3 years ago ds death was confirmed by u/s - though he likely died late on Christmas day since that was last time I was able to pick up his heartbeat with the doppler.
The first two years have been really hard. This is the first December where I haven't broke down until now. All I can think about is how our lives would be different if he had lived. I seriously wonder if stopping the BA last pregnancy at 8 weeks when I got a SCH led to all the problems with ds's placenta and if I would have stayed on it maybe his placenta wouldn't have failed or at least not so early that nothing could be done. I have been researching BA use in preventing PE this morning and though there is no scientific proof it helps, it has been theorized for a decade now, yet no one mentioned it at all last pregnancy even though I had really bad NT bloodwork.
Of course if he would have lived we never would have cycled again and I wouldn't be pregnant now so it is bittersweet. Though I am happy to be having this baby, I wish I never had to go through these bad experiences first and deal with how they changed and affected our lives. I have met many people because of ds's death that I would never have met otherwise, but I also broke off relations with my only sibling and his family because of it. Also as the years go by I wonder how things will affect dd. She has no idea about anything yet because of her delays, she doesn't even have a clue that she will have a baby sister in 2 months. I am glad she will have a sibling here on Earth and hope that they will be close, since she will miss the twin experience growing up.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
29w2d
Only 10 weeks to left to go. I must say this pregnancy is going fast and I have a feeling these last 2 months will go even faster. Because I have been so scared all the time that something will happen I haven't really got to enjoy things and now looking at things it will be over before I know it and I don't really know if we are ready for the baby yet. We haven't done much to prepare. I did put the newborn and preemie clothes in the dresser, but other than that nothing else is set up. This is in big contrast to my last pregnancy where everything was ready by 29 weeks which was probably a good thing since I got put in the hospital the next day.
It is weird that I am now one day further than I was last pregnancy from being put in the hospital and I am only 12 days away from when I gave birth. Hopefully this is a good sign that I will be able to make it to my 34 week February goal at min. I really believe the PE last time was related to ds's damaged placenta. I still wonder if I didn't stop the BA that pregnancy at 8 weeks that maybe none of those things would have happened or at least they wouldn't have happened so early that nothing could be done for ds.
It is weird that I am now one day further than I was last pregnancy from being put in the hospital and I am only 12 days away from when I gave birth. Hopefully this is a good sign that I will be able to make it to my 34 week February goal at min. I really believe the PE last time was related to ds's damaged placenta. I still wonder if I didn't stop the BA that pregnancy at 8 weeks that maybe none of those things would have happened or at least they wouldn't have happened so early that nothing could be done for ds.
Monday, December 24, 2012
28w5d
Nothing much new to report. Had my bimonthly appt today and everything was fine - normal bp, only trace protein, etc. The doctor knew about my visits to l&d, but wasn't very concerned since I am no longer bleeding. I go back again in 2 weeks and then have an u/s a few days after that.
I am happy to reach this stage without getting PE yet. Last time I started getting pitting edema at 28 weeks and was admitted at 29w1d. Hoping that this means that we will make it to my goal of February.
Tomorrow is Christmas. It is also the 3 year anniversary of ds's death (though we never had an u/s until the 29th so I like to celebrate that as his angel day since I don't like ruining our Christmas celebration.
I am happy to reach this stage without getting PE yet. Last time I started getting pitting edema at 28 weeks and was admitted at 29w1d. Hoping that this means that we will make it to my goal of February.
Tomorrow is Christmas. It is also the 3 year anniversary of ds's death (though we never had an u/s until the 29th so I like to celebrate that as his angel day since I don't like ruining our Christmas celebration.
Friday, December 21, 2012
28w2d
I started red spotting again this morning after not having anything for 5 days. Of course this set dh off and he starts bitching to me which doesn't help things. I got into a big fight with him yesterday because he was upset about having to do work around the house and of course this likely raised my bp and also caused me to do more things than I should. I really don't know what to do, but I seriously can't rest at home and I am 100% sure this spotting this morning was related to yesterday events. I rang the doctor and of course they said to come down to triage to be checked out so I had to drive down to Providence this morning, where they did another cervical exam and hooked me up to the monitors for 2 hours. The good news is the baby is responding well and the doctor says my cervix is long and closed and there was only a bit of blood with mucus in my vagina so whatever it was hopefully is over. Of course this means even more so that I have to take things easy, hopefully dh and his family get the hint. I do have to work tomorrow that I can't change - just talked with the owner yesterday to change the appt to tomorrow instead of next Friday so hoping that things will be okay. I really can't afford to shut the business down for 4 months.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
27w6d
My body is pretty weak from this bedrest. Yesterday I planned to go off full bedrest and do moderate, but I started having reddish spotting again so that stopped that. Thank goodness it stopped shortly after it started.
Today at my u/s everything looked good. The baby measured on track - head was 2 days behind and abdomen and femur were a week ahead producing an estimated weight of 2lb 11oz, so the baby put on a pound in the last 22 days from my last u/s. So growth isn't a problem this time which is great. It made me think that dd must have been small for her age since I was 3 weeks further along when she was born and she was only 5oz larger.
I asked about the bleeding and the doctor confirmed I definately do not have placenta previa. The placenta is 2cm away from the cervix so the bleeding was likely from a small placenta tear. He wasn't too concerned about it since the baby is still growing well and the fluid level measures normal. Hopefully what ever it was will heal and I won't experience anymore bleeding/spotting.
Tomorrow morning we have dd's preschool meeting on how her testing went and what they will offer her. I am kind of nervous, not really knowing what to expect. I don't want her to be short changed on services, but I don't know how she compares to other almost 3 year olds that they see.
Today at my u/s everything looked good. The baby measured on track - head was 2 days behind and abdomen and femur were a week ahead producing an estimated weight of 2lb 11oz, so the baby put on a pound in the last 22 days from my last u/s. So growth isn't a problem this time which is great. It made me think that dd must have been small for her age since I was 3 weeks further along when she was born and she was only 5oz larger.
I asked about the bleeding and the doctor confirmed I definately do not have placenta previa. The placenta is 2cm away from the cervix so the bleeding was likely from a small placenta tear. He wasn't too concerned about it since the baby is still growing well and the fluid level measures normal. Hopefully what ever it was will heal and I won't experience anymore bleeding/spotting.
Tomorrow morning we have dd's preschool meeting on how her testing went and what they will offer her. I am kind of nervous, not really knowing what to expect. I don't want her to be short changed on services, but I don't know how she compares to other almost 3 year olds that they see.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
27w3d
So I have been home now for 21 hours and have experienced nothing but one disaster after another. This is what happens when you leave the house to two clueless men to run.
First when I walked in last night at 6pm, FIL reports dd pulled the thermostat off the wall - not the first time it happened, but this time she broke apart the cover too so it was completely useless. Need I say we live Massachussett and it is December!
Then dd wants to watch her kittycat dvd. DH puts it in the dvd player but it missed the holder so the dvd was struck somewhere instead the player and wouldn't come out.
Now I needed to be on bedrest so I got very mad and told dh he had to open up the player and try and see if he can get the dvd instead. I hand my purse to FIL and tell him to get out the screwdriver. He then asks where in my purse the screwdriver is - there is only one compartment to my purse.
I immediately left them and went up to lie down being so fed up with them.
Then 5 minutes later dh is yelling at me because I won't help him put dd in her pj's and his xbox won't work in the other room (he had to move it so I can sleep in this room). After listening to him throw a hissy fit for 30 minutes I spent 1 minute to look up online on how to get his xbox to work on a standard tv and flipped the stupid switch. Why he couldn't do this I have no idea.
Then this morning I come down to get breakfast and my pills and it is freezing downstairs - because the thermostat is broke. I tell FIL that we can't just live without heat here, the pipes will freeze. I take my bp and it is borderline high - likely because I am so stressed because neither dh nor his FIL can run the house for a 2 day period. (I am not even going to mention the amount of dirty clothes and everything else that needs to be done, but wasn't).
Then dh goes grocery shopping and to pick up our pics from JC Penney (for the 3rd time). He then calls me and tells me he can't get them until after 1pm because there was only one person working and she is swamped. I told him I don't care if she has a million things to do, you went there during their regular business hours on the form, they should give you our pics. I then asked to speak with the women, but he claims he is already back in the parking lot and to have FIL come back at 1. Did I mention the store is a 10 minute drive away and gas is expensive and this was already the 3rd time we went there to get our pictures!
Then when dh gets home he tries to rehook the dvd player back up. I notice the door is not on properly so likely when he reattached everything back last night he didn't look and make sure there were no gaps. I was so pissed. Anyways, dh exclaims that it isn't working so I have to get out of bed to see what the problem is. However before I do this I ask him if he put the components in the right slot (the output slots). He says yes, but it still isn't coming on. So anyways, I have to check it out and of course he had put them in the input slot. Of course it won't come up on the tv then. I was so pissed.
But the biggest piece of the cake happened just now. I guess the landlord is putting asphault down outside to fix some holes and he tells dh to not let dd near the area. So FIL comes home from picking up our pictures and dh comes up to work on his school work. An hour later dd and FIL come up saying he has to change her pants. I figure she must have peed through her pants because her diaper was just changed an hour ago. Then they start talking about the landlord and asphault and I wonder WTF does this have to do with dd needing a new pair of pants. Well finally dd walks out of her room and then I see it. Her pants are covered with tar. I just lost it then. The only good thing is they weren't expensive pants (and I think they already have a small hole in them) so it isn't like I am losing much by having to throw them out, but seriously. I can't even rely on these two grown men to even run the house. I plan on being on complete bedrest until Monday, and it is only Saturday. I don't know how I am going to make it.
First when I walked in last night at 6pm, FIL reports dd pulled the thermostat off the wall - not the first time it happened, but this time she broke apart the cover too so it was completely useless. Need I say we live Massachussett and it is December!
Then dd wants to watch her kittycat dvd. DH puts it in the dvd player but it missed the holder so the dvd was struck somewhere instead the player and wouldn't come out.
Now I needed to be on bedrest so I got very mad and told dh he had to open up the player and try and see if he can get the dvd instead. I hand my purse to FIL and tell him to get out the screwdriver. He then asks where in my purse the screwdriver is - there is only one compartment to my purse.
I immediately left them and went up to lie down being so fed up with them.
Then 5 minutes later dh is yelling at me because I won't help him put dd in her pj's and his xbox won't work in the other room (he had to move it so I can sleep in this room). After listening to him throw a hissy fit for 30 minutes I spent 1 minute to look up online on how to get his xbox to work on a standard tv and flipped the stupid switch. Why he couldn't do this I have no idea.
Then this morning I come down to get breakfast and my pills and it is freezing downstairs - because the thermostat is broke. I tell FIL that we can't just live without heat here, the pipes will freeze. I take my bp and it is borderline high - likely because I am so stressed because neither dh nor his FIL can run the house for a 2 day period. (I am not even going to mention the amount of dirty clothes and everything else that needs to be done, but wasn't).
Then dh goes grocery shopping and to pick up our pics from JC Penney (for the 3rd time). He then calls me and tells me he can't get them until after 1pm because there was only one person working and she is swamped. I told him I don't care if she has a million things to do, you went there during their regular business hours on the form, they should give you our pics. I then asked to speak with the women, but he claims he is already back in the parking lot and to have FIL come back at 1. Did I mention the store is a 10 minute drive away and gas is expensive and this was already the 3rd time we went there to get our pictures!
Then when dh gets home he tries to rehook the dvd player back up. I notice the door is not on properly so likely when he reattached everything back last night he didn't look and make sure there were no gaps. I was so pissed. Anyways, dh exclaims that it isn't working so I have to get out of bed to see what the problem is. However before I do this I ask him if he put the components in the right slot (the output slots). He says yes, but it still isn't coming on. So anyways, I have to check it out and of course he had put them in the input slot. Of course it won't come up on the tv then. I was so pissed.
But the biggest piece of the cake happened just now. I guess the landlord is putting asphault down outside to fix some holes and he tells dh to not let dd near the area. So FIL comes home from picking up our pictures and dh comes up to work on his school work. An hour later dd and FIL come up saying he has to change her pants. I figure she must have peed through her pants because her diaper was just changed an hour ago. Then they start talking about the landlord and asphault and I wonder WTF does this have to do with dd needing a new pair of pants. Well finally dd walks out of her room and then I see it. Her pants are covered with tar. I just lost it then. The only good thing is they weren't expensive pants (and I think they already have a small hole in them) so it isn't like I am losing much by having to throw them out, but seriously. I can't even rely on these two grown men to even run the house. I plan on being on complete bedrest until Monday, and it is only Saturday. I don't know how I am going to make it.
Friday, December 14, 2012
27w2d
I get to go home today. I am so happy because I am sick of being here all ready. It is funny last pregnancy I had to spend 3 weeks in the hospital and this time after 1.5 days I want to go home. I think it has to do with not having any clothes or personal items except for my phone and laptop, also being limited on what I can eat and drink. Of course I am likely going to stay in bed all weekend with only bathroom breaks because I don't know if the bleeding only stopped because of me being in bed. Don't want to get home and have it start right up again from being active.
I have been bleed and spot free since mid-day yesterday but then started light brown spotting after a BM this morning, but it has now stopped, so I am not out of the woods yet. I just wish I knew what was causing this and hope that it doesn't happen again. Luckily I have a growth scan on Tuesday so only 4 more days to wait.
I have been bleed and spot free since mid-day yesterday but then started light brown spotting after a BM this morning, but it has now stopped, so I am not out of the woods yet. I just wish I knew what was causing this and hope that it doesn't happen again. Luckily I have a growth scan on Tuesday so only 4 more days to wait.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
27w1d
So I had a horrible start to 27 weeks. Everything was fine yesterday, then when I got home after dd's therapies down the cape I went to the bathroom and saw bright red blood in my underwear. I thought oh no this isn't good. And as expected there was blood in the toilet after peeing. I immediately started to freak out. It is one thing to bleed from a SCH, it is another thing to bleed at 27 weeks.
I called up the hospital but they told me because of the drive it was best to go to the local hospital so I did. They had me hooked up for 3 hours, everything looked fine with the baby, cervix is closed and the spectrum exam looked like the blood was turning darker old blood. The Mfm on call though wanted me to go to Providence to be further ministered there so I had to be sent by ambulance - this is starting to remind me of last pregnancy :( I then spent the next 3 hours in triage there where they repeat all the same stuff plus did a portable u/s exam that showed everything good. The resident had no words of advice and basically said this happens sometime.
Anyways they kept me for the night. Tried to put those stupid inflatable boots on my legs but luckily the machine kept acting up so they took them off at 1 this robing. The bleeding dried down over night. Went to only a small amount of pink and then nothing at 4am. The doctor came at 6 this morning still not helpful and with no explanation and basically said if everything looks good after the next few hours I can go home.
I then went to the bathroom again. And the red spotting/bleeding started again. Not as bad as when it first happened but there when I wipe and some going into the toilet so I don't know what to think or do. I don't think I can deal with this anymore without knowing where this bleeding is coming from. And how long it will last.
I called up the hospital but they told me because of the drive it was best to go to the local hospital so I did. They had me hooked up for 3 hours, everything looked fine with the baby, cervix is closed and the spectrum exam looked like the blood was turning darker old blood. The Mfm on call though wanted me to go to Providence to be further ministered there so I had to be sent by ambulance - this is starting to remind me of last pregnancy :( I then spent the next 3 hours in triage there where they repeat all the same stuff plus did a portable u/s exam that showed everything good. The resident had no words of advice and basically said this happens sometime.
Anyways they kept me for the night. Tried to put those stupid inflatable boots on my legs but luckily the machine kept acting up so they took them off at 1 this robing. The bleeding dried down over night. Went to only a small amount of pink and then nothing at 4am. The doctor came at 6 this morning still not helpful and with no explanation and basically said if everything looks good after the next few hours I can go home.
I then went to the bathroom again. And the red spotting/bleeding started again. Not as bad as when it first happened but there when I wipe and some going into the toilet so I don't know what to think or do. I don't think I can deal with this anymore without knowing where this bleeding is coming from. And how long it will last.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
26w6d
I have noticed that I am getting more bitchy these days. It isn't that I mean it, just my tolerance for people and stupid questions is low. It is like that hormonal feeling you get before AF, and you just want to strangle some people.
MIL and FIL came by this morning with a futon for our living room so we can finally get rid of the ugly mattress on the floor. Unfortunately they forgot 2 of the pieces so for now the mattress is staying. Anyways, when all of them were arguing about what to do because of this, dd came and pushed the heavy frame to where it fell right on my foot so now I have a hurt foot. I was able to walk on it this afternoon, but now tonight it is starting to hurt more again. I really hope I didn't break it, I really don't need a broke foot on top of being pregnant and already having difficulty getting around. What is pissing me off even more is dh's bio father who claims he was watching dd and now tonight he is mad that dh called him out on not watching her more closely saying he couldn't watch her. He totally misses the point that that frame was heavy and it landed full force on my foot and I am still in pain from it. It is really making me question how much I can rely on him at all. I mean 3 months ago he failed to stop the pantry door from falling on dd, even though he was standing right there.
MIL and FIL came by this morning with a futon for our living room so we can finally get rid of the ugly mattress on the floor. Unfortunately they forgot 2 of the pieces so for now the mattress is staying. Anyways, when all of them were arguing about what to do because of this, dd came and pushed the heavy frame to where it fell right on my foot so now I have a hurt foot. I was able to walk on it this afternoon, but now tonight it is starting to hurt more again. I really hope I didn't break it, I really don't need a broke foot on top of being pregnant and already having difficulty getting around. What is pissing me off even more is dh's bio father who claims he was watching dd and now tonight he is mad that dh called him out on not watching her more closely saying he couldn't watch her. He totally misses the point that that frame was heavy and it landed full force on my foot and I am still in pain from it. It is really making me question how much I can rely on him at all. I mean 3 months ago he failed to stop the pantry door from falling on dd, even though he was standing right there.
Monday, December 10, 2012
26w5d
My doctor's appt went great this morning. I arrived at 10:07 for my 10:15 appt and was out the door by 10:30. This after registering, waiting to be called back, and then waiting for the doctor. This is in big contrast to the appt a couple of months ago where I would wait 45 min to be called back and then another 45 min for the doctor.
My weight is 247.5 so I am only up 1.5 lb from 2 weeks ago surprisely. This is much better than the last 2 appt where I was putting on 8-10 lb in a 3 week time span.
My bp was 128/82 - they still don't tell me the numbers, but I have learned that if they put the paper on the counter before leaving that I can see it. At this stage in my last pregnancy my protein level was 430 and I had pre-eclampsia so it is great news that so far I have no sign of any problems, of course I still have to be seen frequently and take my bp twice daily to make sure problems don't start up.
I also found out I don't have diabetes - ya, so no doing the 3 hour test or having to change my diet and that for the u/s 2 weeks ago the baby measured in the 60 something percent :)
I have my u/s next Tuesday and then see the doctor again on Christmas eve - unfortunately his latest appt that day is 8:45am so looks like I have to get up really early that day. I don't think this year will seem much like Christmas with having to go to the doctor's on Christmas eve and then the day after Christmas dd has a full day of therapy. Our tree even sucks this year because dd has pulled off all the ornaments except for the ones on the top third of the tree and I am too exhausted to put up any other decorations. Not even sure how I am going to go about wrapping all of dd's presents. Just wrapping the 7 gifts for my family a few nights ago put a big strain on me and I could hardly move the next day.
My weight is 247.5 so I am only up 1.5 lb from 2 weeks ago surprisely. This is much better than the last 2 appt where I was putting on 8-10 lb in a 3 week time span.
My bp was 128/82 - they still don't tell me the numbers, but I have learned that if they put the paper on the counter before leaving that I can see it. At this stage in my last pregnancy my protein level was 430 and I had pre-eclampsia so it is great news that so far I have no sign of any problems, of course I still have to be seen frequently and take my bp twice daily to make sure problems don't start up.
I also found out I don't have diabetes - ya, so no doing the 3 hour test or having to change my diet and that for the u/s 2 weeks ago the baby measured in the 60 something percent :)
I have my u/s next Tuesday and then see the doctor again on Christmas eve - unfortunately his latest appt that day is 8:45am so looks like I have to get up really early that day. I don't think this year will seem much like Christmas with having to go to the doctor's on Christmas eve and then the day after Christmas dd has a full day of therapy. Our tree even sucks this year because dd has pulled off all the ornaments except for the ones on the top third of the tree and I am too exhausted to put up any other decorations. Not even sure how I am going to go about wrapping all of dd's presents. Just wrapping the 7 gifts for my family a few nights ago put a big strain on me and I could hardly move the next day.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
26 weeks
I am now at the point where I developed pre-eclampsia last time (though I didn't find out about it for 3 weeks thanks to the stupid hospital not informing anyone my protein level was 430).
I am still 5 weeks away from where I gave birth last time and 11 weeks away from being full-term, but it is nice to reach this milestone and so far not have PE, as well as still have normal bp numbers.
I am hoping this is a good sign that I will be able to go to term this pregnancy and hopefully not develop PE at all.
I had dd's preschool eval this morning. Monday was the intake interview and after I finally got to tell the woman about my last pregnancy she understood why I was worried and wanted to try and get the transition stuff underway as quickly as possible. I am glad she scheduled the testing for so soon and we have the team meeting now Dec 19 so hopefully after that everything will be all set. I am also glad I won't have to wait until the new year like I thought I would for the results.
I am still 5 weeks away from where I gave birth last time and 11 weeks away from being full-term, but it is nice to reach this milestone and so far not have PE, as well as still have normal bp numbers.
I am hoping this is a good sign that I will be able to go to term this pregnancy and hopefully not develop PE at all.
I had dd's preschool eval this morning. Monday was the intake interview and after I finally got to tell the woman about my last pregnancy she understood why I was worried and wanted to try and get the transition stuff underway as quickly as possible. I am glad she scheduled the testing for so soon and we have the team meeting now Dec 19 so hopefully after that everything will be all set. I am also glad I won't have to wait until the new year like I thought I would for the results.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
25w4d
Today hasn't been a very good day. I started the day off experiencing cramping like pain. The pain was constant, but every so often increased in intensity for quick periods of time. Unfortunately FIL went out all day and dh had to work on his school assignments so I was struck watching dd all day. By later afternoon I did start to feel better after standing for a while and putting up the tree.
Though after sitting down again the achiness and pressure is back, though not as bad as this morning.
I don't really know what to make of this pain. My money is on that it is ligament stretching or the start of SPD. I don't think it is contractions, but it does worry me because I am still so early. Hopefully today is a one day occurance of this and I will be back painfree tomorrow.
The good news is besides dd's school board meeting tomorrow I have the rest of the week free incase something happens - of course that is if I don't get any calls which with the way things are going I don't see that happening. Business has been busy the last 2 weeks and today someone tried calling 3 times, but I don't answer on Sunday so I am not sure what to make of it (I assume since they tried 3 times that it was some type of emergency).
Though after sitting down again the achiness and pressure is back, though not as bad as this morning.
I don't really know what to make of this pain. My money is on that it is ligament stretching or the start of SPD. I don't think it is contractions, but it does worry me because I am still so early. Hopefully today is a one day occurance of this and I will be back painfree tomorrow.
The good news is besides dd's school board meeting tomorrow I have the rest of the week free incase something happens - of course that is if I don't get any calls which with the way things are going I don't see that happening. Business has been busy the last 2 weeks and today someone tried calling 3 times, but I don't answer on Sunday so I am not sure what to make of it (I assume since they tried 3 times that it was some type of emergency).
Monday, November 26, 2012
24w5d
Had my best doctor's today. My bp was normal and the doctor was pleased that it has been good the last 3 weeks. The only bad thing is I seem to be putting on a ton of weight. I am now 20 lb over my prepregnancy, which means I put on 8 lb since my last appt 3 weeks ago - that means I have been gaining more than 2 lb a week which is really bad with already starting this pregnancy obese. Luckily my doctor didn't mention the weight. I have to go back this week to do the glucose test only cause I refused to do it today because I wanted to get some lunch. I now am seeing my doctor every 2 weeks and an u/s every 3-4 weeks so I am happy that I will be monitored more.
After lunch I had my growth scan and everything looks good with the baby. It is measuring right on track - I think the head and femur measured exact for days and the abdomen was a few days ahead.
The estimated weight is 1 lb and 11 oz. We also confirmed the sex again so now I am 110% that this baby is a girl without a doubt so I am glad about that.
I go back to the doctor on Dec 10 and get another u/s on Dec 18.
After lunch I had my growth scan and everything looks good with the baby. It is measuring right on track - I think the head and femur measured exact for days and the abdomen was a few days ahead.
The estimated weight is 1 lb and 11 oz. We also confirmed the sex again so now I am 110% that this baby is a girl without a doubt so I am glad about that.
I go back to the doctor on Dec 10 and get another u/s on Dec 18.
Friday, November 23, 2012
24w2d
I am now less than 7 weeks away from the point I gave birth before and a week away from when I developed pre-eclampsia last time. I go back to the doctor in 3 days and hoping that everything looks good then. I really can't handle being hospitalized now. Business has been busy surpisely. I assumed with it being Thanksgiving weekend that it would have been a slow week like the rest of the month, but that turned out to be not true. I know it is good because I need the money, but it is worrying me since I don't know how much longer I can keep going, plus the next 3 weeks is very busy for dh school wise.
3 days ago we had dd's genetic appt. Everything went well and we don't have to go back for another year. I was hoping that they could test the baby when it is born, but the doctor doesn't feel it is necessary since mine and dh's anomallies are labelled unknown significance so even if the baby did inherit one or both of them we don't know if it will cause a problem or not. So I guess we will just have to wait and see and keep an eye on any development or physical problems.
3 days ago we had dd's genetic appt. Everything went well and we don't have to go back for another year. I was hoping that they could test the baby when it is born, but the doctor doesn't feel it is necessary since mine and dh's anomallies are labelled unknown significance so even if the baby did inherit one or both of them we don't know if it will cause a problem or not. So I guess we will just have to wait and see and keep an eye on any development or physical problems.
Monday, November 19, 2012
23w5d
1 more week until my appt and u/s. Nothing much new to report. My pressures are normal on my bp machine (who knows how accurate that is though). I have signs of any problems. The baby is moving daily, though despite all this it is still easy to forget I am pregnant most of the time. This is in complete contrast to my twin's pregnancy which was on my mind every single of the day.
I don't know if it is because I currently have a child right now that keeps me busy, meanwhile when I was last pregnant I wasn't working or had any children so it was the only thing on my mind.
Yesterday I went through the classes dh will take next semester. Unfortunately none of them are online like this semester, but at least it will be only be 3 courses compared to 4.5 which he is taken this semester (his advisor says 3 is full-time so hopefully this is true) and 2/3 only meet 1-2 times a month, so I am hoping things will work out that he won't miss any school for the birth.
It is still going to be hard though, and I don't know how we will manage for those 4 months.
I don't know if it is because I currently have a child right now that keeps me busy, meanwhile when I was last pregnant I wasn't working or had any children so it was the only thing on my mind.
Yesterday I went through the classes dh will take next semester. Unfortunately none of them are online like this semester, but at least it will be only be 3 courses compared to 4.5 which he is taken this semester (his advisor says 3 is full-time so hopefully this is true) and 2/3 only meet 1-2 times a month, so I am hoping things will work out that he won't miss any school for the birth.
It is still going to be hard though, and I don't know how we will manage for those 4 months.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
22w4d
10 days from viability and 2 weeks from my next u/s. I really hope that everything is still doing well with the baby. This is such a worry. My bp has been good on my home machine so hoping that it is accurate.
These past few days I have been reminded about everything that can go wrong. Had my monthly loss group on Thursday night. I prayed for no new members since I didn't want to tell our story or hear everyone else's again. Luckily there wasn't anybody new - probably the only good thing about the group no longer being done at the hospital and new loss mothers therefore not being told about it.
The latest member who's son was stillborn this summer just found out she is pregnant again. I was so happy for her. It is funny how when people in the general public get pregnant it bothers me, but for these women I am thrilled. Even one has b/g twins after her loss of her first daughter and she is the only twin mom that I am happy for. I didn't add her as a friend though for the longest time on fb though, until just recently. However it doesn't bother me seeing her twins. I think because the boy looks so much different. The whole family is dark haired (being Portugese) and the boy has blond hair. Because her twins look so different it doesn't seem like they are twins.
The women who just lost her son just found out what killed him. I guess his blood left his body and entered hers so he died of profound blood loss. I guess it is a fluke event so she feels better, however me being pregnant this news scares the crap out of me. Here now is another thing that can happen in any pregnancy with no warning and nothing that anybody can do about it if it is severe enough like it was in her case. It is just worrisome that there is never a safe time that everything will be okay and doing all the right things means nothing.
Then just this morning I log onto fb to post a funny comment about dd and I see my one aunt posting to my other aunt making reference that my cousin's newborn baby just died. She was only 10 days old. I can't even imagine that. I must admit I wasn't very happy with my aunt over these past 6 months about how she would post so many status updates about her dd and her big pregnant belly. Not to mention the dd is mentally unstable and has went from one guy to another guy for the past 3 years (getting engaged to the first 2 after dating a month, setting the wedding date for 6 months later, and then calling off the wedding and breaking up with the guy 5 months later). However no one should ever have to bare this pain of losing a child, especially one after carrying for 9 months and being born and thinking everything is finally fine.
These past few days I have been reminded about everything that can go wrong. Had my monthly loss group on Thursday night. I prayed for no new members since I didn't want to tell our story or hear everyone else's again. Luckily there wasn't anybody new - probably the only good thing about the group no longer being done at the hospital and new loss mothers therefore not being told about it.
The latest member who's son was stillborn this summer just found out she is pregnant again. I was so happy for her. It is funny how when people in the general public get pregnant it bothers me, but for these women I am thrilled. Even one has b/g twins after her loss of her first daughter and she is the only twin mom that I am happy for. I didn't add her as a friend though for the longest time on fb though, until just recently. However it doesn't bother me seeing her twins. I think because the boy looks so much different. The whole family is dark haired (being Portugese) and the boy has blond hair. Because her twins look so different it doesn't seem like they are twins.
The women who just lost her son just found out what killed him. I guess his blood left his body and entered hers so he died of profound blood loss. I guess it is a fluke event so she feels better, however me being pregnant this news scares the crap out of me. Here now is another thing that can happen in any pregnancy with no warning and nothing that anybody can do about it if it is severe enough like it was in her case. It is just worrisome that there is never a safe time that everything will be okay and doing all the right things means nothing.
Then just this morning I log onto fb to post a funny comment about dd and I see my one aunt posting to my other aunt making reference that my cousin's newborn baby just died. She was only 10 days old. I can't even imagine that. I must admit I wasn't very happy with my aunt over these past 6 months about how she would post so many status updates about her dd and her big pregnant belly. Not to mention the dd is mentally unstable and has went from one guy to another guy for the past 3 years (getting engaged to the first 2 after dating a month, setting the wedding date for 6 months later, and then calling off the wedding and breaking up with the guy 5 months later). However no one should ever have to bare this pain of losing a child, especially one after carrying for 9 months and being born and thinking everything is finally fine.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
22 weeks
The baby has been very active today. Doing a lot of rolling which feels very weird, but just happy she is moving a lot today since I would be worried if it was the other way around.
My bp have been normal at home here. Not sure how accurate my machine and cuff is. My stupid arm seems to be between the normal adult size and the large size so I never know which cuff to use.
At the doctor's they have been using the large one so I figure now I should try it with that.
Of course I am still worried about getting PE again, but I am starting to wonder how true it was my bp was that on Monday at the doctor's.
Had my WIC appt today. I really hate going down there, though it has seemed to not be as bad as when I first started to go last pregnancy. Now the wait is only 15-30 min compared to 1-2 hours as it was before. Had the mean nutrientionist though today. They made another appt in 2 months time - Jan 3. I will be 30 weeks then, so not too sure if I will be able to make it or not, last time I was put in the hospital at 29 weeks.
My bp have been normal at home here. Not sure how accurate my machine and cuff is. My stupid arm seems to be between the normal adult size and the large size so I never know which cuff to use.
At the doctor's they have been using the large one so I figure now I should try it with that.
Of course I am still worried about getting PE again, but I am starting to wonder how true it was my bp was that on Monday at the doctor's.
Had my WIC appt today. I really hate going down there, though it has seemed to not be as bad as when I first started to go last pregnancy. Now the wait is only 15-30 min compared to 1-2 hours as it was before. Had the mean nutrientionist though today. They made another appt in 2 months time - Jan 3. I will be 30 weeks then, so not too sure if I will be able to make it or not, last time I was put in the hospital at 29 weeks.
Monday, November 5, 2012
21w5d
So I had my ob appt today. Luckily this time I didn't have as long of a wait - 45 min compared to the 1.5 hrs last time. Unfortunately things didn't go as well at this appt. On Friday my systolic bp was 140. I blamed it on walking around for the few minutes before and the cuff being too big. I tried again 3 min later with the smaller cuff (which you would think would give a higher reading since I am just past the min line, but at least it seems to fit better than the large one) and it was 130 so I felt better. Saturday I caught dd's cold (she got sick on Thursday - not sure how she got a cold since last week we only to the library and then out for Halloween - she was at home all weekend and Monday and Tuesday) and was too busy to take my bp. Yesterday I was much sicker and when I took my bp the systolic was 143 (this was after sitting for 30 min so I couldn't use that excuse). I was a bit relieved the dystolic was normal and the fact I was going to see the doctor today. I did read online that a cold could increase the systolic so I tried to blame it on that.
Anyways when I got called in today I told the nurse right away about the bp issues and the dizzy spells from before. She took my bp and said it was normal at 134/85. Yes that may be normal, but that is getting on the higher end of normal and it worries me that the dystolic there was creeping up since it has always been around 70 at home here. It also makes me wonder how great my bp machine is here at home because this morning it gave me a reading of 117/68. My urine dip stick only had trace protein (which I looked on the container means under 30 so who knows how accurate that is).
When the doctor came in though he was all concerned that I am heading into getting PE again. Unfortuunately he is away the next 2 weeks so I can not see him again until the 26th. He did tell me to take my bp twice a day and keep a log and bring it next time (I kept a log these past 3 weeks but forgot to bring it with me since I had to rush out the door). He also booked an u/s for 3 weeks (so it will be on the 26th as well). I hate though that I have to wait this long to get an u/s since it has already been almost 4 weeks so by then it will be almost 7 weeks inbetween u/s. Anyways, it is looking like when I go in 3 weeks I will have to do another 24 hr urine and if it comes back over 300 then I will likely be admited for hospital bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. This really upset me because I really wanted to avoid this this time. Last time I got put in the hospital at 29 weeks and it would have been sooner if the stupid hospital didn't forget to tell my ob for 3 weeks that I had PE. I really don't want to do hospital bedrest and have a preemie and nicu stay again, but the way things are going this is what is looking what will happen and there is nothing I can do about it which is so frustrating.
To make matters worse it will be really hard to be away for weeks at a time this time. I am self employed and am the only one who takes dd to her therapies. She will also be going through the preschool transition process starting in December - February. We went to the school board on Friday to try and move up these dates but they won't saying that I will still be very far from my due date when they have the first meeting on Dec 3. Ya, maybe for a regular pregnant person 26 weeks is still very far from their due date, but the way things are going I may be admitted by 25 weeks. It also concerns me that I am still 16 days away from viability and another 6 weeks away from the baby having a decent shot of survival (though still high chance of complications and disabilities). I can't get PE already. And further more I really don't want to miss Christmas. DD will only be 2.5 once at Christmas and this is something that can't be made up for.
Anyways when I got called in today I told the nurse right away about the bp issues and the dizzy spells from before. She took my bp and said it was normal at 134/85. Yes that may be normal, but that is getting on the higher end of normal and it worries me that the dystolic there was creeping up since it has always been around 70 at home here. It also makes me wonder how great my bp machine is here at home because this morning it gave me a reading of 117/68. My urine dip stick only had trace protein (which I looked on the container means under 30 so who knows how accurate that is).
When the doctor came in though he was all concerned that I am heading into getting PE again. Unfortuunately he is away the next 2 weeks so I can not see him again until the 26th. He did tell me to take my bp twice a day and keep a log and bring it next time (I kept a log these past 3 weeks but forgot to bring it with me since I had to rush out the door). He also booked an u/s for 3 weeks (so it will be on the 26th as well). I hate though that I have to wait this long to get an u/s since it has already been almost 4 weeks so by then it will be almost 7 weeks inbetween u/s. Anyways, it is looking like when I go in 3 weeks I will have to do another 24 hr urine and if it comes back over 300 then I will likely be admited for hospital bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. This really upset me because I really wanted to avoid this this time. Last time I got put in the hospital at 29 weeks and it would have been sooner if the stupid hospital didn't forget to tell my ob for 3 weeks that I had PE. I really don't want to do hospital bedrest and have a preemie and nicu stay again, but the way things are going this is what is looking what will happen and there is nothing I can do about it which is so frustrating.
To make matters worse it will be really hard to be away for weeks at a time this time. I am self employed and am the only one who takes dd to her therapies. She will also be going through the preschool transition process starting in December - February. We went to the school board on Friday to try and move up these dates but they won't saying that I will still be very far from my due date when they have the first meeting on Dec 3. Ya, maybe for a regular pregnant person 26 weeks is still very far from their due date, but the way things are going I may be admitted by 25 weeks. It also concerns me that I am still 16 days away from viability and another 6 weeks away from the baby having a decent shot of survival (though still high chance of complications and disabilities). I can't get PE already. And further more I really don't want to miss Christmas. DD will only be 2.5 once at Christmas and this is something that can't be made up for.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
21 weeks
So I have come to a very weird realization today. In both my pregnancies I turned 21 weeks on holidays. Last time it was Christmas day, this time it is Halloween. I find this very odd.
This is a big milestone for me because it was on this date in time that ds died last pregnancy. He had a heartbeat Christmas morning and no longer a heartbeat on the 26th so some time from 21w0d and 21w1d he died. It feels good to reach my 2nd loss point. Of course it totally doesn't elimate my fears, it does help instill in me that this baby will likely stay and live.
I feel the baby a lot more now, but it is more in the evening. I am not sure if this is just when the baby more active or when I am finally able to rest after putting dd to bed. I must say it is totally different being pregnant when already taking care of a child. 90% of the time the pregnancy takes a backburner and is only a passing thought since my day is so preoccupied with dd. I am wondering if this will change once I get larger and it is no longer easy to hide it in public.
This is a big milestone for me because it was on this date in time that ds died last pregnancy. He had a heartbeat Christmas morning and no longer a heartbeat on the 26th so some time from 21w0d and 21w1d he died. It feels good to reach my 2nd loss point. Of course it totally doesn't elimate my fears, it does help instill in me that this baby will likely stay and live.
I feel the baby a lot more now, but it is more in the evening. I am not sure if this is just when the baby more active or when I am finally able to rest after putting dd to bed. I must say it is totally different being pregnant when already taking care of a child. 90% of the time the pregnancy takes a backburner and is only a passing thought since my day is so preoccupied with dd. I am wondering if this will change once I get larger and it is no longer easy to hide it in public.
Friday, October 26, 2012
20w2d
Last night I had a dream that I was at a play put on by dd's school. I got tired of waiting for her to come on so I took a break and went and helped make baby baskets. Once I was done with that I returned and there had some kids in her class performing, but not her. After that last performance the show was over. I realized then I had missed seeing dd perform because I was too impatient to wait and instead decided to do this baby stuff to help past the time until it was her turn.
I think this dream is a big sign that I need to watch what I am doing and not forget dd with this new baby coming. I don't think I am doing that - in fact I think the opposite - most of the time I forget I am pregnant because I am so busy dealing with dd. However, likely once the baby gets here I will need to watch this.
In other news, I just got rid of all my left over ivf drugs. I placed the ad yesterday for the 2nd time - first time was a few weeks ago, but the stupid site never posted it. This morning I had 2 emails in my inbox. One was from someone 4 hours away asking if I would sell them at a very reduced price if she came to pick them up. Since I really didn't want to be bothered with mailing stuff, I agreed. Throughout the day I got phonecalls from all over the US, but I never answered.
Anyways, I was really nervous about doing this, but we really needed the money and I really want this meds to go to use to help someone. However, both me and dh couldn't shake this bad feeling we had. So in order to make myself feel better I decided to research this women. The women told me a sob story about how she has just been diagnosised with cancer and now has to cycle before having chemo and radiation. I should know better than to believe a story like that, but I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I figured I would find out nothing at all by googling this person's email and phone number, or at most that they are a good normal person. Well turns out I was wrong. Appartently this woman is a known scammer on many sites with a bunch of different allias which she uses to buy meds for cheap or free and then resell them for a big profit.
I couldn't believe that I actually felt guilty doing what I did with my left over meds when what this woman is doing is way way worse and not only is she selling meds once, but on a continuous basis.
I can't believe that there are people out there like that that would do such a thing to infertile couples, not to mention lying about having cancer.
I think this dream is a big sign that I need to watch what I am doing and not forget dd with this new baby coming. I don't think I am doing that - in fact I think the opposite - most of the time I forget I am pregnant because I am so busy dealing with dd. However, likely once the baby gets here I will need to watch this.
In other news, I just got rid of all my left over ivf drugs. I placed the ad yesterday for the 2nd time - first time was a few weeks ago, but the stupid site never posted it. This morning I had 2 emails in my inbox. One was from someone 4 hours away asking if I would sell them at a very reduced price if she came to pick them up. Since I really didn't want to be bothered with mailing stuff, I agreed. Throughout the day I got phonecalls from all over the US, but I never answered.
Anyways, I was really nervous about doing this, but we really needed the money and I really want this meds to go to use to help someone. However, both me and dh couldn't shake this bad feeling we had. So in order to make myself feel better I decided to research this women. The women told me a sob story about how she has just been diagnosised with cancer and now has to cycle before having chemo and radiation. I should know better than to believe a story like that, but I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I figured I would find out nothing at all by googling this person's email and phone number, or at most that they are a good normal person. Well turns out I was wrong. Appartently this woman is a known scammer on many sites with a bunch of different allias which she uses to buy meds for cheap or free and then resell them for a big profit.
I couldn't believe that I actually felt guilty doing what I did with my left over meds when what this woman is doing is way way worse and not only is she selling meds once, but on a continuous basis.
I can't believe that there are people out there like that that would do such a thing to infertile couples, not to mention lying about having cancer.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
20 weeks
Finally half way through the pregnancy.
Here's hoping to a better 2nd half.
I am still 1 week away from when ds died so that will be a big milestone for me.
Then 4 weeks from viability - not like it means much because being viabile is different than actually being able to live and be normal.
8 weeks away from 3rd trimester and survibility increase to 95%.
11 weeks away from when I gave birth last time.
17 weeks away from full-term
and 19 weeks away from earliest c-section date if there is no problems.
I am also worried because the longer I go the higher the chance I can get pre-eclampsia and iugr agin. Of course if it happens at the end it isn't as big of a deal, but I really wish I won't have to deal with those things again.
Here's hoping to a better 2nd half.
I am still 1 week away from when ds died so that will be a big milestone for me.
Then 4 weeks from viability - not like it means much because being viabile is different than actually being able to live and be normal.
8 weeks away from 3rd trimester and survibility increase to 95%.
11 weeks away from when I gave birth last time.
17 weeks away from full-term
and 19 weeks away from earliest c-section date if there is no problems.
I am also worried because the longer I go the higher the chance I can get pre-eclampsia and iugr agin. Of course if it happens at the end it isn't as big of a deal, but I really wish I won't have to deal with those things again.
Monday, October 22, 2012
19w5d
So I have been feeling good about this pregnancy since I haven't had a loss dream, well that ended last night. Well I did technology had a loss dream back in the 1st trimester, but that was a loss after birth so different. The reason why m/c dreams scare me is because I have had one before both my losses before and they were pretty similar in experience. This one was similar in that I gave birth to the baby that was born too soon to save, only difference was this time the baby wasn't alive, unlike the dream I had with the twins they were both alive and trying to breathe at 15 weeks but couldn't really.
In this dream I went to the toilet and felt a plop. I knew immediately what it meant. Then I had a few more plops. I prayed that it wasn't what I thought it was and only in my imagine, but nope when I got up and looked there was the baby at the bottom of the toilet, and the placenta - the 2nd plop on the top of the water. I couldn't make out the baby well at all, but knew it was likely there on the bottom. I debated for a minute what to do. Wanting to fish it out of the toilet bottom, but also scared to do so. Also feeling upset that I was no longer pregnant and had loss the baby. It was at this point I woke up.
I am trying to tell myself that the dream doesn't mean anything. If it was true, I would have been in a lot of pain, etc. I didn't experience any pain during the birth in the dream. It was just one minute I was pregnant and then needed to go to the bathroom and then out comes the baby. No pushing or pain. Meanwhile if this was real I would be having contractions for hours before hand, as well as know what was about to happen.
Tomorrow is the last day I can possibly have a m/c anyhow, unfortunately it isn't the last day I could have a loss. I am still a week away from the point where ds died, so maybe that is playing into this dream.
I also worry that I don't feel the baby as much as I should. I know it is early and some people don't feel the baby at all at this point, but I would feel much better if I felt constant strong movements. Most of the movements I do feel are still what I would consider flutters. Also though my stomach has popped, I don't look pregnant to other people, just very fat. I blame being long waisted and having a pear shape on this. Normally my weight is just in my hips and thighs, but now with my stomach getting bigger it just makes me look like I big and fat all over. I really don't know if I will ever have a proper pregnancy belly.
In this dream I went to the toilet and felt a plop. I knew immediately what it meant. Then I had a few more plops. I prayed that it wasn't what I thought it was and only in my imagine, but nope when I got up and looked there was the baby at the bottom of the toilet, and the placenta - the 2nd plop on the top of the water. I couldn't make out the baby well at all, but knew it was likely there on the bottom. I debated for a minute what to do. Wanting to fish it out of the toilet bottom, but also scared to do so. Also feeling upset that I was no longer pregnant and had loss the baby. It was at this point I woke up.
I am trying to tell myself that the dream doesn't mean anything. If it was true, I would have been in a lot of pain, etc. I didn't experience any pain during the birth in the dream. It was just one minute I was pregnant and then needed to go to the bathroom and then out comes the baby. No pushing or pain. Meanwhile if this was real I would be having contractions for hours before hand, as well as know what was about to happen.
Tomorrow is the last day I can possibly have a m/c anyhow, unfortunately it isn't the last day I could have a loss. I am still a week away from the point where ds died, so maybe that is playing into this dream.
I also worry that I don't feel the baby as much as I should. I know it is early and some people don't feel the baby at all at this point, but I would feel much better if I felt constant strong movements. Most of the movements I do feel are still what I would consider flutters. Also though my stomach has popped, I don't look pregnant to other people, just very fat. I blame being long waisted and having a pear shape on this. Normally my weight is just in my hips and thighs, but now with my stomach getting bigger it just makes me look like I big and fat all over. I really don't know if I will ever have a proper pregnancy belly.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
19w4d
So my MIL called on Friday about a psychic convection happening in town and wanted to know if I wanted to go. I agreed, thinking it could be fine. I didn't really have anything I cared about knowing right now. I am finally pregnant, know the sex, and feel confident that things will work out financially and work wise for us. It was $20 for a 15 min reading. MIL went to a medium to try and connect with her mother who passed almost 2 years ago. I asked them to just give me any psychic that didn't have a long wait. I had a choice between one that reads palms and tarot cards, and another that is into numerology. I really didn't care and really just wanted someone who I could look and touch me and tell me my deepest darkest secrets. I don't believe using special devices really equals being a psychic because anyone can grab a book or research on the internet what the difference cards, etc mean.
Anyways, I decided to go with the first person. She started off looking at my palm and at first it seemed like she was hitting the nail on the wall. She said that I am the boss, but I am also stubborn and need to learn to be more flexible. I had to laugh at this because it is very true and I am the boss of everything from career wise to family and home wise. She said that I am healthy and that she feels a bit resistance with pulling back so that I have some baggage and need to learn to let it go.
She asked what I did for a living since a boss role would be best for me and I told her which seemed to run the rest of the reading. She said I was very intelligent. Which is true, but anyone could guess that from my profession, so I don't give her any points for that. She then asked about living situation and I said I live with my husband and dd. She was a bit surprised about this, and after coming home and looking on the internet I see I don't really have a marriage line (it is not on my palm, but side of hand) and there are no children lines. This makes me then question how accurate palm reading really is. She did say other things that hit the nail too though so who knows. She said I have been through a lot of suffering and hardness in my past which is very true, and that I don't hold anything back - what you see is what you get - which is also true.
She then used the tarot cards and most of the reading was pretty good but she did see that change was going to happen and then drew the death card. At first this worried me but then looking online afterwards I realize it only means change and a ending of a way of life and entering a new way of life. That is has more to do with symbolizism than actual physical death. However it still worried me with being pregnant. I assume that it probably means that my life is going to change because of the pregnancy and baby, but who knows. I kept quiet about the pregnancy and since I am so fat it is not noticable to strangers at all - they just think my belly is big because I am fat, not pregnant (I hate this stage because my belly is not normally this large, but strangers don't know that). I wanted to see if she would guess I was pregnant from the reading, but she never did. She related everything from the reading and cards to the business, so it makes me wonder about this woman's crediblity since the only things she really knew is what I told her. She did draw the high pristress card when the question was how others view me, which she was happy about - saying it is the highest card in the deck and that it means people see me as a geniune and good person and look up to me.
I never drew any reverse/negative cards, not sure if there were any in the deck or not since I didn't pay attention when I shuffled. So I am trying to not be concerned about the death card since it was upright and online it says that means positive change, just not sure why that card will come up and not a more appropriate pregnancy one like the Emperist.
Finally she said I was fearful in the past, but not anymore. This is true since my fears with this pregnancy has decreased recently, though they still totally haven't gone away.
After the reading we went to ikea, which later turned out to be a bad idea. I forgot it was Saturday so it was super packed and walking even a short distance is hard for me, let alone through the whole ikea store. I am interested in getting a pull out couch for guests and FIL if he doesn't leave soon (getting tired of having a mattress on our living room floor). MIL said ikea had ones that were in the 150-250 dollar range. Well this turned out to be totally accurate. Yes they had couches that became beds for that price, but they weren't pull out beds, they were futons. I don't really want a futon as our main living room seating place. I guess I am struck still waiting to find a used one one craig's list free section.
Then we needed to look for a dresser for the baby clothes. MIL offered to buy us the dresser. We found a nice pull out set of drawers that she will pick up once we find out the crib colors (her friend is selling her used crib and since dd destroyed her crib it will probably be best to get another one). It wasn't that cheap though $100, but if she wants to buy it I am not going to complain. If it was me though I would have just got a used one because really I find $100 to be crazy for just a set of 4 pull out drawers (it isn't like it is a full dresser with mirror, etc). I thought ikea was suppose to have good prices on stuff. It didn't seem that way.
Anyways, I decided to go with the first person. She started off looking at my palm and at first it seemed like she was hitting the nail on the wall. She said that I am the boss, but I am also stubborn and need to learn to be more flexible. I had to laugh at this because it is very true and I am the boss of everything from career wise to family and home wise. She said that I am healthy and that she feels a bit resistance with pulling back so that I have some baggage and need to learn to let it go.
She asked what I did for a living since a boss role would be best for me and I told her which seemed to run the rest of the reading. She said I was very intelligent. Which is true, but anyone could guess that from my profession, so I don't give her any points for that. She then asked about living situation and I said I live with my husband and dd. She was a bit surprised about this, and after coming home and looking on the internet I see I don't really have a marriage line (it is not on my palm, but side of hand) and there are no children lines. This makes me then question how accurate palm reading really is. She did say other things that hit the nail too though so who knows. She said I have been through a lot of suffering and hardness in my past which is very true, and that I don't hold anything back - what you see is what you get - which is also true.
She then used the tarot cards and most of the reading was pretty good but she did see that change was going to happen and then drew the death card. At first this worried me but then looking online afterwards I realize it only means change and a ending of a way of life and entering a new way of life. That is has more to do with symbolizism than actual physical death. However it still worried me with being pregnant. I assume that it probably means that my life is going to change because of the pregnancy and baby, but who knows. I kept quiet about the pregnancy and since I am so fat it is not noticable to strangers at all - they just think my belly is big because I am fat, not pregnant (I hate this stage because my belly is not normally this large, but strangers don't know that). I wanted to see if she would guess I was pregnant from the reading, but she never did. She related everything from the reading and cards to the business, so it makes me wonder about this woman's crediblity since the only things she really knew is what I told her. She did draw the high pristress card when the question was how others view me, which she was happy about - saying it is the highest card in the deck and that it means people see me as a geniune and good person and look up to me.
I never drew any reverse/negative cards, not sure if there were any in the deck or not since I didn't pay attention when I shuffled. So I am trying to not be concerned about the death card since it was upright and online it says that means positive change, just not sure why that card will come up and not a more appropriate pregnancy one like the Emperist.
Finally she said I was fearful in the past, but not anymore. This is true since my fears with this pregnancy has decreased recently, though they still totally haven't gone away.
After the reading we went to ikea, which later turned out to be a bad idea. I forgot it was Saturday so it was super packed and walking even a short distance is hard for me, let alone through the whole ikea store. I am interested in getting a pull out couch for guests and FIL if he doesn't leave soon (getting tired of having a mattress on our living room floor). MIL said ikea had ones that were in the 150-250 dollar range. Well this turned out to be totally accurate. Yes they had couches that became beds for that price, but they weren't pull out beds, they were futons. I don't really want a futon as our main living room seating place. I guess I am struck still waiting to find a used one one craig's list free section.
Then we needed to look for a dresser for the baby clothes. MIL offered to buy us the dresser. We found a nice pull out set of drawers that she will pick up once we find out the crib colors (her friend is selling her used crib and since dd destroyed her crib it will probably be best to get another one). It wasn't that cheap though $100, but if she wants to buy it I am not going to complain. If it was me though I would have just got a used one because really I find $100 to be crazy for just a set of 4 pull out drawers (it isn't like it is a full dresser with mirror, etc). I thought ikea was suppose to have good prices on stuff. It didn't seem that way.
Monday, October 15, 2012
18w5d
I had a pretty good ob appt today, except for the very long wait. It took 45 minutes to get into the back and another 45 minutes until I got to see the doctor. The more I go to this place the more I dispise it and wish my old ob was still working here. The place is way too busy, with too many patients (all of them are blacks - not being racists - just find it a weird observation - in fact in the room most things are only written in Spanish instead of English), and there seems to be a lack of communication between each other. When the doctor finally walked in he said I needed to have my blood drawn for the 2nd part of the integrated. I told him I already had it done 3 weeks ago. He then said he needed to wait for them to calculate a risk assessment and I said they already did and it was 1 in 110 and we had already saw a genetic counsellor and the risk was reduced after the anatomy scan.
Then when I was checking out at the door, a women was yelling the name "Sherry". Finally she comes to me and shows me a lab sheet with my name on it and said "Sherry". I said my name is Cheryl. She then says I forgot my lab sheet for the blood draw. I just looked at her and was like are you serious. I already did this weeks ago and told the doctor and he okayed it. This is just one example of how disorganized this place is. If I wasn't more knowledgable I would have been forced into doing 2 quad tests.
Now the good points of the appt. They gave me the flu shot when I immediately went back. Basically didn't ask if I wanted one or not, just are you allergic to eggs or latix? No, okay here is your flu shot. So at least I don't have to worry about flu complications, though I do wonder about getting vaccinated while pregnant. I know it is a stupid worry since 99% of pregnant women get the shot during flu season without problems, but I still worry especially since I never got it with last pregnancy because of the extreme shortage with H1N1 being that year as well.
The doctor immediately came in with the u/s machine, so didn't have to ask him to use the u/s instead of doppler. Of course because of the glare the only thing I really could see was the spine. He tries to point things out and I am just agree even though I can't see a darn thing with how the screen is positioned. BP is still good, which has had me worried since I had my first episode of seeing stars on Saturday night. Of course I don't know if this is a low or high bp side effect. They never told me my bp at the office today which I hate, same with the urine dip stick results - these are other things I dislike about this clinic. My weight is up to 234 which I am not happy about because that means I put on 6 lb in the last 4 weeks. Thank goodness though no one mentioned that as a concern.
I go back in 3 weeks which I am glad it is not 4, and he says that he will book an u/s then to check on growth so I am happy about these things. At least he is starting to take my concerns a bit more seriously now that I am getting half way through the 2nd trimester.
Then when I was checking out at the door, a women was yelling the name "Sherry". Finally she comes to me and shows me a lab sheet with my name on it and said "Sherry". I said my name is Cheryl. She then says I forgot my lab sheet for the blood draw. I just looked at her and was like are you serious. I already did this weeks ago and told the doctor and he okayed it. This is just one example of how disorganized this place is. If I wasn't more knowledgable I would have been forced into doing 2 quad tests.
Now the good points of the appt. They gave me the flu shot when I immediately went back. Basically didn't ask if I wanted one or not, just are you allergic to eggs or latix? No, okay here is your flu shot. So at least I don't have to worry about flu complications, though I do wonder about getting vaccinated while pregnant. I know it is a stupid worry since 99% of pregnant women get the shot during flu season without problems, but I still worry especially since I never got it with last pregnancy because of the extreme shortage with H1N1 being that year as well.
The doctor immediately came in with the u/s machine, so didn't have to ask him to use the u/s instead of doppler. Of course because of the glare the only thing I really could see was the spine. He tries to point things out and I am just agree even though I can't see a darn thing with how the screen is positioned. BP is still good, which has had me worried since I had my first episode of seeing stars on Saturday night. Of course I don't know if this is a low or high bp side effect. They never told me my bp at the office today which I hate, same with the urine dip stick results - these are other things I dislike about this clinic. My weight is up to 234 which I am not happy about because that means I put on 6 lb in the last 4 weeks. Thank goodness though no one mentioned that as a concern.
I go back in 3 weeks which I am glad it is not 4, and he says that he will book an u/s then to check on growth so I am happy about these things. At least he is starting to take my concerns a bit more seriously now that I am getting half way through the 2nd trimester.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
18w3d
I am starting to feel some distinct kicks finally, but they are few and far between. Most of the time I literally forget I am pregnant. I did outgrow another pair of pants though so I am taking that as a good sign that I am getting bigger and may be permanantly in maternity clothes in a few weeks.
Today we went garage sale shopping for the first time since 3 years ago when I was shopping with for the twins. The first house we went to was 30 miles away, but they had an ad on craig's list that they were selling girl clothes from newborn to 4T. So I thought great I can pick up stuff for dd and this baby. Well I ended up buying none of the clothes because they were greatly overpriced. They wanted $2-4 per item which I think is crazy at a garage sale. I did pick up a magnetic dress up doll for dd (for next Christmas since she is too young right now to play with it without losing the pieces) and a pack of 4oz bottle liners for a buck so it wasn't a total wasted trip. The second house we went to was only a few blocks from our place and we got a bunch of toys and books for very cheap (gotta love living in a low income area).
We were then on our way to a 3rd house when we passed by a big sale and decided to stop. We ended up getting a ton of stuff there. A high chair for at the inlaws (since they threw away the 3 I gave them when I was pregnant last time), a mattress for the toddler bed and a bunch of toys for dd. We spent $40 there and overall spend probably $55 for the morning. Not too bad and dd was very happy to have a bunch of new toys to play with - not like she needed anymore toys.
I realized another good thing about having a girl. Now we can go all out with getting girly things with no worry and having a house full of girl toys. We don't have to worry about buying any boys toys which should make things be cheaper in the long run since dd and the baby will be able to share stuff growing up.
It is also a good thing because I worried if it was a boy that then I would be struck comparing the child to ds. For the last 4.5 months of being pregnant I have done this a few times when thinking of the baby and then realizing it and having to stop myself. At least with another girl there won't be this constant wondering if this is what ds would have looked or acted like.
Of course, it is upsetting realizing I will never have a ds here on Earth to raise and this is something both me and dh will have to come to terms with. I feel okay about this right now, but not sure how I will feel later when it is for real finalized that there will be no more babies.
Today we went garage sale shopping for the first time since 3 years ago when I was shopping with for the twins. The first house we went to was 30 miles away, but they had an ad on craig's list that they were selling girl clothes from newborn to 4T. So I thought great I can pick up stuff for dd and this baby. Well I ended up buying none of the clothes because they were greatly overpriced. They wanted $2-4 per item which I think is crazy at a garage sale. I did pick up a magnetic dress up doll for dd (for next Christmas since she is too young right now to play with it without losing the pieces) and a pack of 4oz bottle liners for a buck so it wasn't a total wasted trip. The second house we went to was only a few blocks from our place and we got a bunch of toys and books for very cheap (gotta love living in a low income area).
We were then on our way to a 3rd house when we passed by a big sale and decided to stop. We ended up getting a ton of stuff there. A high chair for at the inlaws (since they threw away the 3 I gave them when I was pregnant last time), a mattress for the toddler bed and a bunch of toys for dd. We spent $40 there and overall spend probably $55 for the morning. Not too bad and dd was very happy to have a bunch of new toys to play with - not like she needed anymore toys.
I realized another good thing about having a girl. Now we can go all out with getting girly things with no worry and having a house full of girl toys. We don't have to worry about buying any boys toys which should make things be cheaper in the long run since dd and the baby will be able to share stuff growing up.
It is also a good thing because I worried if it was a boy that then I would be struck comparing the child to ds. For the last 4.5 months of being pregnant I have done this a few times when thinking of the baby and then realizing it and having to stop myself. At least with another girl there won't be this constant wondering if this is what ds would have looked or acted like.
Of course, it is upsetting realizing I will never have a ds here on Earth to raise and this is something both me and dh will have to come to terms with. I feel okay about this right now, but not sure how I will feel later when it is for real finalized that there will be no more babies.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
18 weeks
I now know why so many people refuse the genetic screening tests. So I have worried this whole past week because of an elevated AFP when my AFP wasn't high at all, in fact it was perfect at 0.99 MOM. The problem was the other blood values, especially papa-a that was only 0.38MOM that brought our downs risk to 1 in 110. So the doctor's office had everything wrong! First they told me at 15 weeks that the pappa-a was normal because I wasn't worried about it because of what happened last time, and then they tell me AFP is high which makes me think a neural tube defect, when none of this is true. Of course if they also would have told me the correct information on the phone that it was downs they were worried about I still would have freaked out because it is a higher risk than last pregnancy when I screened positive and looked what happened.
Anyways, I felt much better after finding this out this morning since at least with downs it isn't lethal like other trisomies or some neural tube defects.
The good news is everything looked perfect on the anatomy scan so our risk dropped to 1 in 220 which even though is still screen positive, I am pretty confident to say there is 0% chance this baby has any trisomy problem. Heck even with dd she showed hydronephrosis, this baby didn't even have that. Growth is also pretty good. It was measuring 2 days behind at 17w5d and estimated weight right now of 7oz. So the peri that we saw afterwards wasn't concerned at all, and no future u/s will be done unless my doctor who I will be seeing on Monday for my regular 4 week check up decides to do extra ones to check on growth, which I am hoping he will since I still do have the fear of iugr and pre-eclampsia happening again. At least the good news is if it does, it will be later than last time.
Also I was wrong about the sex. I was 85% sure the baby was a boy, but nope it is another girl - I even made her show me since I couldn't believe it and unfortunately the tv was broke in the room so we couldn't see hardly anything during the whole scan. I am glad that we got to know the sex though since I would hate to get this shock at birth after thinking for 9 months it was a boy, I can't imagine how tough that must be for people before u/s were routine.
Just so overjoyed that we can finally start to be happy and prepare for the baby over the next few months since before this point I couldn't be confident that things would be okay. I even finally came out on facebook which feels good because it was getting hard keeping quiet and not being able to get excited for the baby like other pregnant couples can.
Anyways, I felt much better after finding this out this morning since at least with downs it isn't lethal like other trisomies or some neural tube defects.
The good news is everything looked perfect on the anatomy scan so our risk dropped to 1 in 220 which even though is still screen positive, I am pretty confident to say there is 0% chance this baby has any trisomy problem. Heck even with dd she showed hydronephrosis, this baby didn't even have that. Growth is also pretty good. It was measuring 2 days behind at 17w5d and estimated weight right now of 7oz. So the peri that we saw afterwards wasn't concerned at all, and no future u/s will be done unless my doctor who I will be seeing on Monday for my regular 4 week check up decides to do extra ones to check on growth, which I am hoping he will since I still do have the fear of iugr and pre-eclampsia happening again. At least the good news is if it does, it will be later than last time.
Also I was wrong about the sex. I was 85% sure the baby was a boy, but nope it is another girl - I even made her show me since I couldn't believe it and unfortunately the tv was broke in the room so we couldn't see hardly anything during the whole scan. I am glad that we got to know the sex though since I would hate to get this shock at birth after thinking for 9 months it was a boy, I can't imagine how tough that must be for people before u/s were routine.
Just so overjoyed that we can finally start to be happy and prepare for the baby over the next few months since before this point I couldn't be confident that things would be okay. I even finally came out on facebook which feels good because it was getting hard keeping quiet and not being able to get excited for the baby like other pregnant couples can.
Monday, October 8, 2012
17w5d
So I have been trying to keep busy over the last few days because when I am home I spend too much time thinking and online researching things and getting even more scared about the scan on Wednesday.
I have come to 4 conclusions that can happen:
1. There is either a neural tube defect or abdominal wall defect. Most of these problems can be either diagnosised or ruled out with the scan, though there is still the possiblity of closed spinal bifidia.
2. The baby has a severe kidney disease that is fatal in the first year without a kidney transplant. The likelihood of this disease is extreme low though because it is an autosomal recessive trait meaning that both me and dh would have to be carriers and our child has 1/4 chance of having it. So not very likely that all those things are true. I guess it is most common in people of Finish decent which neither of us are, though I am 25% Swedish, but I don't think that means anything. I guess it is common in the Finnish because there isn't much defersity in the country. Unfortunately this condition can not be seen at all on u/s, only way is waiting until birth or through an amino and then special genetic testing looking for the mutated gene.
3. There is a placenta problem. This is the most likely out of the top 3, especially since I already had placenta issues big time last pregnancy, so was already high risk for iugr and pre-eclampsia.
If the scan is normal, hopefully this will force my doctor to take my concerns more seriously and watch things more closely - something they should already have been doing because of my last pregnancy.
4. The AFP was falsely elevated because of the bleeding and there is nothing wrong at all. This is the result I hope is true and the only thing I am trying to hold onto at the moment.
I do have some good news for a change. I have been taking my pressures every morning for the past 5 days and they have always been normal. Last pregnancy my 17 week appt was when I first started to get borderline bp issues. Also I have had no seeing stars issues either with this pregnancy so far. I can't remember when it started last pregnancy, but do know it was definately by 17 weeks that I had experienced this which was my very first clue something was up (after the bad NT bloodwork greatly increasing my downs risk). Hopefully this means if I am distended to get PE again it won't happen until later in pregnancy when I can at least safely deliver instead of living with severe PE for months until we got to a point where the baby could survive outside.
I have come to 4 conclusions that can happen:
1. There is either a neural tube defect or abdominal wall defect. Most of these problems can be either diagnosised or ruled out with the scan, though there is still the possiblity of closed spinal bifidia.
2. The baby has a severe kidney disease that is fatal in the first year without a kidney transplant. The likelihood of this disease is extreme low though because it is an autosomal recessive trait meaning that both me and dh would have to be carriers and our child has 1/4 chance of having it. So not very likely that all those things are true. I guess it is most common in people of Finish decent which neither of us are, though I am 25% Swedish, but I don't think that means anything. I guess it is common in the Finnish because there isn't much defersity in the country. Unfortunately this condition can not be seen at all on u/s, only way is waiting until birth or through an amino and then special genetic testing looking for the mutated gene.
3. There is a placenta problem. This is the most likely out of the top 3, especially since I already had placenta issues big time last pregnancy, so was already high risk for iugr and pre-eclampsia.
If the scan is normal, hopefully this will force my doctor to take my concerns more seriously and watch things more closely - something they should already have been doing because of my last pregnancy.
4. The AFP was falsely elevated because of the bleeding and there is nothing wrong at all. This is the result I hope is true and the only thing I am trying to hold onto at the moment.
I do have some good news for a change. I have been taking my pressures every morning for the past 5 days and they have always been normal. Last pregnancy my 17 week appt was when I first started to get borderline bp issues. Also I have had no seeing stars issues either with this pregnancy so far. I can't remember when it started last pregnancy, but do know it was definately by 17 weeks that I had experienced this which was my very first clue something was up (after the bad NT bloodwork greatly increasing my downs risk). Hopefully this means if I am distended to get PE again it won't happen until later in pregnancy when I can at least safely deliver instead of living with severe PE for months until we got to a point where the baby could survive outside.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
17 weeks
So I didn't get much sleep last night. I find it very cruel that they would call me yesterday saying we need to see a genetic counsellor, but then not tell me any numbers and that we would have to wait over a week to find out.
I was really upset last night when I went to bed that I would get pre-eclampsia and iugr again. I really don't want a repeat of last pregnancy. I can't take another stillbirth. I was really hoping this time would be different with not having twins and thinking that maybe it was just a fluke problem with ds's placenta since dd didn't have iugr. Anyways, if it is going to happen, I hope it isn't until 7-8 months like it normally comes instead of 4-5 months which happened last time.
I am still worried about neural tube defects though, but trying to tell myself it is unlikely since I have been on prenatals daily since 6 months before pregnancy and also many foods are also fortified too.
However, you can't ignore a concern that something may be wrong with the baby that can result in its death or a difficult life.
I had a nightmare last night that it was next Wednesday and we met with the doctor and he started saying what values were abnormal, but I couldn't really pay attention. He then asked if we wanted to see the baby and we said yes so we went to the u/s room, but then for some reason didn't do the u/s and went back into another room. I remember thinking it was strange that he wanted to do the u/s first when I was told it would be after meeting with the genetists and was worried that it meant he wanted to see the baby before getting the bad news. I then asked him straight out if he thought our baby had anencephalist and he said yes. I started bawling at this point because my nightmare had come true. Then the genetic counsellor came in with our folder with a black or dark green piece of paper on top and asked if the doctor if we were the couple with the tragic case. I guess the piece of colored paper was to signify that the baby was going to die so they would be more sympathetic. At this point is when I lost it. How dare they say our baby had anecephalogy and was going to die when they didn't even do an u/s. I immediately left. On my way home the doctor texted me saying all my blood values were either too high or too low by at least 200% and this brought him to that conclusion and then at the end of the text he talked about making a movie on my case and there was an attachment of movie poster about a woman who had a SCH and the baby ended up having anencephalogy. Well this extremely infuritated me and I immediately rushed back to the office and confronted the doctor (who was sitting by the door in the waiting room). I told him how dare he diagnosis anencephalogy without doing an u/s which is the only way you can see structral problems and how dare he make a movie about me (I said this very loud so everyone in the waiting room could hear me). I then told him to take me back and do an u/s so we can know for sure. Then I thought for a moment and realized I didn't want him doing the u/s, so I asked the receptionist/nurses if they can find me a different tech and they said yes. Then I thought even more and said I want a different doctor. Which they responded no problem and then gave my doctor firing papers on the spot. This was the best part of the whole dream getting the satisification that I got that doctor fired after the way he treated me. After this I woke up, so never really got to find out what the u/s showed.
I was really upset last night when I went to bed that I would get pre-eclampsia and iugr again. I really don't want a repeat of last pregnancy. I can't take another stillbirth. I was really hoping this time would be different with not having twins and thinking that maybe it was just a fluke problem with ds's placenta since dd didn't have iugr. Anyways, if it is going to happen, I hope it isn't until 7-8 months like it normally comes instead of 4-5 months which happened last time.
I am still worried about neural tube defects though, but trying to tell myself it is unlikely since I have been on prenatals daily since 6 months before pregnancy and also many foods are also fortified too.
However, you can't ignore a concern that something may be wrong with the baby that can result in its death or a difficult life.
I had a nightmare last night that it was next Wednesday and we met with the doctor and he started saying what values were abnormal, but I couldn't really pay attention. He then asked if we wanted to see the baby and we said yes so we went to the u/s room, but then for some reason didn't do the u/s and went back into another room. I remember thinking it was strange that he wanted to do the u/s first when I was told it would be after meeting with the genetists and was worried that it meant he wanted to see the baby before getting the bad news. I then asked him straight out if he thought our baby had anencephalist and he said yes. I started bawling at this point because my nightmare had come true. Then the genetic counsellor came in with our folder with a black or dark green piece of paper on top and asked if the doctor if we were the couple with the tragic case. I guess the piece of colored paper was to signify that the baby was going to die so they would be more sympathetic. At this point is when I lost it. How dare they say our baby had anecephalogy and was going to die when they didn't even do an u/s. I immediately left. On my way home the doctor texted me saying all my blood values were either too high or too low by at least 200% and this brought him to that conclusion and then at the end of the text he talked about making a movie on my case and there was an attachment of movie poster about a woman who had a SCH and the baby ended up having anencephalogy. Well this extremely infuritated me and I immediately rushed back to the office and confronted the doctor (who was sitting by the door in the waiting room). I told him how dare he diagnosis anencephalogy without doing an u/s which is the only way you can see structral problems and how dare he make a movie about me (I said this very loud so everyone in the waiting room could hear me). I then told him to take me back and do an u/s so we can know for sure. Then I thought for a moment and realized I didn't want him doing the u/s, so I asked the receptionist/nurses if they can find me a different tech and they said yes. Then I thought even more and said I want a different doctor. Which they responded no problem and then gave my doctor firing papers on the spot. This was the best part of the whole dream getting the satisification that I got that doctor fired after the way he treated me. After this I woke up, so never really got to find out what the u/s showed.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
16w6d
I got good and bad news today.
First the good news. We finally got our letter from cps saying that "the department has determined that further provisions of services is not necessary at this time". It said other stuff, but this was basically the main point. I am happy the case is now officially closed, but still feels a bit anticlimatic with theway they word the letter. The could have at least said that the accusations were unfounded and we are sorry we bothered you, but nope. Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about cps for the time being until something else happens - dd falls and someone is phone crazy again, or when dd is older and can talk and says stuff that can be interrupted wrong or as a teen and is mad and to get back decides to make up lies of abuse. Ya, this whole experience has shown me how scary things are until my children reach 18 when they no longer can be under cps's power.
Now the bad news. The doctor office called this morning saying they need to talk to me about some appointments. I finally got ahold of the woman at 1pm and she tells me that the AFP from the bloodwork I had done last week came back elevated so now we have to see a genetic counsellor before the anatomy scan next week. So now I am extremely upset and worried because I don't want history to repeat itself. I looked up on google what elevated AFP means and it is related to spinal bifidia, anencephaly, and abdomenal wall problems. So now I am even more worried. I did find many women who had SCH getting false positives on the test so I am really hoping that is the reason why the number is high. Of course she wouldn't tell me how high it is, or what any of the other numbers and values are saying we have to wait until next Wednesday when we see the genetic counsellor because only they have the number results. I also found some mention about elevated AFP being related to iugr and future pre-eclampsia so now I have that added worry. Though it is better than something being wrong with the baby, I do not want another pregnancy of placenta problems and I am already high risk for iugr and pre-eclampsia.
I told the woman on the phone about how ds had severe iugr and died at 21 weeks because of placenta failure. She then said I am going there because I am high risk and asked why I am high risk from last pregnancy. I thought huh? I then said how I developed pre-eclampsia afterwards and she then understood why I was high risk. But why do people like to brush off the placenta failing at the end of the first trimester and only consider the PE as making me high risk. Don't you think being diagnosised with severe iugr at 18 weeks is high risk and is the reason behind me developing PE a month and a half later?
Anyways, now I have even more worries for the upcoming anatomy scan. Not only do I have to worry about the baby's growth, but now also that there may be a spine, brain, or abdominal problem
:( Why can't I ever have anything go easy.
First the good news. We finally got our letter from cps saying that "the department has determined that further provisions of services is not necessary at this time". It said other stuff, but this was basically the main point. I am happy the case is now officially closed, but still feels a bit anticlimatic with theway they word the letter. The could have at least said that the accusations were unfounded and we are sorry we bothered you, but nope. Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about cps for the time being until something else happens - dd falls and someone is phone crazy again, or when dd is older and can talk and says stuff that can be interrupted wrong or as a teen and is mad and to get back decides to make up lies of abuse. Ya, this whole experience has shown me how scary things are until my children reach 18 when they no longer can be under cps's power.
Now the bad news. The doctor office called this morning saying they need to talk to me about some appointments. I finally got ahold of the woman at 1pm and she tells me that the AFP from the bloodwork I had done last week came back elevated so now we have to see a genetic counsellor before the anatomy scan next week. So now I am extremely upset and worried because I don't want history to repeat itself. I looked up on google what elevated AFP means and it is related to spinal bifidia, anencephaly, and abdomenal wall problems. So now I am even more worried. I did find many women who had SCH getting false positives on the test so I am really hoping that is the reason why the number is high. Of course she wouldn't tell me how high it is, or what any of the other numbers and values are saying we have to wait until next Wednesday when we see the genetic counsellor because only they have the number results. I also found some mention about elevated AFP being related to iugr and future pre-eclampsia so now I have that added worry. Though it is better than something being wrong with the baby, I do not want another pregnancy of placenta problems and I am already high risk for iugr and pre-eclampsia.
I told the woman on the phone about how ds had severe iugr and died at 21 weeks because of placenta failure. She then said I am going there because I am high risk and asked why I am high risk from last pregnancy. I thought huh? I then said how I developed pre-eclampsia afterwards and she then understood why I was high risk. But why do people like to brush off the placenta failing at the end of the first trimester and only consider the PE as making me high risk. Don't you think being diagnosised with severe iugr at 18 weeks is high risk and is the reason behind me developing PE a month and a half later?
Anyways, now I have even more worries for the upcoming anatomy scan. Not only do I have to worry about the baby's growth, but now also that there may be a spine, brain, or abdominal problem
:( Why can't I ever have anything go easy.
Friday, September 28, 2012
16w2d
So I have been off progesterone now for almost a week and haven't spotted for almost 2 weeks now. I really hope this means the SCH is gone for good and the rest of the pregnancy will be clear sailing. I still haven't felt distinct movements yet, though have been feeling things that could be movement for about a week now, but don't want to say anything until it feels more like kicks instead of flutters.
Today I decided to go grocery shopping again with dh instead of sending him alone like I have had to do for the last 5 weeks. It was tiring, but at least I got to pick out everything I want. I have been trying to keep the amount we buy though to a min though until the food money gets approved. I sent all the paper work on Tuesday so hopefully it won't be too much longer.
On other news, dh's background check came back good to do his work in the school so we are pleased because we were worried that the dismissed charge from 2 years ago was going to prevent him from completing his course. He still has to get the record sealed though so when he starts student teaching next year there won't be a problem.
Still haven't received the info from the school board about dd's EI transition. I asked her therapist on Thursday and she said to give it until Tuesday because she did send it in. She then said that they usually like to wait until closer to 3 to do the testing, which I told her isn't really going to possible with me being due right around dd's birthday. I really want to get this preschool stuff all set by the end of the year, so she said to try and see if they can do that. Unfortunately she is due in 2 months so not sure how much longer she will be working and able to help us with this transition process.
Also still no call from cps. They said they would call Tuesday and it is Friday. I guess they don't see the need to call to say the case is closed. It does make me wonder about the way cps is run though. At first they were so anxious to get ahold of us, and now they won't even call even days after they said that we would hear from them.
When we were at the grocery store today there was a older woman there with a newborn (she said the baby was born September 11). She took it out of the infant seat and the grocery staff were holding the baby and fussing over it. Found out that the baby was a foster child. Anyways, I was so sickened with this scene. For one, taking a 2 week old baby to a grocery store shouldn't be done, and then even taking the baby out of its seat and passing it around to the grocery staff to see. I wouldn't ever do this, and it upsets me that this woman who is suppose to be protecting this baby is doing this. If I was this baby's mother and found out a foster woman had my newborn out and being passed around in a grocery store I would be pissed. It is one thing to run to the store with a newborn that you have wrapped around you or close the canopy, and another to be holding it up and passing it around, plus being a foster baby it isn't even like this baby was getting immunity from breastfeeding. I know that most people would be mad at the bio mom for losing her baby, but I'm not since you don't always know the bio mom's story of why her baby got taken. The baby didn't look like a drug baby, so I am guessing that the mom either lost her parental rights with a previous kid or something like that.
Anyways, the scene just left a very bad taste in my mouth.
Today I decided to go grocery shopping again with dh instead of sending him alone like I have had to do for the last 5 weeks. It was tiring, but at least I got to pick out everything I want. I have been trying to keep the amount we buy though to a min though until the food money gets approved. I sent all the paper work on Tuesday so hopefully it won't be too much longer.
On other news, dh's background check came back good to do his work in the school so we are pleased because we were worried that the dismissed charge from 2 years ago was going to prevent him from completing his course. He still has to get the record sealed though so when he starts student teaching next year there won't be a problem.
Still haven't received the info from the school board about dd's EI transition. I asked her therapist on Thursday and she said to give it until Tuesday because she did send it in. She then said that they usually like to wait until closer to 3 to do the testing, which I told her isn't really going to possible with me being due right around dd's birthday. I really want to get this preschool stuff all set by the end of the year, so she said to try and see if they can do that. Unfortunately she is due in 2 months so not sure how much longer she will be working and able to help us with this transition process.
Also still no call from cps. They said they would call Tuesday and it is Friday. I guess they don't see the need to call to say the case is closed. It does make me wonder about the way cps is run though. At first they were so anxious to get ahold of us, and now they won't even call even days after they said that we would hear from them.
When we were at the grocery store today there was a older woman there with a newborn (she said the baby was born September 11). She took it out of the infant seat and the grocery staff were holding the baby and fussing over it. Found out that the baby was a foster child. Anyways, I was so sickened with this scene. For one, taking a 2 week old baby to a grocery store shouldn't be done, and then even taking the baby out of its seat and passing it around to the grocery staff to see. I wouldn't ever do this, and it upsets me that this woman who is suppose to be protecting this baby is doing this. If I was this baby's mother and found out a foster woman had my newborn out and being passed around in a grocery store I would be pissed. It is one thing to run to the store with a newborn that you have wrapped around you or close the canopy, and another to be holding it up and passing it around, plus being a foster baby it isn't even like this baby was getting immunity from breastfeeding. I know that most people would be mad at the bio mom for losing her baby, but I'm not since you don't always know the bio mom's story of why her baby got taken. The baby didn't look like a drug baby, so I am guessing that the mom either lost her parental rights with a previous kid or something like that.
Anyways, the scene just left a very bad taste in my mouth.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
15w4d
Today is my first day off progesterone again. I still have 2 applications left but decided to hold off on it since I haven't spotted in a week now and incase I do need to start it again at least I will have a couple to get me through the first few days.
Other news is I think I am definately feeling movement tonight. Of course it may be another week or so until I fully believe it.
Other news is I think I am definately feeling movement tonight. Of course it may be another week or so until I fully believe it.
Friday, September 21, 2012
15w2d
So far it has been 5 days now of no spotting. I really hope this means the SCH is gone for good. Of course I still plan to take it easy for the next week and likely will be on pelvic rest and restricted lifting for the remaining 25 weeks.
I really can't wait until I can start feeling movement. Last night I thought I was finally feeling flutters, but it is hard to say. Since I felt kicks so much from 8-10 weeks when I knew was impossible to feel anything, same with for months after birth, it has made me wonder if what I feel is real or not.
CPS can for their visit again today. DH showed them the house again and we had dh's parents here for support. The woman said that since the concern of the messy house seems to have been taken care of very likely the case will be closed, but she needs to submit it to her supervisor first and we will hear from her on Tuesday. So it looks good that this nightmare will hopefully be over. I really hope so because we have enough stress in our lives right now and don't need the added stress of cps there too.
I really can't wait until I can start feeling movement. Last night I thought I was finally feeling flutters, but it is hard to say. Since I felt kicks so much from 8-10 weeks when I knew was impossible to feel anything, same with for months after birth, it has made me wonder if what I feel is real or not.
CPS can for their visit again today. DH showed them the house again and we had dh's parents here for support. The woman said that since the concern of the messy house seems to have been taken care of very likely the case will be closed, but she needs to submit it to her supervisor first and we will hear from her on Tuesday. So it looks good that this nightmare will hopefully be over. I really hope so because we have enough stress in our lives right now and don't need the added stress of cps there too.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
15 weeks
I have been very busy the last few days so couldn't update, so this will be a brief overview of half my week so far.
Monday - had my ob appt at 9. It went better than the other times. I immediately told the doctor about how the spotting just ended the day before and how I started on the progesterone again because of the cramping. He was fine with me being on the progesterone and immediately brought in the u/s machine to have a look because of the ongoing spotting. It was still hard to see the screen because of the glare, but got to see the head, spine, and heartbeat sort of. He saw the placenta and said it looked good and attached and no sign of any bleeding. I wish he would measure the baby, but I guess I just have to wait for the 3 weeks for the anatomy scan for that. I asked about the bloodwork from the NT scan, he said he doesn't get anything until after the 2nd tri screen and all he had was the NT measurement which we knew. I told him how I really was worried about the bloodwork since that is what was bad last time and looking back it was the first sign there was something wrong with the placenta. He then said that if the pap-a was abnormal that he usually gets a call and he never got a call so that helped ease my fears a lot that history will not repeat itself and that this baby's placenta will be good and we won't have growth problems like last time. I don't know what my bp was since they never tell me but assume it was normal since he never mentioned it. I am also up 1.5 lb from my prepregnancy weight of 226 which is great. I don't go back for another 4 weeks, but at least get to have the anatomy scan done in 3 weeks which is more important.
Monday afternoon I had to cancel dd's therapies so we could see a lawyer about this cps case. The lawyer did ease my fears by saying since the letter called it an "initial assessment" instead of an "investigation" that it is lower risk and the chance of them taking dd and this baby is very low.
His fees also weren't too bad, however we would have to pay an extra 3 hours for travel time because he lived 1.5 hours away. Anyways, we decided to forgo hiring him at this stage since we are hoping that the case will be closed since we have kept the place spotless and dd is well taken care of. If they decide to take the next step and open it up for a full assessment then I think we may hire him since those interviews are way more intense and involve a ton of personal questions. He expects Friday visit will only be a 10-15 min interview about their concerns and what we have done to improve things.
Tuesday - I took dd back to the library again in the morning for Mother Goose. Because of appts and the bleeding she hasn't been able to go to the library most of the summer. Unfortunately dd is horrible now when we enter and leave the library because she sees the playground at the school beside it and she wants to go there and I can't let her with being on restriction because of the SCH. I did ask FIL if he could come to the library when we go next Wednesday, that way he can help with her playing at the playground.
Wednesday - We had to go to court this morning for a payment review with our old landlord. We sat there for 2 hours until their lawyer called us and then told us that we never even had to go there today that since we have been paying every month all we needed to do was call his office a few days ago and have it continued until December. I was thanks for telling us this now and you really could have told us this an hour ago after the clerk went through the rollcall of all the cases for today. So now we have to call just before December 12 to get it postponed again which I hate. We aren't going to have money for 2 years until dh graduates so don't see the point of calling every 3 months for 2 years until our financial situation changes and by then we will just pay the whole bill in full. Still pissed that we even have this judgement against us since they broke the law charging us for wear and tear after 7.5 years, however since they have a big shot lawyer and we couldn't afford anyone the odds of winning were basically nil from the get go and then even when I tried to appeal their lawyer threatened us saying we would have to pay his bill if we went through with the trial so we had no choice but to pull the appeal.
I am currently at the stage today where ds growth stopped. I am not sure how long he did grow for, but he never grew past 15 week in size and between 18 and his death at 21 weeks there was no growth at all, not even one day. So this point in pregnancy marks a major step for me. Now just need to get through the next 3 weeks until the anatomy scan and pray this baby is continuously growing and is healthy. If we get a good scan in 3 weeks only then will I feel so much more better and more like that we will have a baby at the end of this winter.
I haven't spotted now for 4 days. I am hoping that this means the SCH is gone for good, but not trying to get too excited since I thought that before and went 3 weeks without spotting only to end up with a big bleed. Anyways, I have stopped wearing pads which feels great.
Monday - had my ob appt at 9. It went better than the other times. I immediately told the doctor about how the spotting just ended the day before and how I started on the progesterone again because of the cramping. He was fine with me being on the progesterone and immediately brought in the u/s machine to have a look because of the ongoing spotting. It was still hard to see the screen because of the glare, but got to see the head, spine, and heartbeat sort of. He saw the placenta and said it looked good and attached and no sign of any bleeding. I wish he would measure the baby, but I guess I just have to wait for the 3 weeks for the anatomy scan for that. I asked about the bloodwork from the NT scan, he said he doesn't get anything until after the 2nd tri screen and all he had was the NT measurement which we knew. I told him how I really was worried about the bloodwork since that is what was bad last time and looking back it was the first sign there was something wrong with the placenta. He then said that if the pap-a was abnormal that he usually gets a call and he never got a call so that helped ease my fears a lot that history will not repeat itself and that this baby's placenta will be good and we won't have growth problems like last time. I don't know what my bp was since they never tell me but assume it was normal since he never mentioned it. I am also up 1.5 lb from my prepregnancy weight of 226 which is great. I don't go back for another 4 weeks, but at least get to have the anatomy scan done in 3 weeks which is more important.
Monday afternoon I had to cancel dd's therapies so we could see a lawyer about this cps case. The lawyer did ease my fears by saying since the letter called it an "initial assessment" instead of an "investigation" that it is lower risk and the chance of them taking dd and this baby is very low.
His fees also weren't too bad, however we would have to pay an extra 3 hours for travel time because he lived 1.5 hours away. Anyways, we decided to forgo hiring him at this stage since we are hoping that the case will be closed since we have kept the place spotless and dd is well taken care of. If they decide to take the next step and open it up for a full assessment then I think we may hire him since those interviews are way more intense and involve a ton of personal questions. He expects Friday visit will only be a 10-15 min interview about their concerns and what we have done to improve things.
Tuesday - I took dd back to the library again in the morning for Mother Goose. Because of appts and the bleeding she hasn't been able to go to the library most of the summer. Unfortunately dd is horrible now when we enter and leave the library because she sees the playground at the school beside it and she wants to go there and I can't let her with being on restriction because of the SCH. I did ask FIL if he could come to the library when we go next Wednesday, that way he can help with her playing at the playground.
Wednesday - We had to go to court this morning for a payment review with our old landlord. We sat there for 2 hours until their lawyer called us and then told us that we never even had to go there today that since we have been paying every month all we needed to do was call his office a few days ago and have it continued until December. I was thanks for telling us this now and you really could have told us this an hour ago after the clerk went through the rollcall of all the cases for today. So now we have to call just before December 12 to get it postponed again which I hate. We aren't going to have money for 2 years until dh graduates so don't see the point of calling every 3 months for 2 years until our financial situation changes and by then we will just pay the whole bill in full. Still pissed that we even have this judgement against us since they broke the law charging us for wear and tear after 7.5 years, however since they have a big shot lawyer and we couldn't afford anyone the odds of winning were basically nil from the get go and then even when I tried to appeal their lawyer threatened us saying we would have to pay his bill if we went through with the trial so we had no choice but to pull the appeal.
I am currently at the stage today where ds growth stopped. I am not sure how long he did grow for, but he never grew past 15 week in size and between 18 and his death at 21 weeks there was no growth at all, not even one day. So this point in pregnancy marks a major step for me. Now just need to get through the next 3 weeks until the anatomy scan and pray this baby is continuously growing and is healthy. If we get a good scan in 3 weeks only then will I feel so much more better and more like that we will have a baby at the end of this winter.
I haven't spotted now for 4 days. I am hoping that this means the SCH is gone for good, but not trying to get too excited since I thought that before and went 3 weeks without spotting only to end up with a big bleed. Anyways, I have stopped wearing pads which feels great.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
14w3d
It has been a very busy week working and then adding in this cps investigation my time has been extremely limited. I go to the doctors again on Monday and praying that I can get him to agree to an u/s between now and Oct 10 to look at and measure the SCH. I am spotting brown every day, but not very much and many times I have no spotting so I pray that this means the SCH will be totally gone. I have another week and few days of crinone. Pray that I won't start cramping when I stop it for the third time. Luckily I haven't had any cramping since 12 hours after starting the crinone last week so I know the crinone at least keeps that at bay.
I listen to the baby every night before bed. I am so grateful for this because it really is my only sign right now that I am pregnant since I still fit into all my prepregnancy clothes and can't feel any movement yet. I can usually find the heartbeat within a couple seconds, though last night it took 25 minutes because the baby was so low. I was really starting to get worried why I wasn't hearing it. This same thing happened a week ago too, not sure why the baby likes to go very low like that but it is very nerve racking.
I had my pregnancy loss group meeting on Thursday night. There was a new woman there that just had a 36 week loss 2 months ago so we all had to say our story again. I did tell the group at this time that I am pregnant. I hate having to break the news like this. I know it wouldn't upset the others because they have all had kids since there losses, except for one, but I don't think I could keep it from them anymore and lie about it since they would have found out in a few months anyhow. It is just hard because I don't want to make anyone upset or uncomfortable especially this girl who is just new in her grief. I must say though that sitting through everyone's stories again even though I have heard them many times I found especially hard because all the women there except one who had an infant loss had losses at 35-38 weeks. It was so hard being pregnant and trying not to worry and hear their stories about how they weren't feeling much movement or went to the doctor and couldn't find a hb with doppler and then having to have an u/s to confirm their baby who was just alive the day or two before is now dead. One woman actually lost her child after just taking a nap. She had a normal NST that morning, went home took a nap, still wasn't feeling movement when she woke up so went back in and now her baby was dead. It just goes to show you there is no safe period with pregnancy and in any second your child can be taken from you.
As for the cps thing, they came on Thursday and I had dh show them our spotless house, but we stopped the meeting since they refused for me to record it. We are seeing an attorney on Monday to protect our's and dd's rights and can hopefully put a stop to all this. I have gone through too much to have dd and also this pregnancy to have them both taken because of a stupid call made by some girl who was only in our house for 10 minutes and doesn't know us or our history.
I listen to the baby every night before bed. I am so grateful for this because it really is my only sign right now that I am pregnant since I still fit into all my prepregnancy clothes and can't feel any movement yet. I can usually find the heartbeat within a couple seconds, though last night it took 25 minutes because the baby was so low. I was really starting to get worried why I wasn't hearing it. This same thing happened a week ago too, not sure why the baby likes to go very low like that but it is very nerve racking.
I had my pregnancy loss group meeting on Thursday night. There was a new woman there that just had a 36 week loss 2 months ago so we all had to say our story again. I did tell the group at this time that I am pregnant. I hate having to break the news like this. I know it wouldn't upset the others because they have all had kids since there losses, except for one, but I don't think I could keep it from them anymore and lie about it since they would have found out in a few months anyhow. It is just hard because I don't want to make anyone upset or uncomfortable especially this girl who is just new in her grief. I must say though that sitting through everyone's stories again even though I have heard them many times I found especially hard because all the women there except one who had an infant loss had losses at 35-38 weeks. It was so hard being pregnant and trying not to worry and hear their stories about how they weren't feeling much movement or went to the doctor and couldn't find a hb with doppler and then having to have an u/s to confirm their baby who was just alive the day or two before is now dead. One woman actually lost her child after just taking a nap. She had a normal NST that morning, went home took a nap, still wasn't feeling movement when she woke up so went back in and now her baby was dead. It just goes to show you there is no safe period with pregnancy and in any second your child can be taken from you.
As for the cps thing, they came on Thursday and I had dh show them our spotless house, but we stopped the meeting since they refused for me to record it. We are seeing an attorney on Monday to protect our's and dd's rights and can hopefully put a stop to all this. I have gone through too much to have dd and also this pregnancy to have them both taken because of a stupid call made by some girl who was only in our house for 10 minutes and doesn't know us or our history.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
13w3d
I have now been dealing with this SCH for 8 weeks. Tuesday was my last day of the crinone and I started cramping Thursday night with the spotting turning red. By Friday the red spotting turned to a brown full on bleed. I know brown is better than red, but worried that the bleeding had gotten heavier again and I was still cramping pretty bad so I called the doctor to find out what to do. The nurse told me to go to triage. I asked if I can go to the hospital down the street from me or if I need to go to W&I and they said they prefer that I go to their hospital so off to Providence I went. Luckily I got right in, I guess W&I ER is more like labour and delivery floor. As I sat in the bed waiting for them to treat me, I had to listen to the NST going in the other room. The constant sound of galloping horses (known as the fetal heart beat) was starting to drive me crazy. I was immediately brought back to 30 months ago when I was in the hospital on bedrest for 2 weeks and having NST 3 times a day for an hour each time. I couldn't believe how much post traumatic stress I still hold from that experience and listening to this other woman's baby's heartbeating away brought it all back.
I would sometime lose my thought and imagine that is my baby I am listening too, then I have to remind myself it isn't. I can't wait until I get further into this pregnancy and can finally start feeling this baby. Right now it is not like I am even pregnant since I can still fit in my regular clothes and besides a few mild symptoms I feel like a normal unpregnant person. In fact I think if it wasn't for the ivf and knowing my cycle I could easily think I am just dealing with a horrible weird period since I have been bleeding so much over the last 13 weeks.
I was so hoping they would measure the SCH but all they did was a cervical check to make sure it is closed (not fun and I really think unnecessary since I know it would be closed since I wasn't m/c but dealing with a SCH). Then they did a vaginal u/s using a portable machine so they couldn't see things very great (the doctor made the comment about the machine being grainy). I was pretty annoyed about having a vaginal u/s at over 13 weeks and the fact that I was bleeding and shouldn't have anything unnecessary put in my vagina. The doctor was young (likely just finished her residency) and was with another young doctor (probably a resident). Seriously it felt like I was having 2 students work on me. Anyways the doctor then says she can't see any SCH so I left not knowing what to believe. Either this woman is blind or my SCH is too small to see which I can't believe with how much I have bled and spotted for so long.
So I get sent home with not really any new news. Baby is alive so they were happy. I don't know what to do. After I got home the bleeding had slowed down to spotting again. Then last night it turned red again for a brief time and then today back to brown and I was still cramping on and off so I went back on crinone and called the pharmacy to have another 2 week supply sent on Monday. This should bring me until 16 weeks almost and I am going to ask my doctor at the next appt if I can start the progesterone shots after this. I know that they only do it for woman who have had preterm labour so not sure if he will agree since I had 0 labour signs last pregnancy and the pregnancy only ended at 31 weeks because the doctors made it by doing a c-section. However I don't know maybe this pregnancy is different and I will end up with preterm labour because of this lingering SCH.
Anyways, I have been under a lot of stress lately because of events that have happened this week which haven't helped and I do blame on my bleeding getting worse. On Monday my dd got a scratch on her face from a door falling. It was only a bit swollen and red on Monday. Tuesday there was a bruise. I took her to school that afternoon and told her teachers. I was scared what they would think, but they were very understanding. I was also out all day Tuesday dealing with my car and running other errands. Then on Wednesday we had the NT scan again. Came home just in time to eat lunch and then we had a girl come that afternoon to interview for a babysitting job. I had posted 2 ads on care.com last week. One for a babysitter and one for a housekeeper since I am on restricted activity and can't do any housework. Anyways everything seemed okay when the girl was here. We spent 20 min talking and showing her the house. The next day my inlaws came over because we needed to pick up the bed we brought last Sunday. While dh and FIL did that MIL helped clean up the place. Then at 3 just before we were about to leave the door knocked. I assumed it was probably ups or fedex since I had to place a few orders in the last few days. Instead it was a social worker from children services. Appartently that girl that came to interview for the babysitting job the day before called child services on us because of dd's bruise and our place being messy. The woman wanted to look around and since we had nothing to hide I let her in thinking this will put an end to this stupid claim. The only thing messy about our place were some toys on the floor (most were picked up that morning so it wasn't that bad), dishes in kitchen from the last couple of days since we have been too busy to do them, dd had wiped off her sheets when she was down for her nap a few minutes before, and there were some of her clothes lying on the floor in her room - they were clean clothes that she pulled out of the drawer and I haven't had time to put back). They also didn't like that there is a mattress in the living room. I told her that FIL is here temporary until the end of the month and that is where he is sleeping (guess they thought dd was sleeping there). I told the social worker I had been on bedrest for 7 weeks and was looking for a housekeeper. I really didn't think given being on bedrest for so long that our place looked that bad with a toddler that can destroy a room in 5 minutes. I had hoped the case would be dropped there, but I guess not. The woman said that they have services to help us. I asked if they can help us find a housekeeper and they said no but they have other services to help. After looking online I found out what these so called services are (parenting classes, mental health evaluations, victim classes and drug and alcohol support). So yesterday when I was leaving the hospital a case worker called and I have to call her back to set up a time to meet us. I am at least glad we get to scheduled a time instead of them popping in unannounced, but still really pissed and upset with this whole experience. I already have enough complications with this pregnancy I don't need the added stress of a child services investigation as well when the last thing we would ever do is abuse or neglect our child that we worked so hard to have and I am so pissed that someone who doesn't know us and was only here for 20 minutes could potentially ruin our lives like this because of jumping to conclusions over my dd's bruise and our place needing a little cleaning which I was trying to look for someone to help. I had also told that girl all this when she first came on Wednesday, but guess me telling her these things didn't make her understand since she must have called the minute she left and got home. I am also upset that this is taking up their resources when they could be using it on investigating real child abuses and kids that need help. Heck I live in a very poor city and I could bet that 40% of the parents here are drug addicts (I know the obgyn clinic here is loaded with druggie pregnant women since my old obgyn used to work down here and couldn't stand it since the women wouldn't stop taking heroin or crack to help their growing baby inside them). No instead of investigating these parents they are going after me and dh who do everything for our child and I take her all over the state every week for her therapies and doctor appts to help her since EI can only offer her 4.5 hours a week. I guess this is why children end up dying in abused homes because cps is too busy going after families that have some toys and clothes on the floor and a few days of dirty dishes in the kitchen.
I would sometime lose my thought and imagine that is my baby I am listening too, then I have to remind myself it isn't. I can't wait until I get further into this pregnancy and can finally start feeling this baby. Right now it is not like I am even pregnant since I can still fit in my regular clothes and besides a few mild symptoms I feel like a normal unpregnant person. In fact I think if it wasn't for the ivf and knowing my cycle I could easily think I am just dealing with a horrible weird period since I have been bleeding so much over the last 13 weeks.
I was so hoping they would measure the SCH but all they did was a cervical check to make sure it is closed (not fun and I really think unnecessary since I know it would be closed since I wasn't m/c but dealing with a SCH). Then they did a vaginal u/s using a portable machine so they couldn't see things very great (the doctor made the comment about the machine being grainy). I was pretty annoyed about having a vaginal u/s at over 13 weeks and the fact that I was bleeding and shouldn't have anything unnecessary put in my vagina. The doctor was young (likely just finished her residency) and was with another young doctor (probably a resident). Seriously it felt like I was having 2 students work on me. Anyways the doctor then says she can't see any SCH so I left not knowing what to believe. Either this woman is blind or my SCH is too small to see which I can't believe with how much I have bled and spotted for so long.
So I get sent home with not really any new news. Baby is alive so they were happy. I don't know what to do. After I got home the bleeding had slowed down to spotting again. Then last night it turned red again for a brief time and then today back to brown and I was still cramping on and off so I went back on crinone and called the pharmacy to have another 2 week supply sent on Monday. This should bring me until 16 weeks almost and I am going to ask my doctor at the next appt if I can start the progesterone shots after this. I know that they only do it for woman who have had preterm labour so not sure if he will agree since I had 0 labour signs last pregnancy and the pregnancy only ended at 31 weeks because the doctors made it by doing a c-section. However I don't know maybe this pregnancy is different and I will end up with preterm labour because of this lingering SCH.
Anyways, I have been under a lot of stress lately because of events that have happened this week which haven't helped and I do blame on my bleeding getting worse. On Monday my dd got a scratch on her face from a door falling. It was only a bit swollen and red on Monday. Tuesday there was a bruise. I took her to school that afternoon and told her teachers. I was scared what they would think, but they were very understanding. I was also out all day Tuesday dealing with my car and running other errands. Then on Wednesday we had the NT scan again. Came home just in time to eat lunch and then we had a girl come that afternoon to interview for a babysitting job. I had posted 2 ads on care.com last week. One for a babysitter and one for a housekeeper since I am on restricted activity and can't do any housework. Anyways everything seemed okay when the girl was here. We spent 20 min talking and showing her the house. The next day my inlaws came over because we needed to pick up the bed we brought last Sunday. While dh and FIL did that MIL helped clean up the place. Then at 3 just before we were about to leave the door knocked. I assumed it was probably ups or fedex since I had to place a few orders in the last few days. Instead it was a social worker from children services. Appartently that girl that came to interview for the babysitting job the day before called child services on us because of dd's bruise and our place being messy. The woman wanted to look around and since we had nothing to hide I let her in thinking this will put an end to this stupid claim. The only thing messy about our place were some toys on the floor (most were picked up that morning so it wasn't that bad), dishes in kitchen from the last couple of days since we have been too busy to do them, dd had wiped off her sheets when she was down for her nap a few minutes before, and there were some of her clothes lying on the floor in her room - they were clean clothes that she pulled out of the drawer and I haven't had time to put back). They also didn't like that there is a mattress in the living room. I told her that FIL is here temporary until the end of the month and that is where he is sleeping (guess they thought dd was sleeping there). I told the social worker I had been on bedrest for 7 weeks and was looking for a housekeeper. I really didn't think given being on bedrest for so long that our place looked that bad with a toddler that can destroy a room in 5 minutes. I had hoped the case would be dropped there, but I guess not. The woman said that they have services to help us. I asked if they can help us find a housekeeper and they said no but they have other services to help. After looking online I found out what these so called services are (parenting classes, mental health evaluations, victim classes and drug and alcohol support). So yesterday when I was leaving the hospital a case worker called and I have to call her back to set up a time to meet us. I am at least glad we get to scheduled a time instead of them popping in unannounced, but still really pissed and upset with this whole experience. I already have enough complications with this pregnancy I don't need the added stress of a child services investigation as well when the last thing we would ever do is abuse or neglect our child that we worked so hard to have and I am so pissed that someone who doesn't know us and was only here for 20 minutes could potentially ruin our lives like this because of jumping to conclusions over my dd's bruise and our place needing a little cleaning which I was trying to look for someone to help. I had also told that girl all this when she first came on Wednesday, but guess me telling her these things didn't make her understand since she must have called the minute she left and got home. I am also upset that this is taking up their resources when they could be using it on investigating real child abuses and kids that need help. Heck I live in a very poor city and I could bet that 40% of the parents here are drug addicts (I know the obgyn clinic here is loaded with druggie pregnant women since my old obgyn used to work down here and couldn't stand it since the women wouldn't stop taking heroin or crack to help their growing baby inside them). No instead of investigating these parents they are going after me and dh who do everything for our child and I take her all over the state every week for her therapies and doctor appts to help her since EI can only offer her 4.5 hours a week. I guess this is why children end up dying in abused homes because cps is too busy going after families that have some toys and clothes on the floor and a few days of dirty dishes in the kitchen.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
13 weeks
I have been so busy the last few days it has been hard to update.
Yesterday took my car in for an oil change, fix the tone ring and to do the brakes and ended up being $1275 lighter :(
I was so hoping to pay off my credit card debt this month with FIL still being here, but guess that is out the window now. Plus FIL informed me that we will not receive the rent from him except only after his social security and veterns money goes in. I am starting to wonder if he lost his job and wonder how if he can't afford to pay us $500 a month how he will be able to rent a studio next month for $600 a month.
Today was my 2nd try for the NT scan. The went good. We had a much better tech this time. Unfortunately the baby still didn't want to co-operate much (despite me drinking two bottles of orange juice) so we were there for over an hour. At first he/she just wanted to lie on its belly so she got one measurement that way, but they needed to get 3. Then he was lying on his back, but his chin was too far down she said. Anyways she took 3 measurements ranging from 1.55 to 2 something. But then afterwards she comes back and says the measurement is 1.6 so I guess a few of the measurements she threw out because the baby wasn't perfect. The baby also measured 12w6d so only 1 day off so I was happy with that.
Only things I didn't like is she wouldn't look for the SCH since it wasn't written on the order sheet - need to complain to my doctor about that because it has now been 2 weeks since it was last measured and that was at the ER and I never heard the measurements. Also after the bloodwork I asked when I would find out the results and the woman said not until after the 2nd bloodwork which has to be done between September 20 and October something so I was pissed about that because last time the bloodwork was bad that hugely increased my risk and looking back it was the first sign ds's placenta was failing so I really want to know the results and individual values. I care more about that then about the stupid risk calculation that they do since the numbers can tell you more information and was the only reason why I wanted to do the NT scan.
Tomorrow we are finally going to get the bed we brought on Sunday, then have dd's 6 month WIC reassessment appt. Planning to tell them about the pregnancy so hopefully we will get more checks to cover the food costs since money is very tight right now with dh no longer working and in school fulltime.
As for the bleeding/spotting, yesterday was my last day using the crinone. The bleeding has died down from the last few days where I would fill a pad a day to now just mucusly red/brown discharge when I wipe so I don't know what to think. Really hope this is just the SCH bleeding itself out and not that it is growing larger.
Yesterday took my car in for an oil change, fix the tone ring and to do the brakes and ended up being $1275 lighter :(
I was so hoping to pay off my credit card debt this month with FIL still being here, but guess that is out the window now. Plus FIL informed me that we will not receive the rent from him except only after his social security and veterns money goes in. I am starting to wonder if he lost his job and wonder how if he can't afford to pay us $500 a month how he will be able to rent a studio next month for $600 a month.
Today was my 2nd try for the NT scan. The went good. We had a much better tech this time. Unfortunately the baby still didn't want to co-operate much (despite me drinking two bottles of orange juice) so we were there for over an hour. At first he/she just wanted to lie on its belly so she got one measurement that way, but they needed to get 3. Then he was lying on his back, but his chin was too far down she said. Anyways she took 3 measurements ranging from 1.55 to 2 something. But then afterwards she comes back and says the measurement is 1.6 so I guess a few of the measurements she threw out because the baby wasn't perfect. The baby also measured 12w6d so only 1 day off so I was happy with that.
Only things I didn't like is she wouldn't look for the SCH since it wasn't written on the order sheet - need to complain to my doctor about that because it has now been 2 weeks since it was last measured and that was at the ER and I never heard the measurements. Also after the bloodwork I asked when I would find out the results and the woman said not until after the 2nd bloodwork which has to be done between September 20 and October something so I was pissed about that because last time the bloodwork was bad that hugely increased my risk and looking back it was the first sign ds's placenta was failing so I really want to know the results and individual values. I care more about that then about the stupid risk calculation that they do since the numbers can tell you more information and was the only reason why I wanted to do the NT scan.
Tomorrow we are finally going to get the bed we brought on Sunday, then have dd's 6 month WIC reassessment appt. Planning to tell them about the pregnancy so hopefully we will get more checks to cover the food costs since money is very tight right now with dh no longer working and in school fulltime.
As for the bleeding/spotting, yesterday was my last day using the crinone. The bleeding has died down from the last few days where I would fill a pad a day to now just mucusly red/brown discharge when I wipe so I don't know what to think. Really hope this is just the SCH bleeding itself out and not that it is growing larger.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
12w3d
I know I haven't wrote in the last number of days. I have been busy working with it being the end of the month and end of the summer, plus there really hasn't been anything new to report.
It has now been 7 weeks since I started bleeding and though I had 3 week break from 8-11 weeks it feels like I have been spotting/bleeding and on partial bedrest this whole pregnancy.
I started having red spotting again on Thursday after a week of only brown spotting. Luckily it just lasted over night and for the last 2 days have just been brown spotting, but it does worry me how much comes out and I am forced to wear a pad 24 hours a day again. At this rate I will run out of pads in a few weeks and will need to buy more. Never thought I would be going down that aisle while pregnant. I thought it was one thing I didn't have to worry about buying :(
DH is now done working and starting Wednesday he will be a full time student. We shall see how this works out though it will be weird having him home all the time, but I am glad at the freedom that this now allows in our schedule. Of course he hasn't really pleased me so far his first two days off - when he isn't running the one or two errands I ask him each day he has been up stairs playing his xbox. Hopefully this won't continue and he is just starting to get it out of his system.
Also we were really looking forward to having his father finally leave. Though it has helped having him here over the past 8 months in terms of money and helping with dd, it has gotten to be too much. Unfortunately last night he made it official that he is changing his leave date again - he now says October 1. We have been dealing with this now for 4 months. First it was the beginning of May, then May 18, then the end of of June, then August 1, then September 3, and now on August 31 he is saying October 1. See a pattern happening here? I really don't know what to do. He is now living in the living room so at least dh can use the bedroom for his school work, but still, we don't have the room to keep him here anymore, but can't really throw him out on the street so we are kind of struck.
Right now, I just pray he is out before Christmas.
It has now been 7 weeks since I started bleeding and though I had 3 week break from 8-11 weeks it feels like I have been spotting/bleeding and on partial bedrest this whole pregnancy.
I started having red spotting again on Thursday after a week of only brown spotting. Luckily it just lasted over night and for the last 2 days have just been brown spotting, but it does worry me how much comes out and I am forced to wear a pad 24 hours a day again. At this rate I will run out of pads in a few weeks and will need to buy more. Never thought I would be going down that aisle while pregnant. I thought it was one thing I didn't have to worry about buying :(
DH is now done working and starting Wednesday he will be a full time student. We shall see how this works out though it will be weird having him home all the time, but I am glad at the freedom that this now allows in our schedule. Of course he hasn't really pleased me so far his first two days off - when he isn't running the one or two errands I ask him each day he has been up stairs playing his xbox. Hopefully this won't continue and he is just starting to get it out of his system.
Also we were really looking forward to having his father finally leave. Though it has helped having him here over the past 8 months in terms of money and helping with dd, it has gotten to be too much. Unfortunately last night he made it official that he is changing his leave date again - he now says October 1. We have been dealing with this now for 4 months. First it was the beginning of May, then May 18, then the end of of June, then August 1, then September 3, and now on August 31 he is saying October 1. See a pattern happening here? I really don't know what to do. He is now living in the living room so at least dh can use the bedroom for his school work, but still, we don't have the room to keep him here anymore, but can't really throw him out on the street so we are kind of struck.
Right now, I just pray he is out before Christmas.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
11w6d
I had my NT today, but unfortunately the baby wasn't co-operating. She had me roll over a number of times, drink apple juice (I hate apple juice since the age of 6), and walk down the hall a few times (which I think she used as an excuse to have a coffee break).
After about 30 minutes of this she said that she was going to stop and reschedule so I have to go back next Wednesday.
I don't really understand why she wanted the baby to move so much. It looked like it was moving, but she said it was just sleeping and lying with its head up and tucked in a fetal position (well of course it is a fetus). You can see I didn't really care for the tech.
Anyways I am glad to get another scan in before the anatomy scan. I will be 13 weeks next Wednesday. Anyways dh was a bit concerned because the baby was only measuring 11w4d when I am 11w6d today. I know this doesn't mean much, but when you have had a severe growth restricted baby before that happened early on it is something you worry about the same thing happening again. Hopefully on next week's scan he/she will be measuring exact for the days.
And I asked her to measure the SCH but she wouldn't saying the scan was only for the NT measurement and I would need my doctor to order a separate scan for the SCH. I don't understand this since it takes 2 seconds to measure something. I pray next time we get a different tech and she is much better.
After about 30 minutes of this she said that she was going to stop and reschedule so I have to go back next Wednesday.
I don't really understand why she wanted the baby to move so much. It looked like it was moving, but she said it was just sleeping and lying with its head up and tucked in a fetal position (well of course it is a fetus). You can see I didn't really care for the tech.
Anyways I am glad to get another scan in before the anatomy scan. I will be 13 weeks next Wednesday. Anyways dh was a bit concerned because the baby was only measuring 11w4d when I am 11w6d today. I know this doesn't mean much, but when you have had a severe growth restricted baby before that happened early on it is something you worry about the same thing happening again. Hopefully on next week's scan he/she will be measuring exact for the days.
And I asked her to measure the SCH but she wouldn't saying the scan was only for the NT measurement and I would need my doctor to order a separate scan for the SCH. I don't understand this since it takes 2 seconds to measure something. I pray next time we get a different tech and she is much better.
Monday, August 27, 2012
11w5d
My appt went okay, again not the greatest, but definately not the worst.
First the bad
- had to wait for ever. Took 40 minutes after my time til they called me back and then it was another 30 minute wait for the doctor after they did the inital bp, weight and pee in a cup. I don't know if it is because it was an emergency appt so they might have already been booked and just squeezed me in, plus being a Monday probably doesn't help either. Anyways, I was pretty pissed about this because I already have a busy day and got an emergency call this morning that I had to squeeze in on my lunch time.
- my doctor will not increase the frequency of my appts or let me have a big scan to check on growth or the SCH between the NT scan tomorrow and the anatomy scan in 6 weeks. I was very upset about this because I don't want another experience like last time where I go for the anatomy and find out the baby is measuring 3 weeks small.
All he said is he will do a bedside u/s when I come for my appt in September but that doesn't help much since you can't really tell growth on that machine.
- he did do use the portable u/s today, but I couldn't see anything because of the glare on the screen. However, this isn't too upsetting since I have my NT scan tomorrow morning so I could really have cared less about seeing anything today.
Now the good
- When he used the u/s he couldn't see the SCH so he said that it is likely under 1cm then because that is the lowest his machine reads. We should get the exact measurements tomorrow.
- my 24 hr urine and liver and kidney values from last week came back good - no surprise here though since they were only done for a baseline and I would have been shocked if I had pre-e already.
- he will increase my appt frequently if something comes back bad on the NT tomorrow, so praying that everything looks good.
- I was able to talk to the insurance lady and found out that they will take Masshealth even though they are in RI so don't have to worry about my insurance not being accepted when our old insurance runs out sometime in September.
First the bad
- had to wait for ever. Took 40 minutes after my time til they called me back and then it was another 30 minute wait for the doctor after they did the inital bp, weight and pee in a cup. I don't know if it is because it was an emergency appt so they might have already been booked and just squeezed me in, plus being a Monday probably doesn't help either. Anyways, I was pretty pissed about this because I already have a busy day and got an emergency call this morning that I had to squeeze in on my lunch time.
- my doctor will not increase the frequency of my appts or let me have a big scan to check on growth or the SCH between the NT scan tomorrow and the anatomy scan in 6 weeks. I was very upset about this because I don't want another experience like last time where I go for the anatomy and find out the baby is measuring 3 weeks small.
All he said is he will do a bedside u/s when I come for my appt in September but that doesn't help much since you can't really tell growth on that machine.
- he did do use the portable u/s today, but I couldn't see anything because of the glare on the screen. However, this isn't too upsetting since I have my NT scan tomorrow morning so I could really have cared less about seeing anything today.
Now the good
- When he used the u/s he couldn't see the SCH so he said that it is likely under 1cm then because that is the lowest his machine reads. We should get the exact measurements tomorrow.
- my 24 hr urine and liver and kidney values from last week came back good - no surprise here though since they were only done for a baseline and I would have been shocked if I had pre-e already.
- he will increase my appt frequently if something comes back bad on the NT tomorrow, so praying that everything looks good.
- I was able to talk to the insurance lady and found out that they will take Masshealth even though they are in RI so don't have to worry about my insurance not being accepted when our old insurance runs out sometime in September.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
11w4d
So the brown spotting stopped yesterday early afternoon and stayed away all night, but now it is back again this morning. I am not too surprised because this is how it was like after my last bleeds. I was lucky if I made it 24 hours without spotting. I am at least glad it is only brown so hopefully this is just the left over blood from Wednesday's bleed.
I sprained my toe yesterday morning on dh's shoe just as we were leaving to do the housecall so since I got back home yesterday I have hardly been able to walk and my toe is all purple. At least it is good for keeping me bedridden, but it is very hard to be bedridden when you have to take care of a toddler all day. I have no choice but to constantly get up and down with dd because she keeps taking things out of the fridge, etc.
I go back to the doctor's tomorrow. Really hoping that I can get him to realize he needs to see me more often. I do have another problem which I am not sure what to do about. I received my Masshealth package on Friday and I need to chose a health plan by this Wednesday (ya the letter was dated August 15, but I didn't get it until the 24th and they need it back by the 29th - not sure how that is possible). Anyways, at first I am not even sure if they will let me do it since I currently have HP, but that won't last, but I know I can't get on a health plan as long as the HP is active.
Now this isn't that big of a deal, but the problem is all the health plans only list doctors in MA. I am going to RI for this pregnancy so I don't know what to do. The only high risk doctors are either in Providence or Boston and where we live in MA Providence is 1/3 the distance of Boston and when you are talking about being high risk and needing to go to the doctors sometimes multiple times a week I really can't see a doctor in Boston and no regular ob will even touch me now that I have the high risk classification. So tomorrow when I go to the doctor I am going to see if they can suggest what to do, if not it looks like I will need to call MassHealth - which I am not sure when I can do this because my Monday and Tuesday this week is booked solid, so that leaves Wednesday as the earliest day and they need the form back on Wednesday.
Anyways, I don't think it will be a big problem. I have had Masshealth billed at RI hospital before for dd's and dh's urology appts so I am sure they will be able to take it, just may be more red tape to go through. However, I can't possibly be the only one in this situation. I know St. Luke's sends all their high risk mothers and babies to W&I and doubt none of them are on Masshealth.
I sprained my toe yesterday morning on dh's shoe just as we were leaving to do the housecall so since I got back home yesterday I have hardly been able to walk and my toe is all purple. At least it is good for keeping me bedridden, but it is very hard to be bedridden when you have to take care of a toddler all day. I have no choice but to constantly get up and down with dd because she keeps taking things out of the fridge, etc.
I go back to the doctor's tomorrow. Really hoping that I can get him to realize he needs to see me more often. I do have another problem which I am not sure what to do about. I received my Masshealth package on Friday and I need to chose a health plan by this Wednesday (ya the letter was dated August 15, but I didn't get it until the 24th and they need it back by the 29th - not sure how that is possible). Anyways, at first I am not even sure if they will let me do it since I currently have HP, but that won't last, but I know I can't get on a health plan as long as the HP is active.
Now this isn't that big of a deal, but the problem is all the health plans only list doctors in MA. I am going to RI for this pregnancy so I don't know what to do. The only high risk doctors are either in Providence or Boston and where we live in MA Providence is 1/3 the distance of Boston and when you are talking about being high risk and needing to go to the doctors sometimes multiple times a week I really can't see a doctor in Boston and no regular ob will even touch me now that I have the high risk classification. So tomorrow when I go to the doctor I am going to see if they can suggest what to do, if not it looks like I will need to call MassHealth - which I am not sure when I can do this because my Monday and Tuesday this week is booked solid, so that leaves Wednesday as the earliest day and they need the form back on Wednesday.
Anyways, I don't think it will be a big problem. I have had Masshealth billed at RI hospital before for dd's and dh's urology appts so I am sure they will be able to take it, just may be more red tape to go through. However, I can't possibly be the only one in this situation. I know St. Luke's sends all their high risk mothers and babies to W&I and doubt none of them are on Masshealth.
Friday, August 24, 2012
11w2d
I am really getting pissed that so far most of my whole summer has been spent lying on the couch.
DH has to go grocery shopping alone today since I can't risk going again. At least for the last 3 weeks we were all able to go together, but now it is back to relying on dh totally.
I do have to do the dishes and laundry today though since they haven't been done since Wednesday. Today I have only had a little bit of spotting - either red or brown so at least no bleeds, but I constantly think I am going to bleed again. I am cramping which isn't fun. It is like pre-AF cramps so not extreme, but definately uncomfortable and it worries me since it is a sign that the blood is irritating the uterus. I ordered another box of crinone yesterday and had the pharmacy deliver it same day. It arrived shortly after 3 in the afternoon, but I had to wait until 4 to use it since dd's therapists were still here. I believe that the progesterone is at least helping with the cramps because they were pretty bad before I put in yesterday's dose and then it eased up a ton. Today I plan to put one in at noon time and then tomorrow start first thing in the morning after getting ready.
I am really hoping the bleeding stays away since I have to do this call tomorrow and so I will be gone for 3.5 hours in the morning. I don't want to make the SCH worse, but I can't change the appt. Only way I would cancel is if I start bleeding very very heavy and have to go back to the hospital, then I will have no choice :( I just pray that this will be the end of complications for this pregnancy. I am so worried about having to be put on hospital bedrest because my business won't be able to survive and I know dh can not handle the household, taking care of dd, and doing his school work.
We got into a fight yesterday because dh had to clean up before dd's therapists came. He had to go to the doctors yesterday because he is on ritalin and I guess his bp was threw the roof. Ya, no surprise there. DH can't handle everyday normal stress because of his ADHD so when there are extra things on top of that it causes him to go off the deep end. So then he says I don't care about his health because I wouldn't let him quit yesterday instead of waiting until the 30th. I told him then he shouldn't have broke my laptop and if he wanted to quit a week early then he would need to come up with the $350 for my laptop another way - this made him even more angry. I told him he doesn't care about my health by constantly sitting in the living room when he knew I was bedrest and yelling at me raising my bp. It seems when I need dh the most is when he is the least helpful :(
I can't wait until he can get a new psychiatist, but don't see that happening before the end of the year.
At least her therapist yesterday said she is taking 2 weeks off so this means that for the next 2 weeks we don't have to worry about any therapists coming to the house and having to clean up. Hopefully this gives me some time to hunt for a housekeeper to keep up with such things so I don't have to rely on dh.
DH has to go grocery shopping alone today since I can't risk going again. At least for the last 3 weeks we were all able to go together, but now it is back to relying on dh totally.
I do have to do the dishes and laundry today though since they haven't been done since Wednesday. Today I have only had a little bit of spotting - either red or brown so at least no bleeds, but I constantly think I am going to bleed again. I am cramping which isn't fun. It is like pre-AF cramps so not extreme, but definately uncomfortable and it worries me since it is a sign that the blood is irritating the uterus. I ordered another box of crinone yesterday and had the pharmacy deliver it same day. It arrived shortly after 3 in the afternoon, but I had to wait until 4 to use it since dd's therapists were still here. I believe that the progesterone is at least helping with the cramps because they were pretty bad before I put in yesterday's dose and then it eased up a ton. Today I plan to put one in at noon time and then tomorrow start first thing in the morning after getting ready.
I am really hoping the bleeding stays away since I have to do this call tomorrow and so I will be gone for 3.5 hours in the morning. I don't want to make the SCH worse, but I can't change the appt. Only way I would cancel is if I start bleeding very very heavy and have to go back to the hospital, then I will have no choice :( I just pray that this will be the end of complications for this pregnancy. I am so worried about having to be put on hospital bedrest because my business won't be able to survive and I know dh can not handle the household, taking care of dd, and doing his school work.
We got into a fight yesterday because dh had to clean up before dd's therapists came. He had to go to the doctors yesterday because he is on ritalin and I guess his bp was threw the roof. Ya, no surprise there. DH can't handle everyday normal stress because of his ADHD so when there are extra things on top of that it causes him to go off the deep end. So then he says I don't care about his health because I wouldn't let him quit yesterday instead of waiting until the 30th. I told him then he shouldn't have broke my laptop and if he wanted to quit a week early then he would need to come up with the $350 for my laptop another way - this made him even more angry. I told him he doesn't care about my health by constantly sitting in the living room when he knew I was bedrest and yelling at me raising my bp. It seems when I need dh the most is when he is the least helpful :(
I can't wait until he can get a new psychiatist, but don't see that happening before the end of the year.
At least her therapist yesterday said she is taking 2 weeks off so this means that for the next 2 weeks we don't have to worry about any therapists coming to the house and having to clean up. Hopefully this gives me some time to hunt for a housekeeper to keep up with such things so I don't have to rely on dh.
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