approval by the time my suspression check comes on February 13.
The good news was they were able to fit me in on Friday for the anesthesia consult unfortunately it was at the same time as dh's urology appt so I couldn't go with him. Luckily though they were on the same street and only a block away from each other so we didn't have to drive extra anywhere. Unfortunately the nutrition consult wasn't as successful to book.
The woman never called me until Thursday night and first she assumed I was pregnant, asking me what my due date was. Way to go lady, don't read the note sent by the doctor on why I need to be seen. Then she wants to schedule me for February 14. I tell her I need all this done by the 13th. She then says she can put me in on the 10th. Now the 10th is a Friday and the 13th is a Monday so how am I able to get insurance approval by Monday to order my drugs that I need to start that night if I can't see the nutritionous until the Friday morning.
She told me that that was the earliest so I reluctantly made the appt for that day.
Friday we drove to Providence for dh's urology appt and my anesthesia appt. His appt was for 9:45 and mine for 10. Luckily I got in quickly for mine and it only lasted 5 minutes (since I am good and healthy). The anesthesiaologist I say also thought it was silly that I needed to be checked. DH didn't get called in for his appt until almost 11 so I was actually able to be there which was good.
Unfortunately his appt didn't turn out so great. DH falls into the unfortunate classification of infertile men where a cause isn't known and therefore a treatment can not be done. It sucks the only tests he did bad on was the SA. His PE and hormone results were all within normal. According to current medically science dh should have a normal SA and be fertile, but he isn't. I was hoping that seeing an urologist specializing in male infertility this time would give us better news or more things to try, but he didn't. Basically there is no hope for dh and nothing proven to work for him, the only guarantee we would have if we did try stuff is that we would lose money with no guarantee it would help his count at all. So though a miracle baby isn't impossible, it is highly unlikely to ever happen and we are then left with only ivf + icsi.
After his appt we went over to my RE since they were on the way back to the highway. DH had to sign the last of the consent forms since he wasn't able to make the appt last week. I then asked the receptionist what to do about the nutrionist. She tried calling, but the best she got was putting me on the wait list. She did call another nutritionist to see if they had opennings next week. They are more further away (an hour from our house, compared to 30 minute to the one they wanted to send me to). I told her I don't care how far away they are as long as I can get in next week I will drive anywhere. Well the good news is they did have opennings on Monday and Thursday so I booked an appt for Monday morning. When I was on the phone with her I got a call on the other line, but couldn't answer it. When we were back in the car and driving home I discovered it was the first nutrition place. They didn't leave a message, but they did call me that evening and said they had a cancellation for Tuesday morning and asked if I wanted it. I can't believe it. I went from having a 2 week wait for an appt to now having an appt for Monday and Tuesday next week. I am still keeping my Monday appt, but I didn't want to say no to the Tuesday one in case anything happens on Monday. I will have to call though after the first appt though which sucks. Hopefully they aren't upset because it will be less than 24 hours, but what choice did I have.
I guess you can say 2 appts booked is better than none, but seriously. Now I am pissed that the first place didn't call me 30 minutes before so I wouldn't have booked the other appt.
The good news though is that as long as my pap comes back good (which it should), we should be all set with insurance approval by the 13th. I started the bcp Thursday night and have to continue them until Feb 12.
I hate having to pay $15 for a pack of bcp when we are infertile. How is that fair.
On Tuesday I called the RE to report cd1. We made plans to do bloodwork and u/s on Thursday. They reminded me to get the consent forms in and get them a copy of my pap and physical exam. I said my pap was done the other day and will be faxed when the doctor gets it back and I was going to my PCP today to have them fax my physical from back in October. I thought everything was good and all our requirements had been crossed off. Should have known things are never easy when booking an ivf cycle.
The following day the RE office calls and I am told that since my BMI is over 35 (it is 38) that my insurance is requiring me to have an anesthesia consult and a nutrition consult. Doesn't matter that I have never had a normal BMI even when I was a skeleton at 14 because I am big boned and have a muscular body. Also that even though I am overweight, I did not get this way from eating poorly and my health is still perfectly fine. I gainned this weight due to my last pregnancy because I was on bed rest for 8 months (my pregnancy was only 7 months long) and I was drinking high protein shakes in hopes it would help my son grow. I was also pissed that this was the first time I was hearing this (when I just talked with the doctor and nurse on Friday and yesterday), now they tell me this and I need all this done, and insurance approval by the time my suspression check comes on February 13.
The good news was they were able to fit me in on Friday for the anesthesia consult unfortunately it was at the same time as dh's urology appt so I couldn't go with him. Luckily though they were on the same street and only a block away from each other so we didn't have to drive extra anywhere. Unfortunately the nutrition consult wasn't as successful to book.
The woman never called me until Thursday night and first she assumed I was pregnant, asking me what my due date was. Way to go lady, don't read the note sent by the doctor on why I need to be seen. Then she wants to schedule me for February 14. I tell her I need all this done by the 13th. She then says she can put me in on the 10th. Now the 10th is a Friday and the 13th is a Monday so how am I able to get insurance approval by Monday to order my drugs that I need to start that night if I can't see the nutritionous until the Friday morning.
She told me that that was the earliest so I reluctantly made the appt for that day.
Friday we drove to Providence for dh's urology appt and my anesthesia appt. His appt was for 9:45 and mine for 10. Luckily I got in quickly for mine and it only lasted 5 minutes (since I am good and healthy). The anesthesiaologist I say also thought it was silly that I needed to be checked. DH didn't get called in for his appt until almost 11 so I was actually able to be there which was good.
Unfortunately his appt didn't turn out so great. DH falls into the unfortunate classification of infertile men where a cause isn't known and therefore a treatment can not be done. It sucks the only tests he did bad on was the SA. His PE and hormone results were all within normal. According to current medically science dh should have a normal SA and be fertile, but he isn't. I was hoping that seeing an urologist specializing in male infertility this time would give us better news or more things to try, but he didn't. Basically there is no hope for dh and nothing proven to work for him, the only guarantee we would have if we did try stuff is that we would lose money with no guarantee it would help his count at all. So though a miracle baby isn't impossible, it is highly unlikely to ever happen and we are then left with only ivf + icsi.
After his appt we went over to my RE since they were on the way back to the highway. DH had to sign the last of the consent forms since he wasn't able to make the appt last week. I then asked the receptionist what to do about the nutrionist. She tried calling, but the best she got was putting me on the wait list. She did call another nutritionist to see if they had opennings next week. They are more further away (an hour from our house, compared to 30 minute to the one they wanted to send me to). I told her I don't care how far away they are as long as I can get in next week I will drive anywhere. Well the good news is they did have opennings on Monday and Thursday so I booked an appt for Monday morning. When I was on the phone with her I got a call on the other line, but couldn't answer it. When we were back in the car and driving home I discovered it was the first nutrition place. They didn't leave a message, but they did call me that evening and said they had a cancellation for Tuesday morning and asked if I wanted it. I can't believe it. I went from having a 2 week wait for an appt to now having an appt for Monday and Tuesday next week. I am still keeping my Monday appt, but I didn't want to say no to the Tuesday one in case anything happens on Monday. I will have to call though after the first appt though which sucks. Hopefully they aren't upset because it will be less than 24 hours, but what choice did I have.
I guess you can say 2 appts booked is better than none, but seriously. Now I am pissed that the first place didn't call me 30 minutes before so I wouldn't have booked the other appt.
The good news though is that as long as my pap comes back good (which it should), we should be all set with insurance approval by the 13th. I started the bcp Thursday night and have to continue them until Feb 12.
I hate having to pay $15 for a pack of bcp when we are infertile. How is that fair.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sono-hsg and meet with the doctor
So I had my sono-hsg on the 10th. It was not a very pleasant experience which I knew going in since I still remember my last one back from March 2009. Anyways appartently my cervix wasn't co-operating that day so it resulted in the doctor having to pinch my cervix with probably a hemostat or something so she could slide the catheter through. After doing this and injecting the saline she decided that they didn't get the picture that how they like it (of course this is after she pulled the catheter and clamps out) so they needed to do it all over again. Let's just say it was a very painful 30 minutes and I am glad that I should not have to do this ever again. The good news is the 2nd time every turned out good, which I probably could have told them before we even started that I don't have polps or fibroids, but you know how being IF we have to go through all this testing anyhow. Just like the first time I cycled in 2009, I ended up having to do 3 HIV tests that year. I don't do drugs, and have only had one partner my whole life (my husband who also is clean), but still they don't care and it is all part of their protocal. I did a HIV test in October 2008 for my greencard, then in March 2009 to do my first ivf cycle, and then in September 2009 when I went to the ob for the first time at 8 weeks after developing a SCH and spending the night in the ER.
So yesterday I had to go back to the RE to go over the upcoming cycle. DH stayed home with dd. The week before we signed the consent forms at the town hall (because they had to be noterized) and sent them so I figured since dh did his part he didn't have to come for yesterday's appt. Well turns out there was another consent form that they didn't give me before, plus dh messed up on one page of the other consent form so now we are going to have to go back to the notarary and get them signed, which pisses me off because if I would have known I would have had dh come with me yesterday and signed them there himself.
Since I have gotten pregnant twice before with the antagonist cycle my RE wants to keep it the same, she will start me on a higher dose of meds though since my fsh is now in the elevated range. Before I was receiving 375 mg of FSH and I only produced 6 eggs when I had just turned 31, so not sure what will happen now that I am 33, almost 34 and my fsh is 3.6 units higher.
I am due to start my period later next week and got the rx for the pill. They do want me to come in on day 3 for another u/s and bloodwork and only then start the pill if everything works good - namely I am not pregnant which I don't see that happening. It may happen for some couples that they get a naturally bfp just before starting ivf, but not us. Right now we have tried 37 cycles (maybe 38 I have lost track) and only gotten 2 bfp - both when embryos were placed in my uterus.
I will be on the pill for 2-3 weeks and then have a suspesion check so right now it looks like ER will be the last or 2nd last week of February.
I also found out all my bloodwork came back normal. Not sure how I feel about that. Though I didn't want to find out I had a clotting problem and that Caleb's death as well as my first pregnancy m/c could have been avoided, at least it would have given us a reason why his placenta died at 15 weeks and therefore a treatment to prevent the growth restriction, pre-eclampsia, and pregnancy loss from reoccuring.
So yesterday I had to go back to the RE to go over the upcoming cycle. DH stayed home with dd. The week before we signed the consent forms at the town hall (because they had to be noterized) and sent them so I figured since dh did his part he didn't have to come for yesterday's appt. Well turns out there was another consent form that they didn't give me before, plus dh messed up on one page of the other consent form so now we are going to have to go back to the notarary and get them signed, which pisses me off because if I would have known I would have had dh come with me yesterday and signed them there himself.
Since I have gotten pregnant twice before with the antagonist cycle my RE wants to keep it the same, she will start me on a higher dose of meds though since my fsh is now in the elevated range. Before I was receiving 375 mg of FSH and I only produced 6 eggs when I had just turned 31, so not sure what will happen now that I am 33, almost 34 and my fsh is 3.6 units higher.
I am due to start my period later next week and got the rx for the pill. They do want me to come in on day 3 for another u/s and bloodwork and only then start the pill if everything works good - namely I am not pregnant which I don't see that happening. It may happen for some couples that they get a naturally bfp just before starting ivf, but not us. Right now we have tried 37 cycles (maybe 38 I have lost track) and only gotten 2 bfp - both when embryos were placed in my uterus.
I will be on the pill for 2-3 weeks and then have a suspesion check so right now it looks like ER will be the last or 2nd last week of February.
I also found out all my bloodwork came back normal. Not sure how I feel about that. Though I didn't want to find out I had a clotting problem and that Caleb's death as well as my first pregnancy m/c could have been avoided, at least it would have given us a reason why his placenta died at 15 weeks and therefore a treatment to prevent the growth restriction, pre-eclampsia, and pregnancy loss from reoccuring.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Results
You know when something is bad when the doctor starts listing all the normal values first.
She says Thyroid is normal, prolactin is normal, LH is normal.
All I am thinking this time is tell me the FSH that is what I am most worried about.
Then she finally mentions FSH is high at 12 something. Not surprising since it was nine 34 months ago and I responded to poorly to the 2 ivf cycles we did back in 2009.
I don't know what to think. Yes it is upsetting, but as I said not a surprise and I am grateful that it hasn't risen higher. This just instills in me about how it is important that we cycle NOW and not in a few more years like my mother wants us to do. If I listened to everybody about waiting my fsh could likely be over 20 and there goes our chance of having another biological child.
She says Thyroid is normal, prolactin is normal, LH is normal.
All I am thinking this time is tell me the FSH that is what I am most worried about.
Then she finally mentions FSH is high at 12 something. Not surprising since it was nine 34 months ago and I responded to poorly to the 2 ivf cycles we did back in 2009.
I don't know what to think. Yes it is upsetting, but as I said not a surprise and I am grateful that it hasn't risen higher. This just instills in me about how it is important that we cycle NOW and not in a few more years like my mother wants us to do. If I listened to everybody about waiting my fsh could likely be over 20 and there goes our chance of having another biological child.
CD 3 and intro
I want a place where I can talk about my ivf journey since I can't tell most people in my everyday life.
I will start from the beginning. We were married in September 2008 and discovered that December that dh has severe mfi. In March we met with a RE for the first time and did our first ivf cycle April 2009. Two day 2 embryos were transferred and I became pregnant with a singleton. Unfortunately 2 months later we found out our baby had died. I had to have a d&c and when my cycle returned a month later we started on another round of ivf. This time I only had two embryos. They were both transferred on day 3 and both struck. When I was 18 weeks, at our anatomy scan, we found out one of our babies wasn't growing. Baby B (who we later found out was a boy and we named Caleb) was measuring 3 weeks behind. I had a doppler at home and contined to listen to both heartbeats each day until my followup u/s. 3 weeks went by and during Christmas dinner was the last time I felt him move. The next morning I couldn't register a heartbeat and it was confirmed he had died when we went for the f/u u/s 3 days later. A month after Caleb's passing I developed severe pre-eclampsia which put me in the hospital and caused me to have an emergency c-section at 31 weeks to save mine and my daughter's life.
My daughter is now 22 months old (today) and doing well despite her prematurity, though she does have a major language delay. Since I am getting older and my ovaries didn't respond so good 3 years ago when we cycled when I was only 30 I figured it is best not to put off trying for another much longer so on December 16 we went back to the RE to discuss another round of ivf. Since I was on day 6 that day they decided it was best to put off my testing until my next cycle which started 2 days ago so that is why today I had to go in for a ton of bloodwork and u/s to check that everything looks good.
I should find out the results in the next few hours. Getting kind of worried since if my hormones come back too high it means we won't be able to cycle anymore. They are also going to check me for APA. The RE thinks that this may have caused the problems that happened in my last pregnancy since our son had severe placenta insufficiency that caused his death. It would be nice to have an answer that will prevent the same thing from happening again, but also with that it will be hard to know that Caleb's death could have been prevented.
Sometimes I wonder if I want to have another child because it will give me a chance to have a boy again. I don't think I have totally wrapped my head around that he is gone and not coming back.
I will start from the beginning. We were married in September 2008 and discovered that December that dh has severe mfi. In March we met with a RE for the first time and did our first ivf cycle April 2009. Two day 2 embryos were transferred and I became pregnant with a singleton. Unfortunately 2 months later we found out our baby had died. I had to have a d&c and when my cycle returned a month later we started on another round of ivf. This time I only had two embryos. They were both transferred on day 3 and both struck. When I was 18 weeks, at our anatomy scan, we found out one of our babies wasn't growing. Baby B (who we later found out was a boy and we named Caleb) was measuring 3 weeks behind. I had a doppler at home and contined to listen to both heartbeats each day until my followup u/s. 3 weeks went by and during Christmas dinner was the last time I felt him move. The next morning I couldn't register a heartbeat and it was confirmed he had died when we went for the f/u u/s 3 days later. A month after Caleb's passing I developed severe pre-eclampsia which put me in the hospital and caused me to have an emergency c-section at 31 weeks to save mine and my daughter's life.
My daughter is now 22 months old (today) and doing well despite her prematurity, though she does have a major language delay. Since I am getting older and my ovaries didn't respond so good 3 years ago when we cycled when I was only 30 I figured it is best not to put off trying for another much longer so on December 16 we went back to the RE to discuss another round of ivf. Since I was on day 6 that day they decided it was best to put off my testing until my next cycle which started 2 days ago so that is why today I had to go in for a ton of bloodwork and u/s to check that everything looks good.
I should find out the results in the next few hours. Getting kind of worried since if my hormones come back too high it means we won't be able to cycle anymore. They are also going to check me for APA. The RE thinks that this may have caused the problems that happened in my last pregnancy since our son had severe placenta insufficiency that caused his death. It would be nice to have an answer that will prevent the same thing from happening again, but also with that it will be hard to know that Caleb's death could have been prevented.
Sometimes I wonder if I want to have another child because it will give me a chance to have a boy again. I don't think I have totally wrapped my head around that he is gone and not coming back.
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