So I will be 8 weeks tomorrow, still spotting (though it stopped for yesterday afternoon and evening, today it is back but at least is mostly brown), and still without a doctor.
The hospital was suppose to call me yesterday, the never did. So when we got back from our counselling appt this morning at 10:30 I called over. First I got put on hold for almost 10 minutes and then the women comes on and says they didn't get the records from my RE. Now I know this is BS because the person who I talked to on Friday said she had got them and was putting me in the computer and I know my RE would not have not sent the records. So today's person says that yes I am in the computer, but they don't have the referral letters. So I tell her that Friday person said you guys do so she took my number (again because I gave it to them on Friday) and says she will call back. 2 hours later - still no call, so I don't know what to think. I guess I will have to call tomorrow and if I still get the run around call my RE because this is crazy.
On other news the counselling appt didn't go to well. DH complained about how he was against me getting pregnant and only went along with it saying he had no choice and that now that I am having problems the place is a mess, etc. I was really upset about this and the counsellor taking his side saying he should have a say in these matters. He does have a freaking say, I couldn't really have done ivf without him, it isn't like I could just sleep with him during ovulation and lie to him and opps I'm pregnant. Oh well, it isn't like we will be seeing this counsellor for much longer because once the harvard pilgrim ends we will stop our sessions since she doesn't take masshealth.
The good news today is dd's ssi backpay finally got put into her account. I found out on Friday that it wasn't in there and that I had told them a wrong digit on her account number so the money got sent back and then the put her in suspended status. I still don't know if we will get August 1 money on time, but at least the $1400 backpay is in there. I have told dh that once the money goes into the account we will hire a cleaning lady since I can't do any housework being on bedrest right now. So I placed an ad on craiglist this morning, but not sure if I will receive a response since I only need someone to do basic picking up in the living room, clean the floors, and do the dishes so it is only a few hours a week of work and I don't want to pay more than $10/hr. Most of the cleaning ads (which there were only ones by companies) wanted 15-20 dollars an hour. If I don't hear anything in the next week I am going to sign up on care.com and pay their annual fee and hire someone from there since there were many ladies on there willing to work for that cheap. I really don't see the point with paying more since dh only makes $11 something an hour at his job. I would just have him stay home one day a week if that is the case then pay someone else $15-20/hr.
This afternoon I have an appt with a new family doctor. Unfortunately I have to bring dd since her toddler group class got cancelled for today. Hopefully they will be able to at least do my bp and weigh me since I haven't had a regular prenatal appt yet and have no idea what my bp and weight is.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
7w4d
So since the Thursday bleeding started, I haven't had a blood free day. It was brown a few days and then last night started as a red bleed again. It has now been over 2 weeks that I have had to deal with this SCH and I am really getting sick of it. I can't do anything, yet I need to, so I try to limit my activities, but still do the things needed to keep the house running and it isn't really working. I am way behind on dishes and laundry. The living room and kitchen is a mess, not to mention the whole upstairs. Our house basically looks like one of the places on the show Hoarders. Today is dh's birthday and I need to go get him a cake, but even going out starts the bleeding again.
I really don't know what to do. Something tells me that I am going to be dealing with the SCH for at least the rest of the summer, if not for months longer and possibly the whole pregnancy. I don't understand why I can't just have a normal pregnancy, instead I have to limit activity at only 5 and a half weeks. I have now had this SCH for half this pregnancy and I am only 7 and a half weeks :(
I don't know if the BA is making this SCH worse, but I am too scared to stop it after having two losses - one definately from a placenta problem and the other one highly surpessious.
I really don't know what to do. Something tells me that I am going to be dealing with the SCH for at least the rest of the summer, if not for months longer and possibly the whole pregnancy. I don't understand why I can't just have a normal pregnancy, instead I have to limit activity at only 5 and a half weeks. I have now had this SCH for half this pregnancy and I am only 7 and a half weeks :(
I don't know if the BA is making this SCH worse, but I am too scared to stop it after having two losses - one definately from a placenta problem and the other one highly surpessious.
Friday, July 27, 2012
7w2d
The bleeding and stopped last night, but then after doing too much this morning the spotting and light bleed started again. I really hate this because even though I can take it easy most of the time, there are times I can't. Tomorrow dh will do the grocery shopping, but today I had to run a few errands that I know dh won't or can't do.
On other news our place is falling apart. You know how they say things happen in 3's. Well we had 2 plumbing disasters today. First the spray noggle on the kitchen sink broke off. I'm guessing it got corrided and now the water will no longer come out of the facet, but only fall out of the sprayer when you remove the noggle. DH calls the landlord and leaves a voice mail. Then 4 hours later dh is upstairs taking a shower and I notice water starts dripping from the ceiling in the kitchen. So appartantly there is a problem with the shower now too and when you put it on it leaks through the ceiling below. So I had to ring the landlord again. Luckily she answered this time and said she will contact the plumber, but who knows when we will hear from them especially since it is 4 on Friday now. So I don't know what we are going to do about showering until this is fixed.
I also tried to call the hospital today since I never heard from them about an appt from the high risk clinic. Left a message at 1pm today, by 3 still hadn't heard anything so I call again and luckily the women answers. She says she got the info from my RE and is putting me into the computer, but she can't schedule me yet and will call on Monday with she can find an appt time. So I am glad I got that problem solved. Now just hoping they call Monday morning since Monday afternoon I have to take dd down the cape for therapy.
On other news our place is falling apart. You know how they say things happen in 3's. Well we had 2 plumbing disasters today. First the spray noggle on the kitchen sink broke off. I'm guessing it got corrided and now the water will no longer come out of the facet, but only fall out of the sprayer when you remove the noggle. DH calls the landlord and leaves a voice mail. Then 4 hours later dh is upstairs taking a shower and I notice water starts dripping from the ceiling in the kitchen. So appartantly there is a problem with the shower now too and when you put it on it leaks through the ceiling below. So I had to ring the landlord again. Luckily she answered this time and said she will contact the plumber, but who knows when we will hear from them especially since it is 4 on Friday now. So I don't know what we are going to do about showering until this is fixed.
I also tried to call the hospital today since I never heard from them about an appt from the high risk clinic. Left a message at 1pm today, by 3 still hadn't heard anything so I call again and luckily the women answers. She says she got the info from my RE and is putting me into the computer, but she can't schedule me yet and will call on Monday with she can find an appt time. So I am glad I got that problem solved. Now just hoping they call Monday morning since Monday afternoon I have to take dd down the cape for therapy.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
7w1d
So good news and bad news.
First the bad news. The bleeding started again last night.
I went to bed at 9 and woke up to go to the bathroom at 12:30. I wasn't expecting any blood since I had been blood free for 6 days and even spot free for the last many nights.
I looked down and the toilet was full of brown blood. I know this is tmi, but it basically looked like I had diarrhea, but it came out my vagina.
After this I was too upset to go back to sleep, but tried to reassure myself saying it was only brown and I was probably just bleeding out the old SCH.
At 1:30 I went to the bathroom again and now it was back to the pink/red bleeding I had all last week. Now I couldn't even be relieved that it was just brown old blood. I was also upset because of all days it had to happen the night before my oath ceremony that I couldn't miss. I was at least glad that the u/s was already scheduled for the morning, but the bleeding again didn't make me feel better going in there.
The bleeding continued for the rest of the night, going brown by morning and then back to red as we were leaving. I did take some comfort though knowing the bleeding was coming from the SCH. If it was a m/c it would have gotten heavier and heavier and I would have been having severe cramps, neither of which I was experiencing. But these things only brought me a little bit of reassurance because I was still scared for a missed m/c and I had to tell dh about the bleeding which didn't go over well.
Now the good news, the baby is doing fine. It is measuring exact on track for 7w1d and hb was 157. I was upset though that the tech didn't show me when she did the u/s and even though I got pictures they kind of suck in terms of quality. I guess they are better than the picture last week that basically showed a dot as the baby. This time the baby is more of a blob like structure.
We then met with the doctor and she decided since the baby looks good despite the bleeding that she was going to discharge me saying it is silly to keep seeing me because the bleeding/spotting can last for weeks. I told her about my trouble getting in with my ob and so she is going to refer me straight to the high risk doctors at Women's and Infants in Providence. Now I just need to hope that they call me soon, I never received a call today. I really don't want to be without a doctor for long especially with the bleeding.
I am so happy the baby is doing well. I don't know what I would have done if I received bad news today especially since I had to go for my oath ceremony this afternoon. That would have been the very last thing I would have wanted to do if I was m/cing.
First the bad news. The bleeding started again last night.
I went to bed at 9 and woke up to go to the bathroom at 12:30. I wasn't expecting any blood since I had been blood free for 6 days and even spot free for the last many nights.
I looked down and the toilet was full of brown blood. I know this is tmi, but it basically looked like I had diarrhea, but it came out my vagina.
After this I was too upset to go back to sleep, but tried to reassure myself saying it was only brown and I was probably just bleeding out the old SCH.
At 1:30 I went to the bathroom again and now it was back to the pink/red bleeding I had all last week. Now I couldn't even be relieved that it was just brown old blood. I was also upset because of all days it had to happen the night before my oath ceremony that I couldn't miss. I was at least glad that the u/s was already scheduled for the morning, but the bleeding again didn't make me feel better going in there.
The bleeding continued for the rest of the night, going brown by morning and then back to red as we were leaving. I did take some comfort though knowing the bleeding was coming from the SCH. If it was a m/c it would have gotten heavier and heavier and I would have been having severe cramps, neither of which I was experiencing. But these things only brought me a little bit of reassurance because I was still scared for a missed m/c and I had to tell dh about the bleeding which didn't go over well.
Now the good news, the baby is doing fine. It is measuring exact on track for 7w1d and hb was 157. I was upset though that the tech didn't show me when she did the u/s and even though I got pictures they kind of suck in terms of quality. I guess they are better than the picture last week that basically showed a dot as the baby. This time the baby is more of a blob like structure.
We then met with the doctor and she decided since the baby looks good despite the bleeding that she was going to discharge me saying it is silly to keep seeing me because the bleeding/spotting can last for weeks. I told her about my trouble getting in with my ob and so she is going to refer me straight to the high risk doctors at Women's and Infants in Providence. Now I just need to hope that they call me soon, I never received a call today. I really don't want to be without a doctor for long especially with the bleeding.
I am so happy the baby is doing well. I don't know what I would have done if I received bad news today especially since I had to go for my oath ceremony this afternoon. That would have been the very last thing I would have wanted to do if I was m/cing.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
7 weeks
So brown spotting stopped yesterday morning and now is back in full swing this morning. Not sure why I am only getting brown spotting in the morning. I did exerte myself too much yesterday afternoon having to go to 3 stores since we needed stuff and dh messed up on the shopping last week.
I have a much slower day today so I am looking forward to being able to just relax at home here and maybe do a load of washing and dishes since they haven't been done in days and then this afternoon dd has her ST.
I go for my 2nd u/s tomorrow and then to Boston for my oath ceremony. I am scared to death about getting bad news at the u/s. I really don't know what I would do. I can't lose this baby, not now after everything we have gone through the last 8 months. I was reassured the last few days since my fatigue and queasiness have returned, but still know it doesn't mean much. I really hate I could get some sign before on what the result will be. I then worry that it is a bad sign that I am so scared of a m/c. Up to 6 weeks I had a good feeling about this pregnancy and now I am just terrified I am going to lose it. I also had a dream last night that I gave birth to the baby, but then it died from being born so premature. I don't know what to take from the dream. My last two pregnancies I had dreams of m/c and both times it happened. The only difference between the first two dreams was the first one was just one baby and the second was two. This time my dream was different in the fact the baby was fine when it was born, but it was very early, but nothing was done to help it and I treated it like a normal fullterm baby and then I realized it really would have needed help breathing and with temp is when I recognized the baby had died.
I have a much slower day today so I am looking forward to being able to just relax at home here and maybe do a load of washing and dishes since they haven't been done in days and then this afternoon dd has her ST.
I go for my 2nd u/s tomorrow and then to Boston for my oath ceremony. I am scared to death about getting bad news at the u/s. I really don't know what I would do. I can't lose this baby, not now after everything we have gone through the last 8 months. I was reassured the last few days since my fatigue and queasiness have returned, but still know it doesn't mean much. I really hate I could get some sign before on what the result will be. I then worry that it is a bad sign that I am so scared of a m/c. Up to 6 weeks I had a good feeling about this pregnancy and now I am just terrified I am going to lose it. I also had a dream last night that I gave birth to the baby, but then it died from being born so premature. I don't know what to take from the dream. My last two pregnancies I had dreams of m/c and both times it happened. The only difference between the first two dreams was the first one was just one baby and the second was two. This time my dream was different in the fact the baby was fine when it was born, but it was very early, but nothing was done to help it and I treated it like a normal fullterm baby and then I realized it really would have needed help breathing and with temp is when I recognized the baby had died.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
6w6d
Brown spotting started again this morning, but I don't care because I knew I would probably bleed some more and brown is better than red. 2 days until the u/s. Getting nervous. I really need good news especially since I have my oath ceremony right afterwards. I just hate this time period in pregnancy and worried to death about having another missed m/c.
I am really at a breaking end with dh and his adhd. Who knows when he will get another doctor and get on a higher dose of meds. Last night he left his iphone on the kitchen table and dd grabbed it this morning, ran into the kitchen and threw it in the sink of water. Of course this all happened 1 minute before her therapist arrived. I immediately put it in a bag of rice after trying to get the case off. 30 minutes later I read that it needed to be powered off completely so I tried that, but it would let me, so who knows if it will work in a few days or not.
So anyways me and dh then got into a fight about this when dh woke up. I told dh last month he could buy an iphone only on one condition - that he is careful with it. He has broken 2 phones before and one of my old phones, not to mention 2 laptops, a baby gate, bouncer seat, 2 car tires, hundreds of cds, xbox games, and lost his ds with over $1000 worth of games (including 2 of mine he borrowed). I knew he was careless, but thought with the price of the phone he would try and be more careful and this was his birthday present and then he could stop complaining about how I have an iphone and he doesn't. Well his birthday is still a week away and the phone has already gotten broke. He thinks he shouldn't be at fault and it is my fault for being down here with dd. Meanwhile I told him he knows not to leave it where she can grab it and dd is a lot faster than I am. At least I tried to do something right away to help save it, unlike him doing nothing when he spilled milk all over my computer. So now he says he is getting a new one and it is coming out of dd's money which I said no way. One, if it wasn't for me dd wouldn't even be getting any money since he didn't even want me to apply. I am just sick and tired of this disease and him continuously breaking things (either intentionally or by accident) and me having to pay for it. We can't afford to keep up with this.
Speaking of him recking things, he also deleted my business program off the computer some time in the last few weeks. It was accident, but still there goes 14 months of clients information I had on the program, not to mention the whole price list. I know it is partly my fault for not backing stuff up, but still he should have asked me before he went and deleted things without knowing what they are.
I am really at a breaking end with dh and his adhd. Who knows when he will get another doctor and get on a higher dose of meds. Last night he left his iphone on the kitchen table and dd grabbed it this morning, ran into the kitchen and threw it in the sink of water. Of course this all happened 1 minute before her therapist arrived. I immediately put it in a bag of rice after trying to get the case off. 30 minutes later I read that it needed to be powered off completely so I tried that, but it would let me, so who knows if it will work in a few days or not.
So anyways me and dh then got into a fight about this when dh woke up. I told dh last month he could buy an iphone only on one condition - that he is careful with it. He has broken 2 phones before and one of my old phones, not to mention 2 laptops, a baby gate, bouncer seat, 2 car tires, hundreds of cds, xbox games, and lost his ds with over $1000 worth of games (including 2 of mine he borrowed). I knew he was careless, but thought with the price of the phone he would try and be more careful and this was his birthday present and then he could stop complaining about how I have an iphone and he doesn't. Well his birthday is still a week away and the phone has already gotten broke. He thinks he shouldn't be at fault and it is my fault for being down here with dd. Meanwhile I told him he knows not to leave it where she can grab it and dd is a lot faster than I am. At least I tried to do something right away to help save it, unlike him doing nothing when he spilled milk all over my computer. So now he says he is getting a new one and it is coming out of dd's money which I said no way. One, if it wasn't for me dd wouldn't even be getting any money since he didn't even want me to apply. I am just sick and tired of this disease and him continuously breaking things (either intentionally or by accident) and me having to pay for it. We can't afford to keep up with this.
Speaking of him recking things, he also deleted my business program off the computer some time in the last few weeks. It was accident, but still there goes 14 months of clients information I had on the program, not to mention the whole price list. I know it is partly my fault for not backing stuff up, but still he should have asked me before he went and deleted things without knowing what they are.
Monday, July 23, 2012
6w5d
I am really hoping this lack of bleeding means the SCH is resolving and gone. Yesterday I just had a few occassions of brown spotting in the morning, then nothing since. Last night I had the worst abdominal cramps ever. I literally sat on the toilet for an hour and had 3 occasions of diarrhea. Luckily no blood came, but it was still horrible because I didn't know if the cramping was because of the diarrhea or my uterus. Turns out it was just my intestines. I also had waves of nausea while on the toilet too so I don't know if something I ate last night didn't agree with me or if this is a form of m/s. I tried googling m/s and diarrhea and it does seem to be a common occurance, but than other people say it is not m/s so I don't know. Anyways, though no matter how much the diarrhea sucked if it is a toss up between it and vomiting I will take the diarrhea anyday.
I was suppose to be at a house call right now, but the owner called last night needing to reschedule due to a family emergency. Since it was Sunday I didn't answer the phone so couldn't speak with her. I tried calling back, but haven't gotten ahold of her so don't know what to expect. She is only free Sunday and Mondays, I don't work Sunday's and next Monday dh has a staff meeting so that only leaves Monday around noon time or if she is okay with it I can make an exception and see her on Sunday. I just hate not knowing and hope she doesn't expect me to see her next Monday at 9 because I can't.
I got upset with dh this morning. Seems like the cereal isn't the only thing he messed up on. On Thursday he went to Walmart and so I told him some things to pick up. I said get some shampoo and conditioner since we are on the last bottles. So this morning the conditioner bottle was empty (the shampoo is 90% full still) so I went into the bag and found out instead of him buying a shampoo and conditioner he only brought 2 shampoos. So now I am struck with 3 bottles of shampoo and no conditioner. This along with the wrong cereal and wrong chips means I am going to have to spend my afternoon tomorrow buying all the things he messed up on when I really shouldn't be shopping at all.
I really hate being on bedrest. It is hard having to rely on others for everything and nothing getting done. Our place is a mess and tomorrow morning at 8 dd has EI. I asked dh to vacuum just the Cheerios on the rug and he won't saying the vacuum won't work for him and until we get a new one he isn't vacuuming. I told him he has to use the hose and just do the Cheerios, but he won't so I don't know what to do about her therapy tomorrow.
I was suppose to be at a house call right now, but the owner called last night needing to reschedule due to a family emergency. Since it was Sunday I didn't answer the phone so couldn't speak with her. I tried calling back, but haven't gotten ahold of her so don't know what to expect. She is only free Sunday and Mondays, I don't work Sunday's and next Monday dh has a staff meeting so that only leaves Monday around noon time or if she is okay with it I can make an exception and see her on Sunday. I just hate not knowing and hope she doesn't expect me to see her next Monday at 9 because I can't.
I got upset with dh this morning. Seems like the cereal isn't the only thing he messed up on. On Thursday he went to Walmart and so I told him some things to pick up. I said get some shampoo and conditioner since we are on the last bottles. So this morning the conditioner bottle was empty (the shampoo is 90% full still) so I went into the bag and found out instead of him buying a shampoo and conditioner he only brought 2 shampoos. So now I am struck with 3 bottles of shampoo and no conditioner. This along with the wrong cereal and wrong chips means I am going to have to spend my afternoon tomorrow buying all the things he messed up on when I really shouldn't be shopping at all.
I really hate being on bedrest. It is hard having to rely on others for everything and nothing getting done. Our place is a mess and tomorrow morning at 8 dd has EI. I asked dh to vacuum just the Cheerios on the rug and he won't saying the vacuum won't work for him and until we get a new one he isn't vacuuming. I told him he has to use the hose and just do the Cheerios, but he won't so I don't know what to do about her therapy tomorrow.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
6w4d
So I have good news and bad news.
Good news is I haven't had a bleed since early hours on Friday. For the whole day Friday I just had brown chunky discharge. It looked like the SCH was trying to bleed out.
Then nothing Friday night and yesterday I only had one occasion of spotting in the morning then I was spot free until now where the brown discharge is back. I am trying to not get to worked up about the spotting being back. At least it is brown and I know SCH normally take weeks of spotting to resolve. Just praying it doesn't turn back to red blood again. I can live without that.
Now the bad news, many of my pregnancy symptoms seem to have decreased. I only need to pee every 4 or 5 hours and for the past couple of days I couldn't nap at all. Now I am blaming the not napping on sleeping more at night, however it worries me that my symptoms are less and I don't really feel pregnant. My breasts haven't changed at all. I am dreaming more, which I think is only because I am getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. I am hoping that it is the dreaming that is causing me to sleep for longer stretches and not that my hormones are dropping.
I just really hate this time period since I can't do anything but wait. I can't wait until 3 or so weeks from now so I can start using my doppler and at least have that to reassure myself. I know symptoms doesn't equal a healthy pregnancy, but it sure is nerve racking and after experiencing a missed m/c before I don't want to repeat that.
DH went out grocery shopping yesterday and I was reminded today on why you can't rely on men to grocery shop. Stop and Shop had cereal on sale for 2/$5. I wrote down for him to get two 14oz boxes since they were what was listed in the flyer. He comes home and I notice the boxes he got were very small, but didn't think much of it. Mostly I was pissed that the sale was on such small boxes and wasn't surprised the store did that. So this morning when I was getting breakfast I look at the box and find out they are 10.5oz. I was pissed. So not only did he not buy the right size that was on sale, but now we won't have enough food to last us the week all because he got smaller boxes then he should. Of course dh can't take critism at all and starts bitching they were under the sticker. I told him you have to check the box size against the flyer. So now I am mad that I will need to buy more cereal on Tuesday, not to mention he probably paid a fortunte for this tiny tiny boxes.
I can't wait until the fall when we won't have to care about food prices anymore.
I got dd's approval letter for SSI yesterday so I am so relieved. When her case worker called a few weeks ago for June's wages and said she was approved I couldn't believe it since it was so quick and to tell you the truth you hear so many stories about SSI denials I really didn't think she would be approved, especially that easy, but hey I am not going to complain. I told one of my friends who has a son who is severely delayed and now facing losing her house to apply and she finally is so I am glad. I was starting to get worried about what we were going to do for the Fall since dh's loans would only cover a few months if they split the loan up per semester. DD will be receiving the full amount allowed for SSI in MA so this will really help us fill in the gaps each month. I have already decided what I am going to spend her back pay on. I am buying her a pressure vest and some other things to help with her therapies and then I will pay off all our credit card debt so we can at least start the Fall debt free in that category.
Good news is I haven't had a bleed since early hours on Friday. For the whole day Friday I just had brown chunky discharge. It looked like the SCH was trying to bleed out.
Then nothing Friday night and yesterday I only had one occasion of spotting in the morning then I was spot free until now where the brown discharge is back. I am trying to not get to worked up about the spotting being back. At least it is brown and I know SCH normally take weeks of spotting to resolve. Just praying it doesn't turn back to red blood again. I can live without that.
Now the bad news, many of my pregnancy symptoms seem to have decreased. I only need to pee every 4 or 5 hours and for the past couple of days I couldn't nap at all. Now I am blaming the not napping on sleeping more at night, however it worries me that my symptoms are less and I don't really feel pregnant. My breasts haven't changed at all. I am dreaming more, which I think is only because I am getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. I am hoping that it is the dreaming that is causing me to sleep for longer stretches and not that my hormones are dropping.
I just really hate this time period since I can't do anything but wait. I can't wait until 3 or so weeks from now so I can start using my doppler and at least have that to reassure myself. I know symptoms doesn't equal a healthy pregnancy, but it sure is nerve racking and after experiencing a missed m/c before I don't want to repeat that.
DH went out grocery shopping yesterday and I was reminded today on why you can't rely on men to grocery shop. Stop and Shop had cereal on sale for 2/$5. I wrote down for him to get two 14oz boxes since they were what was listed in the flyer. He comes home and I notice the boxes he got were very small, but didn't think much of it. Mostly I was pissed that the sale was on such small boxes and wasn't surprised the store did that. So this morning when I was getting breakfast I look at the box and find out they are 10.5oz. I was pissed. So not only did he not buy the right size that was on sale, but now we won't have enough food to last us the week all because he got smaller boxes then he should. Of course dh can't take critism at all and starts bitching they were under the sticker. I told him you have to check the box size against the flyer. So now I am mad that I will need to buy more cereal on Tuesday, not to mention he probably paid a fortunte for this tiny tiny boxes.
I can't wait until the fall when we won't have to care about food prices anymore.
I got dd's approval letter for SSI yesterday so I am so relieved. When her case worker called a few weeks ago for June's wages and said she was approved I couldn't believe it since it was so quick and to tell you the truth you hear so many stories about SSI denials I really didn't think she would be approved, especially that easy, but hey I am not going to complain. I told one of my friends who has a son who is severely delayed and now facing losing her house to apply and she finally is so I am glad. I was starting to get worried about what we were going to do for the Fall since dh's loans would only cover a few months if they split the loan up per semester. DD will be receiving the full amount allowed for SSI in MA so this will really help us fill in the gaps each month. I have already decided what I am going to spend her back pay on. I am buying her a pressure vest and some other things to help with her therapies and then I will pay off all our credit card debt so we can at least start the Fall debt free in that category.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
6w3d
It has now been a week since the bleeding started. I am happy to report that the brown spotting all day yesterday didn't turn into another bleed and I have been blood free now for 13 hours. Hoping it continues, but not holding my breath because it did this before and then started again at the 22 hour mark.
Me and dh had another big fight last night to go with all the fighting all day. I really thought it would make me start bleeding again because my bp was probably threw the roof. He wouldn't stop complaining to me about how tired he is and how much his life sucks for hours and I just couldn't take it anymore and to make it worse I couldn't get away because it was after my PIO shot and I had to stay sitting on the heating pad.
I called his mother which didn't go so good. He complained to his mother about having to sleep on the mattress on the floor. I try and yell saying he choses to sleep there and he can sleep with me if he wants but he would get a heck of a lot less than 5-6 hours of sleep since I am up every few hours to go to the bathroom. But you know his mother doesn't see things this way and just thinks her poor little boy is not getting a say in anything. She then tells him how I asked to use the wheel chair and she doesn't understand why and that the chair is too small for me anyhow. Guess I shouldn't be surprised she renigns on the chair since she can't be relied upon for anything.
The only good news out of the call is she says BIL and his family have to move back to their house August 10. Guess the bank won't do a short sale for them - I'm not surprised since they have no reason that they can't pay their mortage so now they have to move back or face foreclosure ruining their credit. Me and dh are not surprised and it shows you how karma is a bitch.
For those who don't know the story it all started last April. I was on UE and it was running out in June. With the UE money we were just making it at our apartment. DH only brought in enough money to pay 1/3 of the bills. So when I knew UE was ending I had to figure out some way of how we could survive. I had enough money in savings to get us through to the end of summer, but that was it. After that we would be screwed. Now dh's parents have a semi apartment in their basement. It has its own entrance, bathroom, and kitchen, etc. MIL always commented for all the years I have known her that we would never need to worry about being on the streets because we could just leave in their basement. So last April I call MIL up and ask her about us moving there. She was hestate at first saying there isn't heat down there, but then agreed to it. I told her we should hopefully be gone by the winter so the heating issue shouldn't be a problem and if it is we can buy a portable heater.
So everything was going great and then June comes, my UE is running out in a week and MIL phones saying BIL, his wife and their two kids are going to move in and that we need to find a place of our own. That she wants us to be "self sufficient" and that she will pay for 1st and last month rent (cause I told her we had no money to move). Well I lost it. MIL explaination of why they needed the place was that SIL was going to quit her job and become a SAHM and so they can no longer afford their house. Now for the record BIL makes 4 times as much as dh. His income alone could pay the mortage and all their other bills no problem. This is what really pissed me off. It was one thing for her to go back on her promise to me, but when we were really hurting and seriously were going to be homeless in a few months and she decides when the time came that her other son's family should move in instead. One year later (last month) I finally got her to admit to me that yes BIL and his family could afford to stay in their house, but get this - they would have no "FUN" money. That's right, we were 2 months away from being homeless, but she decides to give the place to her other son so he could walk away from his mortage so then they would have FUN money. I haven't seen FUN money since 2007!
So anyways for the next few months MIL says about how great BIL is because he can take out a $60 thousand loan that they are using to fix up the basement and building an addition. So not only did MIL go back on her promise to us, she also sold us out. She made it sound like BIL was such a big shot when really that money was a loan - it wasn't his money, he didn't own it, however for the whole summer last year she would say to me "BIL is giving me $60 thousand what would you guys have given me, nothing" . To make this story even more interested when my mom and aunt came down at the end of September MIL openned up even more about this loan money. Seems like the money was never BIL from the get go. The $60 thousand came from an equity loan on MIL's house. BIL was only a cosigner. That's right, MIL took out a $60 thousand loan on her house to totally redo her basement for BIL and his family could move in.
The only thing that made this news easier to bare was by the end of August we were in our own place and I was so happy that we never moved in with MIL. After MIL pulled her stunt in June I immediately found a place on craig's list and my parents had to give me a $5000 loan so we could pay rent in both places for the months of July and August and move. MIL's offer on 1st and last month's rent became only an offer for security - she swore she never said she would pay first and last, then when we found the place and I borrowed the money from the business account (basically bleed the account dry) inorder to pay first and security to get the place, MIL changes her story again and says since I had already paid the security I don't need any money. So that is the story with that. MIL gave us $0 to help with moving and my parents who are retired had to foot us $5000 just so we could make it through the summer and pay all the moving costs. The good news is our new place is twice as big as our old place and $300 a month cheaper. We still don't have enough to make it each month on dh's income alone, but I try to stretch any money we have by using the tax money or selling things. The first time MIL came to our new place she was impressed at how big it was. However she has now become a bitch about it saying how bad the neighborhood is, how horrible the backyard is that she can't take dd out in, and how there are drug dealers, etc all around. I laugh at this since where was she when we needed her last year. For the price we can afford our place is good. Yes it is in a lower class neighborhood, but we can't afford an upscale home like hers and since she was no help in finding us a place she really doesn't have a reason to complain. Whenever she brings this up I always tell her "well then you find us a place". Of course this gets her all upset and she says "I can find you a better place than THAT" and then I say calming "Then please do". This arguement then goes on like this for the next 5 minutes until she hangs up on me. See why I can't stand this woman.
So anyways, on the phone last night MIL is all upset that BIL has to move back and she wants us to move in there. At least me and dh agree on one thing. We are not moving again. It was a pain in the ass to move in the first place and we have too much stuff - which MIL responds is just throw all that stuff away.
Anyways, this just shows you what goes around comes around. We all told MIL how stupid it was for her to do this and what would BIL do if his house doesn't sell. However they never listened. No one else who I talked to - everyone in my family and friends - can not understand why she would even do this and why BIL would even chose to leave his house, risk ruining their credit, to live in a basement.
So now they are all screwed. MIL will lose the $500 a month she was getting in rent from them, and BIL is going to have to pay back on the money on his mortage, including late fees since January, not to mention paying on the $60 thousand loan plus interest.
Me and dh had another big fight last night to go with all the fighting all day. I really thought it would make me start bleeding again because my bp was probably threw the roof. He wouldn't stop complaining to me about how tired he is and how much his life sucks for hours and I just couldn't take it anymore and to make it worse I couldn't get away because it was after my PIO shot and I had to stay sitting on the heating pad.
I called his mother which didn't go so good. He complained to his mother about having to sleep on the mattress on the floor. I try and yell saying he choses to sleep there and he can sleep with me if he wants but he would get a heck of a lot less than 5-6 hours of sleep since I am up every few hours to go to the bathroom. But you know his mother doesn't see things this way and just thinks her poor little boy is not getting a say in anything. She then tells him how I asked to use the wheel chair and she doesn't understand why and that the chair is too small for me anyhow. Guess I shouldn't be surprised she renigns on the chair since she can't be relied upon for anything.
The only good news out of the call is she says BIL and his family have to move back to their house August 10. Guess the bank won't do a short sale for them - I'm not surprised since they have no reason that they can't pay their mortage so now they have to move back or face foreclosure ruining their credit. Me and dh are not surprised and it shows you how karma is a bitch.
For those who don't know the story it all started last April. I was on UE and it was running out in June. With the UE money we were just making it at our apartment. DH only brought in enough money to pay 1/3 of the bills. So when I knew UE was ending I had to figure out some way of how we could survive. I had enough money in savings to get us through to the end of summer, but that was it. After that we would be screwed. Now dh's parents have a semi apartment in their basement. It has its own entrance, bathroom, and kitchen, etc. MIL always commented for all the years I have known her that we would never need to worry about being on the streets because we could just leave in their basement. So last April I call MIL up and ask her about us moving there. She was hestate at first saying there isn't heat down there, but then agreed to it. I told her we should hopefully be gone by the winter so the heating issue shouldn't be a problem and if it is we can buy a portable heater.
So everything was going great and then June comes, my UE is running out in a week and MIL phones saying BIL, his wife and their two kids are going to move in and that we need to find a place of our own. That she wants us to be "self sufficient" and that she will pay for 1st and last month rent (cause I told her we had no money to move). Well I lost it. MIL explaination of why they needed the place was that SIL was going to quit her job and become a SAHM and so they can no longer afford their house. Now for the record BIL makes 4 times as much as dh. His income alone could pay the mortage and all their other bills no problem. This is what really pissed me off. It was one thing for her to go back on her promise to me, but when we were really hurting and seriously were going to be homeless in a few months and she decides when the time came that her other son's family should move in instead. One year later (last month) I finally got her to admit to me that yes BIL and his family could afford to stay in their house, but get this - they would have no "FUN" money. That's right, we were 2 months away from being homeless, but she decides to give the place to her other son so he could walk away from his mortage so then they would have FUN money. I haven't seen FUN money since 2007!
So anyways for the next few months MIL says about how great BIL is because he can take out a $60 thousand loan that they are using to fix up the basement and building an addition. So not only did MIL go back on her promise to us, she also sold us out. She made it sound like BIL was such a big shot when really that money was a loan - it wasn't his money, he didn't own it, however for the whole summer last year she would say to me "BIL is giving me $60 thousand what would you guys have given me, nothing" . To make this story even more interested when my mom and aunt came down at the end of September MIL openned up even more about this loan money. Seems like the money was never BIL from the get go. The $60 thousand came from an equity loan on MIL's house. BIL was only a cosigner. That's right, MIL took out a $60 thousand loan on her house to totally redo her basement for BIL and his family could move in.
The only thing that made this news easier to bare was by the end of August we were in our own place and I was so happy that we never moved in with MIL. After MIL pulled her stunt in June I immediately found a place on craig's list and my parents had to give me a $5000 loan so we could pay rent in both places for the months of July and August and move. MIL's offer on 1st and last month's rent became only an offer for security - she swore she never said she would pay first and last, then when we found the place and I borrowed the money from the business account (basically bleed the account dry) inorder to pay first and security to get the place, MIL changes her story again and says since I had already paid the security I don't need any money. So that is the story with that. MIL gave us $0 to help with moving and my parents who are retired had to foot us $5000 just so we could make it through the summer and pay all the moving costs. The good news is our new place is twice as big as our old place and $300 a month cheaper. We still don't have enough to make it each month on dh's income alone, but I try to stretch any money we have by using the tax money or selling things. The first time MIL came to our new place she was impressed at how big it was. However she has now become a bitch about it saying how bad the neighborhood is, how horrible the backyard is that she can't take dd out in, and how there are drug dealers, etc all around. I laugh at this since where was she when we needed her last year. For the price we can afford our place is good. Yes it is in a lower class neighborhood, but we can't afford an upscale home like hers and since she was no help in finding us a place she really doesn't have a reason to complain. Whenever she brings this up I always tell her "well then you find us a place". Of course this gets her all upset and she says "I can find you a better place than THAT" and then I say calming "Then please do". This arguement then goes on like this for the next 5 minutes until she hangs up on me. See why I can't stand this woman.
So anyways, on the phone last night MIL is all upset that BIL has to move back and she wants us to move in there. At least me and dh agree on one thing. We are not moving again. It was a pain in the ass to move in the first place and we have too much stuff - which MIL responds is just throw all that stuff away.
Anyways, this just shows you what goes around comes around. We all told MIL how stupid it was for her to do this and what would BIL do if his house doesn't sell. However they never listened. No one else who I talked to - everyone in my family and friends - can not understand why she would even do this and why BIL would even chose to leave his house, risk ruining their credit, to live in a basement.
So now they are all screwed. MIL will lose the $500 a month she was getting in rent from them, and BIL is going to have to pay back on the money on his mortage, including late fees since January, not to mention paying on the $60 thousand loan plus interest.
Friday, July 20, 2012
6w2d
I've been pretty nervous all day due to this SCH. It is so upsetting about not knowing what is happening and though everything looked great with the baby 2 days ago, I have no way of knowing if things are still okay. I can't wait another 4 weeks when I can use my doppler regularly.
Yesterday was my first blood and spot free day. I had nothing from Wednesday night and then around dinner time last night I started spotting again, so almost 24 hours. The bedrest was getting to me though. However then over night I had another red bleed. Today it has just been brown spotting all day so I am glad about that, but worried why I had another red bleed. It seems like I can't even make it 24 hours without having a full out red bleed. I don't know if this means the SCH is growing or what :( I have also been spending a lot of time on the babycenter SCH board and I don't think that is a good idea because all it does is scare me more and makes me worry about all the things that can go wrong and how if we even make it out of the first trimester this SCH can cause 2nd trimester m/c thanks to PROM or placenta aruption.
I really hope the u/s next week is good. The only thing I have to be relieved about is that it isn't ectopic or blighted ovum so I don't have those worries, but I am still scared shitless that the heart will stop and there is nothing I can do about it.
It is worse since dh has told me we aren't cycling again so if this pregnancy fails there is no more 2nd chance :(
DH has been a real jerk today. First he makes me stop at Burger King on the way home from our call today. Since we did well on the call and I needed to pee, I agreed. Well he threw a fit in the restaurant about wanting a drink (however he never ordered one) and stormed out. Seriously it is like he has PMS. Then I ask him to clean the litter box and he freaks out about some of the cat shit falling outside the garbage by accident. He then starts claiming how tired he is and how he is convinced he has lyme disease. It really pisses me off because if he was so tired he wouldn't be able to play his xbox at all. I really think he is addicted to that thing and he throws a fit whenever I ask him to do anything else. It is really annoying me, especially now with me being limited on what I can do. Sometimes I feel like an only parent and really dh should be supportive of me and waiting on me instead all he has done today is raise my blood pressure. On the way to the call this morning he forgot to bring the cooler bag out with the vaccines so after we were half way there we had to drive back home to grab it. Well dh starts yelling and we argue in the car which I really didn't need.
I know a lot of it is related to his ADHD and now thanks to his psychicist leaving who knows when his meds will be increased. He was given a 3 page list 6 weeks ago to find another doctor - has he found one - nope. Oh and he also had yesterday off work so it isn't like he is so busy he couldn't do these things, nope yesterday after he took the car for an oil change he sat and played the xbox all day. I tried not to complain though because I knew he needed to come with me on this big call today and he also has to go grocery shopping this week since I can't now unfortunately. I now think the reason why dh didn't want me to get pregnant again was because he knew he would have to take on more responsiblity around the house here and he didn't want to do that.
I don't think dh is a bad man, just think the xbox and ADHD is not a good mix and neither are helping him at all and it is just so frustrating.
Yesterday was my first blood and spot free day. I had nothing from Wednesday night and then around dinner time last night I started spotting again, so almost 24 hours. The bedrest was getting to me though. However then over night I had another red bleed. Today it has just been brown spotting all day so I am glad about that, but worried why I had another red bleed. It seems like I can't even make it 24 hours without having a full out red bleed. I don't know if this means the SCH is growing or what :( I have also been spending a lot of time on the babycenter SCH board and I don't think that is a good idea because all it does is scare me more and makes me worry about all the things that can go wrong and how if we even make it out of the first trimester this SCH can cause 2nd trimester m/c thanks to PROM or placenta aruption.
I really hope the u/s next week is good. The only thing I have to be relieved about is that it isn't ectopic or blighted ovum so I don't have those worries, but I am still scared shitless that the heart will stop and there is nothing I can do about it.
It is worse since dh has told me we aren't cycling again so if this pregnancy fails there is no more 2nd chance :(
DH has been a real jerk today. First he makes me stop at Burger King on the way home from our call today. Since we did well on the call and I needed to pee, I agreed. Well he threw a fit in the restaurant about wanting a drink (however he never ordered one) and stormed out. Seriously it is like he has PMS. Then I ask him to clean the litter box and he freaks out about some of the cat shit falling outside the garbage by accident. He then starts claiming how tired he is and how he is convinced he has lyme disease. It really pisses me off because if he was so tired he wouldn't be able to play his xbox at all. I really think he is addicted to that thing and he throws a fit whenever I ask him to do anything else. It is really annoying me, especially now with me being limited on what I can do. Sometimes I feel like an only parent and really dh should be supportive of me and waiting on me instead all he has done today is raise my blood pressure. On the way to the call this morning he forgot to bring the cooler bag out with the vaccines so after we were half way there we had to drive back home to grab it. Well dh starts yelling and we argue in the car which I really didn't need.
I know a lot of it is related to his ADHD and now thanks to his psychicist leaving who knows when his meds will be increased. He was given a 3 page list 6 weeks ago to find another doctor - has he found one - nope. Oh and he also had yesterday off work so it isn't like he is so busy he couldn't do these things, nope yesterday after he took the car for an oil change he sat and played the xbox all day. I tried not to complain though because I knew he needed to come with me on this big call today and he also has to go grocery shopping this week since I can't now unfortunately. I now think the reason why dh didn't want me to get pregnant again was because he knew he would have to take on more responsiblity around the house here and he didn't want to do that.
I don't think dh is a bad man, just think the xbox and ADHD is not a good mix and neither are helping him at all and it is just so frustrating.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
6w1d
So bleeding and spotting stopped yesterday before bed and so far so good, but I am not holding my breathe since this same thing happened on Tuesday and then I started bleeding again at noon.
I have a big housecall to do tomorrow so I really hope the blood stays away since I can't not do the job since it will bring in as much as $400 for a couple of hours of work.
I tried calling my ob's office today to make an appt for next Friday or the following Tuesday. I told the receptionist I was 6 weeks pregnant from ivf and I am high risk and have a hematoma and should hopefully be discharged from the RE next Thursday. She then asked if I would like to go to the Bridgewater or Raynham office. I said it didn't matter, which ever I could get in soonest.
She then gives me a date of August 24. WHAT! Didn't see just hear me I am high risk and have a SCH I need to be seen weekly and sent to a peri by 11 weeks. I can't wait 4 weeks to just see an ob. I tell her this and then she tells me she can't schedule me until I get the discharge papers from the RE saying I need to be seen more often and I am high risk and that the doctor is going to be away for a few weeks and she can't send me to the peri until she sees me first. Okay does anyone else see a problem with this?
How am I suppose to get my discharge papers next Thursday, sent them to the ob in time before she goes on vacation, be seen so I can be sent to the peri by 11 weeks. So now I don't know what to do. I am going to have to have a talk with my RE next Thursday and see if she can write me a note that I can take to the ob right away to get in or be sent straight to a peri so I can be seen within a week of discharge. I can't wait and since I am bleeding and had a previous m/c at 8 weeks as well as a failing placenta at 11 weeks I need to be seen right away and I don't care how far I have to travel. Don't really want to have to go to the ER every week to have a scan since a doctor won't see me.
I really hope this matter gets straightened out, but I guess for now there is nothing I can do about it but just wait until next Thursday. Speaking of next Thursday I was getting a bit worried about going to Boston afterwards for my oath ceremony, but I can't change the date nor do I want to because I could get a worst date and time. I asked MIL if she still had her mother's wheel chair and she does so I am happy. So I am going to borrow it next week so I won't have to worry about walking around Boston and causing a larger bleed. Now I just hope I can actually fit into the chair because it is a very narrow wheelchair and I have wide hips.
I have a big housecall to do tomorrow so I really hope the blood stays away since I can't not do the job since it will bring in as much as $400 for a couple of hours of work.
I tried calling my ob's office today to make an appt for next Friday or the following Tuesday. I told the receptionist I was 6 weeks pregnant from ivf and I am high risk and have a hematoma and should hopefully be discharged from the RE next Thursday. She then asked if I would like to go to the Bridgewater or Raynham office. I said it didn't matter, which ever I could get in soonest.
She then gives me a date of August 24. WHAT! Didn't see just hear me I am high risk and have a SCH I need to be seen weekly and sent to a peri by 11 weeks. I can't wait 4 weeks to just see an ob. I tell her this and then she tells me she can't schedule me until I get the discharge papers from the RE saying I need to be seen more often and I am high risk and that the doctor is going to be away for a few weeks and she can't send me to the peri until she sees me first. Okay does anyone else see a problem with this?
How am I suppose to get my discharge papers next Thursday, sent them to the ob in time before she goes on vacation, be seen so I can be sent to the peri by 11 weeks. So now I don't know what to do. I am going to have to have a talk with my RE next Thursday and see if she can write me a note that I can take to the ob right away to get in or be sent straight to a peri so I can be seen within a week of discharge. I can't wait and since I am bleeding and had a previous m/c at 8 weeks as well as a failing placenta at 11 weeks I need to be seen right away and I don't care how far I have to travel. Don't really want to have to go to the ER every week to have a scan since a doctor won't see me.
I really hope this matter gets straightened out, but I guess for now there is nothing I can do about it but just wait until next Thursday. Speaking of next Thursday I was getting a bit worried about going to Boston afterwards for my oath ceremony, but I can't change the date nor do I want to because I could get a worst date and time. I asked MIL if she still had her mother's wheel chair and she does so I am happy. So I am going to borrow it next week so I won't have to worry about walking around Boston and causing a larger bleed. Now I just hope I can actually fit into the chair because it is a very narrow wheelchair and I have wide hips.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
6 weeks
So I had to go for a repeat beta and u/s this morning. I was very worried since this was going to be the deciding factor in what is going on and whether things are still okay.
My beta went from 12177 on Monday to 17817 today which equals a 87 hour doubling time so normal for betas in this range.
On the u/s there is one baby measuring right on track with a hb of 110 so I was overjoyed.
There is an area above the baby which the bleeding is coming from. They said either vanishing twin or SCH, I am pretty sure it is a SCH because I don't think vanishing twins cause bleeds very much.
So like I figured I am dealing with another SCH. So good news in that I am not miscarrying, however I am not out of the clear yet. I need to take things easy and pray the SCH resolves quickly and doesn't grow larger.
The nurse told me to d/c the baby aspirin but I don't feel comfortable with this. From all the research I read it seems that this is a heavily debated subject. For my last pregnancy I developed a SCH at 8 weeks and stopped the ba immediately and though the SCH resolved quickly ds's placenta died shortly after that causing iugr and his death and then me ultimately getting PE. Though the BA may make a SCH more likely, I seriously blame stopping it in causing ds's death. I also blame a clot for causing my first m/c. That pregnancy I was never on BA and I never developed a SCH, but the baby died after a perfect u/s just before 7 weeks when the RE said my chance of m/c was only 5% after seeing a good hb. I know many people m/c past 7 weeks, but most of those are due to chromosome problems. My baby was chromsomally normal, though they would never admit to this since she came back as female they say they don't know if it was mine tissue that got tested by mistake.
However because of this and everything that happened with my last pregnancy I know my blood clots easily with pregnancy and stopping BA this early is too much of a risk.
I go back for a repeat u/s and hopefully d/c from the RE next Thursday morning. I wasn't happy with this at first since I have my oath ceremony next Thursday, but I think it will be okay since the u/s is at 9 in Providence and then we will talk with the doctor and my oath is at 12 in Boston so as long as we are out of there by 10 it should work out okay just as long as my u/s ends up being good. So next Thursday is going to be a very packed stressful day. So not looking forward to it.
Had to tell the SLP today that I am pregnant. Hate having to tell people this early, but I didn't want her to wonder why the place is a mess and I am not stopping dd from doing things. I didn't want her to think I was a bad mother or something, just that medically I can not do certain things right now.
My beta went from 12177 on Monday to 17817 today which equals a 87 hour doubling time so normal for betas in this range.
On the u/s there is one baby measuring right on track with a hb of 110 so I was overjoyed.
There is an area above the baby which the bleeding is coming from. They said either vanishing twin or SCH, I am pretty sure it is a SCH because I don't think vanishing twins cause bleeds very much.
So like I figured I am dealing with another SCH. So good news in that I am not miscarrying, however I am not out of the clear yet. I need to take things easy and pray the SCH resolves quickly and doesn't grow larger.
The nurse told me to d/c the baby aspirin but I don't feel comfortable with this. From all the research I read it seems that this is a heavily debated subject. For my last pregnancy I developed a SCH at 8 weeks and stopped the ba immediately and though the SCH resolved quickly ds's placenta died shortly after that causing iugr and his death and then me ultimately getting PE. Though the BA may make a SCH more likely, I seriously blame stopping it in causing ds's death. I also blame a clot for causing my first m/c. That pregnancy I was never on BA and I never developed a SCH, but the baby died after a perfect u/s just before 7 weeks when the RE said my chance of m/c was only 5% after seeing a good hb. I know many people m/c past 7 weeks, but most of those are due to chromosome problems. My baby was chromsomally normal, though they would never admit to this since she came back as female they say they don't know if it was mine tissue that got tested by mistake.
However because of this and everything that happened with my last pregnancy I know my blood clots easily with pregnancy and stopping BA this early is too much of a risk.
I go back for a repeat u/s and hopefully d/c from the RE next Thursday morning. I wasn't happy with this at first since I have my oath ceremony next Thursday, but I think it will be okay since the u/s is at 9 in Providence and then we will talk with the doctor and my oath is at 12 in Boston so as long as we are out of there by 10 it should work out okay just as long as my u/s ends up being good. So next Thursday is going to be a very packed stressful day. So not looking forward to it.
Had to tell the SLP today that I am pregnant. Hate having to tell people this early, but I didn't want her to wonder why the place is a mess and I am not stopping dd from doing things. I didn't want her to think I was a bad mother or something, just that medically I can not do certain things right now.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
5w6d update
So nurse called this morning. It went straight to voicemail so I think my phone wasn't picking up reception at that point in time - I seem to have horrible reception in our place.
Anyways yesterday number was 12,177. She then said that the doctor wants me to come back and do another beta tomorrow and u/s because of the bleeding and rule out ectopic.
So I immediately thought of the worst until I went onto betabase and saw that I had a 74.16 hr doubling time from the previous result of 2533 7 days before and that 12,000 was a good number for 26dpo. So then I got pissed that they made it sound like it was a bad number when it is actually doubling faster than the average time. From 1200-6000 it is suppose to double between 72-96 hrs and a beta over 6000 has over a 96hr doubling time, so my 74.16hr sounds very good.
I was feeling very confident and happy since the bleeding/spotting had stopped and then I went to the bathroom at noon and had another bleeding episode. I thought oh great not again. DD had school this afternoon and I really didn't want to keep her home another day since she missed it last week and missed her therapies yesterday. Luckily FIL was home because his car overheated so I had him come with me to take dd to school and back. That way I got to just sit in the car without worry about standing or walking or lifting dd.
I am almost positive this is a sch now with the on and off again bleeding and spotting. If it was a m/c I am pretty sure the bleeding would just get heavier instead of start and stop. Of course this only makes me feel a little bit better since I don't know how long this is going to go on for and I can't stay on the couch forever. Right now I have to work on Friday and Monday, not to mention my oath ceremony next Thursday and I can't change these things.
I'm just pissed I am already dealing with complication this early in this pregnancy. You would think after all the IF and ivf crap that I could catch a break. All I want is just a normal easy pregnancy. Heck I think I would even take severe m/s over this sch issue and worrying every time I go to the bathroom and what it is doing to the baby.
The only good news is I get an u/s tomorrow. Normally I would be worried at the u/s, but I really need an answer to this bleeding problem and since it is still early I am not worried if we don't see a hb yet since I will only be 6 weeks which is just on the cusp of when things are first seen.
I am a bit more worried about tomorrow's beta, but trying to remain confident that the number will continue to rise and this isn't a m/c.
Anyways yesterday number was 12,177. She then said that the doctor wants me to come back and do another beta tomorrow and u/s because of the bleeding and rule out ectopic.
So I immediately thought of the worst until I went onto betabase and saw that I had a 74.16 hr doubling time from the previous result of 2533 7 days before and that 12,000 was a good number for 26dpo. So then I got pissed that they made it sound like it was a bad number when it is actually doubling faster than the average time. From 1200-6000 it is suppose to double between 72-96 hrs and a beta over 6000 has over a 96hr doubling time, so my 74.16hr sounds very good.
I was feeling very confident and happy since the bleeding/spotting had stopped and then I went to the bathroom at noon and had another bleeding episode. I thought oh great not again. DD had school this afternoon and I really didn't want to keep her home another day since she missed it last week and missed her therapies yesterday. Luckily FIL was home because his car overheated so I had him come with me to take dd to school and back. That way I got to just sit in the car without worry about standing or walking or lifting dd.
I am almost positive this is a sch now with the on and off again bleeding and spotting. If it was a m/c I am pretty sure the bleeding would just get heavier instead of start and stop. Of course this only makes me feel a little bit better since I don't know how long this is going to go on for and I can't stay on the couch forever. Right now I have to work on Friday and Monday, not to mention my oath ceremony next Thursday and I can't change these things.
I'm just pissed I am already dealing with complication this early in this pregnancy. You would think after all the IF and ivf crap that I could catch a break. All I want is just a normal easy pregnancy. Heck I think I would even take severe m/s over this sch issue and worrying every time I go to the bathroom and what it is doing to the baby.
The only good news is I get an u/s tomorrow. Normally I would be worried at the u/s, but I really need an answer to this bleeding problem and since it is still early I am not worried if we don't see a hb yet since I will only be 6 weeks which is just on the cusp of when things are first seen.
I am a bit more worried about tomorrow's beta, but trying to remain confident that the number will continue to rise and this isn't a m/c.
5w6d
So after researching on google and asking people I decided to up my dose of progesterone last night since the bleeding stopped after the crinone at 1:30am and I only had tiny tiny amount of brown spotting all day. I increased my dose from 1cc to 1.5 cc thinking it can't hurt and may help and am happy to report I had no bleeding or spotting overnight.
This morning though I inserted another crinone and it was fine when I pulled it out - no sign of blood on the tip, but now 2 hours later when using the bathroom I am having brown crinone mixed discharge. I am not freaky out since it is brown and with the crinone gunk so it could be from irritated cervix.
I am still going to lay low the next few days and not lift dd until an u/s shows no sign of a sch.
I never got the results of my beta yet from yesterday because the machines were down so now I have to wait for them to call today for the results and if and when an u/s will be. I am worried only because I have no idea what my beta is and hope it has risen apporately. It should have been a min of 10 thousand yesterday, and really around 15,000 so if it is lower I will be upset.
I am trying to hope this bleeding and spotting isn't a bad sign, but just a sch (though I know sch aren't without risk, but it is much better than a m/c). I am trying to rely on the fact that bleeding is very common with ivf pregnancies. I saw a stat that said as high as 75% of ivf pregnancies bleed or spot at some point in the first trimester and that 2/3 of ivf pregnancies have SCH. This is better stat then all the pregnancy sites that say bleeding/spotting in pregnancy only happens in 1/3 of cases and 50% of those turn out to be bad news.
This morning though I inserted another crinone and it was fine when I pulled it out - no sign of blood on the tip, but now 2 hours later when using the bathroom I am having brown crinone mixed discharge. I am not freaky out since it is brown and with the crinone gunk so it could be from irritated cervix.
I am still going to lay low the next few days and not lift dd until an u/s shows no sign of a sch.
I never got the results of my beta yet from yesterday because the machines were down so now I have to wait for them to call today for the results and if and when an u/s will be. I am worried only because I have no idea what my beta is and hope it has risen apporately. It should have been a min of 10 thousand yesterday, and really around 15,000 so if it is lower I will be upset.
I am trying to hope this bleeding and spotting isn't a bad sign, but just a sch (though I know sch aren't without risk, but it is much better than a m/c). I am trying to rely on the fact that bleeding is very common with ivf pregnancies. I saw a stat that said as high as 75% of ivf pregnancies bleed or spot at some point in the first trimester and that 2/3 of ivf pregnancies have SCH. This is better stat then all the pregnancy sites that say bleeding/spotting in pregnancy only happens in 1/3 of cases and 50% of those turn out to be bad news.
Monday, July 16, 2012
5w5d
I wanted to make a happy post this morning about the bleeding/spotting stopping.
Things died down yesterday with only red/pink spotting in the morning that then turned to red/brown spotting and by noon just brown discharge.
I napped from 12-2 yesterday afternoon and there was no blood or spotting at 2, then a tiny tiny bit of red streak at 4, then nothing the rest of the afternoon or evening.
I went to bed at 8:40 last night and thought for a moment to take off the pad I was wearing all day since it appeared that the episode was over, but decided against it and lucky I did.
I woke up just after midnight and when I went to the bathroom I saw I bleed a bit onto the pad and a bit on my underwear where the pad didn't cover that went through my pj bottoms. Not sure how I always managed to bleed outside of the pad no matter how big of a pad I put on.
The bleeding wasn't heavy, but it was red bleeding. I would label it as a light flow, and if I didn't know I was pregnant I would say AF arrived.
After this it was very difficult to go back to bed again. It isn't good that the bleeding picked back up and this time there was a flow. I repeated going to the bathroom at 1 and 2 and there was still a very light flow into the toilet but no more on the pad. At this point I decided to put in a crinone just incase my progesterone was low. I know crinone won't affect a blood draw and figured it was the min I could do to try and save this pregnancy. The crinone appicator was bloody when I pulled it out which rules out the blood coming from another location other than my uterus.
The good news is after the crinone the bleeding stopped and the spotting turned brown and also slowed down. I don't know what to make all of this. Is my progesterone too low? Am I subconsciously or consciously trying to prevent a m/c, however when I am asleep and the resistance goes down is when the blood comes because I can't stop it. I know this sounds stupid because no matter how hard a person tries they can't keep AF or a m/c away, but I just don't understand why the bleeding is only happening at that time when I am in bed fast asleep. Meanwhile when I am awake it dies down and even stops.
I had to go for my third beta today. I am praying for a good number, but not quick sure a beta today will tell me much since my last one was 7 days ago. Unless it is below 2533 or not much higher I don't think a conclusion can really be drawn. I asked if my progesterone will be checked since I have the bleeding episodes. The secretory said that they will see and if they do they can just run it off the same sample as the hcg.
DD was suppose to go for her therapies down the cape today, but I just called and cancelled. I figure it wasn't worth the risk and I really want to be home here when the nurse calls. I also cancelled mine and dh's counselling session for tomorrow so this way I can stay on bedrest for the next day and a half. I figure if it is a SCH I want to be lying down as much as possible and if it is a m/c I don't want to be out and around people.
DH has told me that this is it. That he is done with this ivf stuff and if this pregnancy doesn't work out he is not doing this ever again. I don't blame him though. I think most people will feel this way. After already having two losses with two pregnancies and failed ivf's, it is more stress than anybody should ever have to take. I am just pissed that I am not even 6 weeks yet and we are already dealing with major complications. Why can't I ever have a normal care free pregnancy? The only thing I am holding on to is the hope everything will be okay. My two losses happened with no external signs. Meanwhile whenever I had bleeding or spotting in pregnancy everything was always okay with baby. Of course this doesn't stop me from freaking out when I see blood and wishing it would stop, I just try to keep reminding myself that it doesn't mean it is the end. I haven't had large bleeding, clots, or cramps so that is a good sign.
Things died down yesterday with only red/pink spotting in the morning that then turned to red/brown spotting and by noon just brown discharge.
I napped from 12-2 yesterday afternoon and there was no blood or spotting at 2, then a tiny tiny bit of red streak at 4, then nothing the rest of the afternoon or evening.
I went to bed at 8:40 last night and thought for a moment to take off the pad I was wearing all day since it appeared that the episode was over, but decided against it and lucky I did.
I woke up just after midnight and when I went to the bathroom I saw I bleed a bit onto the pad and a bit on my underwear where the pad didn't cover that went through my pj bottoms. Not sure how I always managed to bleed outside of the pad no matter how big of a pad I put on.
The bleeding wasn't heavy, but it was red bleeding. I would label it as a light flow, and if I didn't know I was pregnant I would say AF arrived.
After this it was very difficult to go back to bed again. It isn't good that the bleeding picked back up and this time there was a flow. I repeated going to the bathroom at 1 and 2 and there was still a very light flow into the toilet but no more on the pad. At this point I decided to put in a crinone just incase my progesterone was low. I know crinone won't affect a blood draw and figured it was the min I could do to try and save this pregnancy. The crinone appicator was bloody when I pulled it out which rules out the blood coming from another location other than my uterus.
The good news is after the crinone the bleeding stopped and the spotting turned brown and also slowed down. I don't know what to make all of this. Is my progesterone too low? Am I subconsciously or consciously trying to prevent a m/c, however when I am asleep and the resistance goes down is when the blood comes because I can't stop it. I know this sounds stupid because no matter how hard a person tries they can't keep AF or a m/c away, but I just don't understand why the bleeding is only happening at that time when I am in bed fast asleep. Meanwhile when I am awake it dies down and even stops.
I had to go for my third beta today. I am praying for a good number, but not quick sure a beta today will tell me much since my last one was 7 days ago. Unless it is below 2533 or not much higher I don't think a conclusion can really be drawn. I asked if my progesterone will be checked since I have the bleeding episodes. The secretory said that they will see and if they do they can just run it off the same sample as the hcg.
DD was suppose to go for her therapies down the cape today, but I just called and cancelled. I figure it wasn't worth the risk and I really want to be home here when the nurse calls. I also cancelled mine and dh's counselling session for tomorrow so this way I can stay on bedrest for the next day and a half. I figure if it is a SCH I want to be lying down as much as possible and if it is a m/c I don't want to be out and around people.
DH has told me that this is it. That he is done with this ivf stuff and if this pregnancy doesn't work out he is not doing this ever again. I don't blame him though. I think most people will feel this way. After already having two losses with two pregnancies and failed ivf's, it is more stress than anybody should ever have to take. I am just pissed that I am not even 6 weeks yet and we are already dealing with major complications. Why can't I ever have a normal care free pregnancy? The only thing I am holding on to is the hope everything will be okay. My two losses happened with no external signs. Meanwhile whenever I had bleeding or spotting in pregnancy everything was always okay with baby. Of course this doesn't stop me from freaking out when I see blood and wishing it would stop, I just try to keep reminding myself that it doesn't mean it is the end. I haven't had large bleeding, clots, or cramps so that is a good sign.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
5w4d and red spotting/bleeding
Yesterday was my nephew's 2nd birthday party. Everything went well except it being very hot. I ended up having to sit down the whole time because I got too whoosie if I was standing.
MIL went and told everyone about the pregnancy so I had everyone ask me about the pregnancy and how far I was. I hated doing this since it feels weird saying 5 and a half weeks to strangers, however I couldn't lie and say I wasn't pregnant when people asked.
Anyways everything was going well. I was tired last night from not getting my afternoon nap so I went to bed at 8:20. At 10:10 I woke up needing to pee very very badly. Went to the bathroom and had a very long pee with very dilute urine so I am thinking my bladder was extremely full. Anyways, when I wiped afterwards there was red/pinkish spotting. I immediately freaked. This time I can't blame it on straining. I prayed it is just a SCH and will resolve. I mean my betas have been super high and I am on PIO so even if I did m/c I shouldn't be bleeding. I went and got my phone and was googling about red spotting at 5 weeks. Just before midnight I had to pee again and this time some blood flowed into the toilet. It was very difficult to fall to sleep after this, but I think I finally doozed off again at 1:30. Woke up to pee at 4:30, this time no blood in the toilet but still red spotting when I wiped. This continued at 5:30 and just before 7.
I don't know what to think. Since it is Sunday I don't think there is anything anyone can do for me. I go for my third scheduled beta tomorrow so I am sure this is what the oncall doctor will say if I call. It just upsets me that I have to deal with this and now I am struck on the couch for the day. I don't know how I am going to handle this since I really need to do landry and a few loads of dishes today since nothing has been done for the past few days. DH is working 14 hours today and then has a staff meeting tomorrow morning so I will need to bring dd to the RE for the blood draw tomorrow. Luckily FIL is home today so hopefully I can get his help with lifting dd for stuff, but that is just for today, tomorrow I will have no choice but to lift her, etc and if this is a SCH it can takes weeks to resolve. I really hope this is a SCH because at this point it is the better of the two options that it could be.
MIL went and told everyone about the pregnancy so I had everyone ask me about the pregnancy and how far I was. I hated doing this since it feels weird saying 5 and a half weeks to strangers, however I couldn't lie and say I wasn't pregnant when people asked.
Anyways everything was going well. I was tired last night from not getting my afternoon nap so I went to bed at 8:20. At 10:10 I woke up needing to pee very very badly. Went to the bathroom and had a very long pee with very dilute urine so I am thinking my bladder was extremely full. Anyways, when I wiped afterwards there was red/pinkish spotting. I immediately freaked. This time I can't blame it on straining. I prayed it is just a SCH and will resolve. I mean my betas have been super high and I am on PIO so even if I did m/c I shouldn't be bleeding. I went and got my phone and was googling about red spotting at 5 weeks. Just before midnight I had to pee again and this time some blood flowed into the toilet. It was very difficult to fall to sleep after this, but I think I finally doozed off again at 1:30. Woke up to pee at 4:30, this time no blood in the toilet but still red spotting when I wiped. This continued at 5:30 and just before 7.
I don't know what to think. Since it is Sunday I don't think there is anything anyone can do for me. I go for my third scheduled beta tomorrow so I am sure this is what the oncall doctor will say if I call. It just upsets me that I have to deal with this and now I am struck on the couch for the day. I don't know how I am going to handle this since I really need to do landry and a few loads of dishes today since nothing has been done for the past few days. DH is working 14 hours today and then has a staff meeting tomorrow morning so I will need to bring dd to the RE for the blood draw tomorrow. Luckily FIL is home today so hopefully I can get his help with lifting dd for stuff, but that is just for today, tomorrow I will have no choice but to lift her, etc and if this is a SCH it can takes weeks to resolve. I really hope this is a SCH because at this point it is the better of the two options that it could be.
Friday, July 13, 2012
5w2d
Well the spotting yesterday stopped shortly after it started. The more I think about it I am pretty sure it was just from straining too hard and irritating my cervix. I have to remember from now on not to push too hard.
I have a good feeling about this pregnancy and that is why I couldn't believe the spotting could be bad yesterday. Same thing happened with my last pregnancy when I spotted at 6 weeks from straining too much as well, and the SCH at 8 weeks. Though both times were scary, I knew deep down that everything would be fine and it was. However my first pregnancy I had no sign that anything could be wrong, but I couldn't let mysef be happy with that pregnancy. I mean I was overjoyed to be pregnant and it did shock me when we lost the baby, but I think because everything moved so fast - doing ivf before it had even been a year and getting pregnant the first cycle it just all seemed to go too perfect and I felt out of place. That I couldn't relate to other pregnant women and I couldn't hang out on the infertile boards like I used to. I felt completely isolated. It wasn't like that with my last pregnancy, or this time either.
I really think this will be our THB. Though saying that it doesn't eliminate all the fears and I am terrified, just trying to take each day at a time and be assured that this pregnancy will work and it will go better than last time.
My mom phoned again last night. I hate having to talk to her because I can't say anything yet and I feel like I'm lying by holding back the pregnancy news. However, I just can't take telling her yet since I know how unsupportive she has been about us trying again and doing ivf. When I told her about my last pregnancy and the twins, her immediate response was "Just great, now what are you going to do trying to care for two babies at the same time?" Needless to say it took until I was 6 months along for me to talk to her again on a regular basis.
I have a good feeling about this pregnancy and that is why I couldn't believe the spotting could be bad yesterday. Same thing happened with my last pregnancy when I spotted at 6 weeks from straining too much as well, and the SCH at 8 weeks. Though both times were scary, I knew deep down that everything would be fine and it was. However my first pregnancy I had no sign that anything could be wrong, but I couldn't let mysef be happy with that pregnancy. I mean I was overjoyed to be pregnant and it did shock me when we lost the baby, but I think because everything moved so fast - doing ivf before it had even been a year and getting pregnant the first cycle it just all seemed to go too perfect and I felt out of place. That I couldn't relate to other pregnant women and I couldn't hang out on the infertile boards like I used to. I felt completely isolated. It wasn't like that with my last pregnancy, or this time either.
I really think this will be our THB. Though saying that it doesn't eliminate all the fears and I am terrified, just trying to take each day at a time and be assured that this pregnancy will work and it will go better than last time.
My mom phoned again last night. I hate having to talk to her because I can't say anything yet and I feel like I'm lying by holding back the pregnancy news. However, I just can't take telling her yet since I know how unsupportive she has been about us trying again and doing ivf. When I told her about my last pregnancy and the twins, her immediate response was "Just great, now what are you going to do trying to care for two babies at the same time?" Needless to say it took until I was 6 months along for me to talk to her again on a regular basis.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
5w1d scare
I woke up this morning shortly before 6 with a major scare. I had done my 2nd pee for the night at 5:30am and then tried to lie back down, but realized I needed to go #2 so back to the bathroom I went. I had to strain a bit, but didn't think much about it until afterwards when I wiped my front and noticed pinkish spotting. I immediately freaked out.
For the next hour I had on and off abdominal cramps and so had to go back to the bathroom multiple times. (sorry tmi - now my stool is extremely loose). The spotting seems to have died down, but it still has me worried.
I am trying to tell myself that it likely was from having to strain too much the first time and probably bursting some blood vessels in my cervix. I hope this is the case. Other possiblity is a SCH which I hope isn't the case because those can be scary, though not as scary as m/c. I am telling myself it can't be a m/c because my hcg was over 2500 just 3 days ago. Even if it was going down, I can't see it being low enough to cause bleeding already.
I had a similar experience with my last pregnancy at 6 weeks that also happened after a BM and went away just as quickly as it came, though then I ended up with a SCH 2 weeks later and ds's placenta failing a few weeks later. I can't be sure that the SCH caused this, but it does way on my mind.
Anyways this spotting does totally ruin my plans for today. I was suppose go to the WIC office this morning to pick up the farmer's market checks. They only give them out one day now and if you miss it tough luck. However, I can't risk going there and the spotting getting worse just for $20.
Then dd has 2 therapists coming this afternoon at 3 and 5:30 and our place is a mess. I don't know what to do and know dh won't do all the cleaning, but I don't want to take the chance of making things worse. As well as I have a client to call late this morning about a sick cat. I tried to refer them out yesterday, but the owner wanted to wait to see how the cat is doing today. Anyways, even if I didn't have the spotting I couldn't fit them in today so I think I am going to give him 2 options - either go to the hospital or if the cat is better wait at home. Really no point in me going out there, charging him $100 and then sending him to the hospital anyways.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
5 weeks
Another week down. I must say though, things are moving really slow right now, I hope things speed up.
I was worried overnight that I don't have many symptoms anymore. It seems besides peeing all the time the only symptom I have is getting tired after 8. However, I think I realized why I feel this way. It is because of the PIO. I take the shot between 7-8 and usually 10 min after the shot the extreme tiredness sets in. I can be feeling great before this.
It is really worrisome because my hcg is high enough I should be feeling some symptoms. I can no longer take hpt since it won't tell me anything new at this stage and I am still at min another month away from being able to use my doppler.
Then my back started hurting during the night, but now I know what it is. It isn't my back, but my left hip. I think when FIL gave my shot last night he may have hit the nerve or something because that spot is killing me today.
I am currently mad at dh. We got into another big fight last night and he refused to give me my shot, so had to get his father to give it. I told him it wasn't his father's job to do it, but his. FIL only does it during the days dh is at work, but when he is home here he should do it. DH was off last night because of my citizenship interview. Anyways, I wish he would have went to work because all he did was sit on the bed and play his xbox all evening and sulk about how horrible his life is. I can't stand people that are always grochy, never happy, and are never appreciate of all that they have. Sometimes I think what is the point with being with dh since he isn't going to change. For the past 5.5 years all I've done was try to improve his life, but he is still always a groch and doesn't want to do anything to help himself. I have to keep naggy him to see if he contracted a psychologist or his school. I know most of it has to do with the ADHD, but it is just so frustrating dealing with someone who only just bitches all day and then sits on his ass and play video games when he could be so much more productive.
I was worried overnight that I don't have many symptoms anymore. It seems besides peeing all the time the only symptom I have is getting tired after 8. However, I think I realized why I feel this way. It is because of the PIO. I take the shot between 7-8 and usually 10 min after the shot the extreme tiredness sets in. I can be feeling great before this.
It is really worrisome because my hcg is high enough I should be feeling some symptoms. I can no longer take hpt since it won't tell me anything new at this stage and I am still at min another month away from being able to use my doppler.
Then my back started hurting during the night, but now I know what it is. It isn't my back, but my left hip. I think when FIL gave my shot last night he may have hit the nerve or something because that spot is killing me today.
I am currently mad at dh. We got into another big fight last night and he refused to give me my shot, so had to get his father to give it. I told him it wasn't his father's job to do it, but his. FIL only does it during the days dh is at work, but when he is home here he should do it. DH was off last night because of my citizenship interview. Anyways, I wish he would have went to work because all he did was sit on the bed and play his xbox all evening and sulk about how horrible his life is. I can't stand people that are always grochy, never happy, and are never appreciate of all that they have. Sometimes I think what is the point with being with dh since he isn't going to change. For the past 5.5 years all I've done was try to improve his life, but he is still always a groch and doesn't want to do anything to help himself. I have to keep naggy him to see if he contracted a psychologist or his school. I know most of it has to do with the ADHD, but it is just so frustrating dealing with someone who only just bitches all day and then sits on his ass and play video games when he could be so much more productive.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
4w6d
I had to get up this morning at 5 for my citizenship interview and test. I went to bed last night at 9 after getting all my stuff ready and then had to get for the first time shortly after 12 to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I had a real hard time falling asleep after this. I never looked at the clock because it just stresses me out even more when having insomina, but I think I probably fell back asleep at 3:30 and then woke up again just before 5 to get up.
Luckily this lack of sleep didn't cause much trouble. We arrived around 8:15 and I got called back shortly after 9. By 10 we were out of there and on our way home and to pick dd up.
I passed all tests with flying colors and they gave me my oath date. July 26 at noon. I was not expecting it to be this early at all, and since it is so early, not like I can contest the date. I had a doctor's appt booked that day for a new pcp since my old one left. I had to call up and reschedule that appt to now July 31. I can't wait too long to get a new pcp because I don't know if I need one to referral me to a mfm doctor or if my ob can do that. I definately have to get with the peri between 11-13 weeks for the NT scan (hopefully on the earlier side since by 11 weeks last time ds's placenta was already starting to show problems through the bloodwork. By 15 weeks it was dead, so I can't wait too long in case I need something stronger than just the BA).
I also don't know how getting my citizenship so early will affect buying private insurance. I am probably the only person in MA that will qualify for masshealth, but want to pay out of pocket for private insurance in case we lose this pregnancy and need to do ivf again.
I kept dd home from school today since we didn't arrive home until 12:30 and didn't feel like taking her back out in an hour to go to school. It is starting to look like she may not go to school much this month, if I have my u/s on a Tuesday then I will have to keep her out again, and now on the 31st I need to go to the doctors for 3:30 so I don't know what to do with dd. She goes to school from 2-4:30 and it is just down the road from the doctor office so I may play it by ear and either take her out early, or tell them I may be late since this is a new doctor's office, not sure how long it will be.
I am taking her to the library though tomorrow so she will get some time with other kids her age. We missed the last 3 weeks. First because of ER, then the following week I had to work, and then last Wednesday was the 4th. It will be weird going back there now being pregnant. Wonder if all the big pregnat women will still bother me as much, of course some may have given birth so that is something else I will have to contend with.
Luckily this lack of sleep didn't cause much trouble. We arrived around 8:15 and I got called back shortly after 9. By 10 we were out of there and on our way home and to pick dd up.
I passed all tests with flying colors and they gave me my oath date. July 26 at noon. I was not expecting it to be this early at all, and since it is so early, not like I can contest the date. I had a doctor's appt booked that day for a new pcp since my old one left. I had to call up and reschedule that appt to now July 31. I can't wait too long to get a new pcp because I don't know if I need one to referral me to a mfm doctor or if my ob can do that. I definately have to get with the peri between 11-13 weeks for the NT scan (hopefully on the earlier side since by 11 weeks last time ds's placenta was already starting to show problems through the bloodwork. By 15 weeks it was dead, so I can't wait too long in case I need something stronger than just the BA).
I also don't know how getting my citizenship so early will affect buying private insurance. I am probably the only person in MA that will qualify for masshealth, but want to pay out of pocket for private insurance in case we lose this pregnancy and need to do ivf again.
I kept dd home from school today since we didn't arrive home until 12:30 and didn't feel like taking her back out in an hour to go to school. It is starting to look like she may not go to school much this month, if I have my u/s on a Tuesday then I will have to keep her out again, and now on the 31st I need to go to the doctors for 3:30 so I don't know what to do with dd. She goes to school from 2-4:30 and it is just down the road from the doctor office so I may play it by ear and either take her out early, or tell them I may be late since this is a new doctor's office, not sure how long it will be.
I am taking her to the library though tomorrow so she will get some time with other kids her age. We missed the last 3 weeks. First because of ER, then the following week I had to work, and then last Wednesday was the 4th. It will be weird going back there now being pregnant. Wonder if all the big pregnat women will still bother me as much, of course some may have given birth so that is something else I will have to contend with.
Monday, July 9, 2012
today's beta result
2533
So kind of what I expected. Betabase says it is a doubling time of 39.7 hours.
Of course, not sure how accurate that is since the beta was 4 days apart and doubling time usually slows after 1200.
Anyways, it is still a good number and I go back for a third (and hopefully last) beta in one week, by then my number should be over 10,000.
And just for comparison, my twin pregnancy the beta for the day before today was 1996 so not sure what to think since my starting number was so high this time. There can either be two in there or one really powerful singleton.
So kind of what I expected. Betabase says it is a doubling time of 39.7 hours.
Of course, not sure how accurate that is since the beta was 4 days apart and doubling time usually slows after 1200.
Anyways, it is still a good number and I go back for a third (and hopefully last) beta in one week, by then my number should be over 10,000.
And just for comparison, my twin pregnancy the beta for the day before today was 1996 so not sure what to think since my starting number was so high this time. There can either be two in there or one really powerful singleton.
4w5d
I'm now more than half way done with 4 weeks. Took my last frer this morning just after midnight. The test line came up dark right away. 30 seconds later the control line appeared, but lighter than the test line. So I am hoping this is good news. I went for my 2nd beta this morning so hoping for a good number this afternoon. Hopefully at least 2000 since it was almost 500 four days ago.
Everyone was happy for me at the clinic and I am glad that the new thrombologist wasn't there so the secretory got to draw my blood. She has been doing it for my last two cycles, and then a couple months ago they hired a new girl who isn't that great. Anyways, since I had developed such a good relationship over my previous cycles it was nice to have her do my blood this morning. They still aren't checking my progesterone or estrogen which I am surprised about. Maybe because I am on the meds, but I really would like to know what my values are since I have a feeling my progesterone is sky high because of all my symptoms.
This morning I felt very out of it. Basically how I felt after taking the valium or being under anesthesia after the ER. I never thought the fatigue would hit me this bad this early. It really sucks because tomorrow I have my citizenship interview and test and I am freaking out that I will blank for the test answers since my mind is so foggy.
As I was leaving this morning, I had to sign a release form so they can get the records from my twin's birth. I really hope Beth Israel doesn't take to long to release them since I remember how much of a struggle it was to get ds's autopsy report from them.
As I was walking back to my car, I ran into my RE. She asked how I was feeling, I said fine, just tired. I really feel like I am just going through the motions of everything, but can't really think or respond.
I received an emergency euthanasia call yesterday just after lunch, however I don't answer my phone on Sundays or holidays so I never found out until I checked my phone at 9 last night before going to bed. I tried calling the client back this morning after I got back from the SSA office, but there was no answer. I am guessing she is working today. Anyways, I am just praying she someone trapped the cat and brought it into the ER or called animal control because the cat is feral and I really don't feel up to working today (between the tiredness and preparing for my citizenship test tomorrow and getting dd's overnight bag ready for nana's) especially with handling a feral cat that I don't know how handlable it is. I am not at a state right now where I can risk getting myself scratched or bite, especially from a cat that likely isn't up to date on shots.
Everyone was happy for me at the clinic and I am glad that the new thrombologist wasn't there so the secretory got to draw my blood. She has been doing it for my last two cycles, and then a couple months ago they hired a new girl who isn't that great. Anyways, since I had developed such a good relationship over my previous cycles it was nice to have her do my blood this morning. They still aren't checking my progesterone or estrogen which I am surprised about. Maybe because I am on the meds, but I really would like to know what my values are since I have a feeling my progesterone is sky high because of all my symptoms.
This morning I felt very out of it. Basically how I felt after taking the valium or being under anesthesia after the ER. I never thought the fatigue would hit me this bad this early. It really sucks because tomorrow I have my citizenship interview and test and I am freaking out that I will blank for the test answers since my mind is so foggy.
As I was leaving this morning, I had to sign a release form so they can get the records from my twin's birth. I really hope Beth Israel doesn't take to long to release them since I remember how much of a struggle it was to get ds's autopsy report from them.
As I was walking back to my car, I ran into my RE. She asked how I was feeling, I said fine, just tired. I really feel like I am just going through the motions of everything, but can't really think or respond.
I received an emergency euthanasia call yesterday just after lunch, however I don't answer my phone on Sundays or holidays so I never found out until I checked my phone at 9 last night before going to bed. I tried calling the client back this morning after I got back from the SSA office, but there was no answer. I am guessing she is working today. Anyways, I am just praying she someone trapped the cat and brought it into the ER or called animal control because the cat is feral and I really don't feel up to working today (between the tiredness and preparing for my citizenship test tomorrow and getting dd's overnight bag ready for nana's) especially with handling a feral cat that I don't know how handlable it is. I am not at a state right now where I can risk getting myself scratched or bite, especially from a cat that likely isn't up to date on shots.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
4w4d
Well got a new laptop yesterday so now I am happy again. And the good news is since it was over $500 (came to $510 with the 2 year accidental plan) we get 0% financing for 18 months, so we can take our time to pay it off and if another spill or cracked screen happens it will be fixed for free.
So I am getting really worried my symptoms are so strong this time. I know that most people have the opposite problem, and I would admit I would freak too if I didn't feel pregnant, but it does worry me about the strong symptoms and high hcg value that there is two (or more) in there.
This morning I had to stop from changing dd's diaper and get dh to do it because I got extremely nausous and was about to throw up. I never felt this this early in my other pregnancies. Even with my twin pregnancy I didn't have that bad of symptoms except extreme tiredness. I never vomited though did have a number of occasions where I came close and did have nonstop queasiness from 9-14 weeks. This time the queasiness started a week ago and hasn't let up. Though it is still mild, it is concerning if I am feeling this way at 4 and a half weeks, what will I feel like in 2-4 weeks from now.
I am grateful that I got no calls this week and hoping it is the same for this coming week since my schedule is jam packed busy. Tomorrow I have to go down to SSA so who knows how long I will be there. Then Tuesday morning is my citizenship interview and test. So not looking forward to this. We have to leave at like 5:30am in order to arrive in Boston on time and right now my brain is working at 25% performance at best thanks to the severe pregnancy brain.
So I am getting really worried my symptoms are so strong this time. I know that most people have the opposite problem, and I would admit I would freak too if I didn't feel pregnant, but it does worry me about the strong symptoms and high hcg value that there is two (or more) in there.
This morning I had to stop from changing dd's diaper and get dh to do it because I got extremely nausous and was about to throw up. I never felt this this early in my other pregnancies. Even with my twin pregnancy I didn't have that bad of symptoms except extreme tiredness. I never vomited though did have a number of occasions where I came close and did have nonstop queasiness from 9-14 weeks. This time the queasiness started a week ago and hasn't let up. Though it is still mild, it is concerning if I am feeling this way at 4 and a half weeks, what will I feel like in 2-4 weeks from now.
I am grateful that I got no calls this week and hoping it is the same for this coming week since my schedule is jam packed busy. Tomorrow I have to go down to SSA so who knows how long I will be there. Then Tuesday morning is my citizenship interview and test. So not looking forward to this. We have to leave at like 5:30am in order to arrive in Boston on time and right now my brain is working at 25% performance at best thanks to the severe pregnancy brain.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
4w3d
Have to write this on my phone since in the past 2 days both my laptops broke. Wednesday night my old (and right now main laptop because the screen broke on the other one) stopped charging. I am praying it is just the ac adapter since dd spilled my drink on it that morning. My MIL has a similar laptop so I am going to test it when we drop dd off there on Monday. So the last 2 days I have been using my newer (but more broken) laptop. I brought it brand new last July 1. After 7 weeks the dc jack broke and Toshiba wouldn't fix it saying the case was cracked and I needed to pay for that first. So took it to a computer repair shop and paid for the jack repair totally $145. This was a $300 laptop. Then in December I accidentally stepped on it when doing the Christmas decorations. After this time I tried to use it as little as possible to keep the screen from getting worse. This worked and there was only a small spot in the upper left corner that was gone. Anyways dh wakes me at 11:30 last night bitching saying he spilled his milk on the laptop and it is ruined and he was leaving. I told him or no your not and you will pay for a replacement. We had a big fight last night because if this since the only thing dh has of any worth is his Xbox and games. And since video game prices usually drop instead of rise it isn't worth much even though he owns like 50 games.
Because of this I then ended up having a very hard time falling back to sleep. It took me almost 4 hours to get back to sleep so in total I really only had around 6 hours of sleep last night broken up into two parts.
Anyways today is a better day and I gave dh the option to work an extra week instead of selling his Xbox. At first he did not agree with this saying I should just use the bonus money he got last month. Sorry but that money has already been used to pay for bills we were behind on. Anyways he eventually agreed to this though it may not change his end date at all thanks to vacation time. However as long as he brings in $350 in September either from using vacation time or from selling stuff I don't care. So we are off to best buy this morning to buy me a new laptop. I told him that I will pay for an accidental plan this time because I dont want this to ever happen again. So the laptop will cost around $500, but dh will only need to pay $350 of it. The good news is BB has a 6 month 0 financing option so we will likely do that and I told dh it will be under his name so he can't just walk away from it.
In other news I think dd's SSI got approved. I am kind of shocked about this because I just signed the release form like 3 weeks ago and really wasn't expecting it to be approved at all. The case worker called yesterday asking for Junes wages and statements saying her case came back approved so I don't know what to think, but I have to go down there now Monday morning to submit the stuff. I really hope this is true because we can really use the money especially with dh going back to school in September and quitting his job.
I took another frer at just before 1 when I tried to go back to bed and am happy to report that the test line is now darker than the control line. Of course I am not surprised by that since my hcg is probably around 1000 now. I will test one last time on Monday morning before going for my 2nd beta.
Because of this I then ended up having a very hard time falling back to sleep. It took me almost 4 hours to get back to sleep so in total I really only had around 6 hours of sleep last night broken up into two parts.
Anyways today is a better day and I gave dh the option to work an extra week instead of selling his Xbox. At first he did not agree with this saying I should just use the bonus money he got last month. Sorry but that money has already been used to pay for bills we were behind on. Anyways he eventually agreed to this though it may not change his end date at all thanks to vacation time. However as long as he brings in $350 in September either from using vacation time or from selling stuff I don't care. So we are off to best buy this morning to buy me a new laptop. I told him that I will pay for an accidental plan this time because I dont want this to ever happen again. So the laptop will cost around $500, but dh will only need to pay $350 of it. The good news is BB has a 6 month 0 financing option so we will likely do that and I told dh it will be under his name so he can't just walk away from it.
In other news I think dd's SSI got approved. I am kind of shocked about this because I just signed the release form like 3 weeks ago and really wasn't expecting it to be approved at all. The case worker called yesterday asking for Junes wages and statements saying her case came back approved so I don't know what to think, but I have to go down there now Monday morning to submit the stuff. I really hope this is true because we can really use the money especially with dh going back to school in September and quitting his job.
I took another frer at just before 1 when I tried to go back to bed and am happy to report that the test line is now darker than the control line. Of course I am not surprised by that since my hcg is probably around 1000 now. I will test one last time on Monday morning before going for my 2nd beta.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Worried about twins
So after yesterday's high beta I have been googling and it seems that my number is higher than a high number for a singleton. I think American pregnancy lists a beta range of 5-430 as normal for 15dpo with average being 150-200. Well my 474 is above this. Also one I look back at my last two pregnancies my number is much more in line with my twin pregnancy than the singleton.
Singleton pregnancy: 14dpo- 130, 17dpo- 665
Twin pregnancy: 14dpo- 285, 18dpo- 1996
Yesterday's number of 474 at 15dpo falls right in the range of what may twin pregnancy may have been. I am worried about this because I don't want a repeat of last pregnacy. Also I am now working and so I can't just take months off work for bedrest since I am self employed. My plan for this pregnancy was to just shut the clinic down for one month and then the following month work like one day a week. Since it will be during the down winter time it should work out okay. This will be perfect for a low key singleton pregnacy, but not a high risk twin one.
Also even if I did make it to birth, we definately can not handle the fiancial or space needed for twins. I know we couldn't 3 years ago either, but we would have been able to manage with one set of twins as our only children, now we already have one child so added two babies on top of that is almost impossible.
I know some people say I should have thought about this before we made the choice to transfer two, but really when you are put in that position with a previous failure and a cancelled cycle and this was our one last shot before our insurance renewed, and being DOR, we really had no choice. If we made it to a day 5 transfer we definately would have only transferred one, but at day 3 my clinic recommends two since most day 3's don't make it to blast and it is very doubtful that the 2nd embryo would make it to freezing quality.
Anyways, to scare me even further my RE just called me. Guess she is worried about both embryos taken too and was asking me about the twin's birth. She wanted to know if ds was delivered at 21 weeks. I said no I carried him until it was time for the c-section. She then I think wanted to know what kind of c-section it was. I am guessing a vertical (classical) compared to a horizontal. She didn't say these exact words, but I was getting the drift of what she meant and likely why she wanted to know this. I told her I didn't know and gave her the name of the hospital I gave birth in so she will try and get the records. I think she is worried if it was a vertical c-section that my uterus may not be able to handle carrying multiples to term. I am not sure, but I know there is a risk of uterine tearing with a classical incision that is why you can't have a VBAC if you have one done. Vertical incisions are much more common with premature birth since the uterus is smaller so there is a likely chance that I had one given birth at 31 weeks. I'm not 100% sure though since nobody told me either way and I figure they would if they did since it is a serious matter with giving birth again.
Singleton pregnancy: 14dpo- 130, 17dpo- 665
Twin pregnancy: 14dpo- 285, 18dpo- 1996
Yesterday's number of 474 at 15dpo falls right in the range of what may twin pregnancy may have been. I am worried about this because I don't want a repeat of last pregnacy. Also I am now working and so I can't just take months off work for bedrest since I am self employed. My plan for this pregnancy was to just shut the clinic down for one month and then the following month work like one day a week. Since it will be during the down winter time it should work out okay. This will be perfect for a low key singleton pregnacy, but not a high risk twin one.
Also even if I did make it to birth, we definately can not handle the fiancial or space needed for twins. I know we couldn't 3 years ago either, but we would have been able to manage with one set of twins as our only children, now we already have one child so added two babies on top of that is almost impossible.
I know some people say I should have thought about this before we made the choice to transfer two, but really when you are put in that position with a previous failure and a cancelled cycle and this was our one last shot before our insurance renewed, and being DOR, we really had no choice. If we made it to a day 5 transfer we definately would have only transferred one, but at day 3 my clinic recommends two since most day 3's don't make it to blast and it is very doubtful that the 2nd embryo would make it to freezing quality.
Anyways, to scare me even further my RE just called me. Guess she is worried about both embryos taken too and was asking me about the twin's birth. She wanted to know if ds was delivered at 21 weeks. I said no I carried him until it was time for the c-section. She then I think wanted to know what kind of c-section it was. I am guessing a vertical (classical) compared to a horizontal. She didn't say these exact words, but I was getting the drift of what she meant and likely why she wanted to know this. I told her I didn't know and gave her the name of the hospital I gave birth in so she will try and get the records. I think she is worried if it was a vertical c-section that my uterus may not be able to handle carrying multiples to term. I am not sure, but I know there is a risk of uterine tearing with a classical incision that is why you can't have a VBAC if you have one done. Vertical incisions are much more common with premature birth since the uterus is smaller so there is a likely chance that I had one given birth at 31 weeks. I'm not 100% sure though since nobody told me either way and I figure they would if they did since it is a serious matter with giving birth again.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
4w1d
Today's beta was 474. I was kind of shocked it was so high since my tests still seem lighter than the control line (though not by much now). I was expecting a number 200-250 so I am happy with the 474. They didn't check my progesterone or estrogen. Not sure why. Hopefully they will do it at the next beta check. The nurse told me to stop the estrace, but I don't feel comfortable about that. My last two pregnancies I was on it for 10 weeks (well 9 weeks the first one since the baby died), though decreased the does after 7 weeks. My last pregnancy I did take it secretly though since my RE told me to stop it and the PIO at 4 weeks. Googling about this I find most people are on it until 8-12 weeks so I don't know why she would tell me to stop at just after 4 weeks. I could understand if I had high estrogen during stims, but I didn't. My estrogen was lower than what the average RE like to see for trigger day. I do know the clinic used to not even prescribe estrace. For my last pregnancy they didn't routinely prescribe it and only letted me take it because I did for cycle #1 and it worked. Now they put everyone it 2dpER, though I guess they take you off at 4 weeks. Anyways, I don't feel comfort stopping this early, especially without any blood work saying my estrogen is too high so I am staying on my same dose until after the first u/s like I did with my last 2 pregnancies.
I go back for repeat beta on Monday. I was kind of shocked about this too since it is usually 48 hours later so I was thinking I would go on Saturday. When she said the 9th I had to stop and think for a moment (wasn't near a calendar because she called when I was in the bathroom for my hourly pee session). She then said Monday so I know that it is correct. Not sure how they can accurately check doubling then since by then my number will be in the thousands and doubling time usually decreases past 1200.
I only have 2 frer left so I decided since there isn't much difference in the lines each day I will wait and test every 48 hours. That way I will make it through to my next beta. So I won't test tomorrow and test again on Saturday and then Monday morning before my beta. I ususally can tell progression much better when I look back at the test from the day before last. When I go back just one day they seem to look the same. I think because there isn't much difference in line strength when you get this high. So hopefully by Saturday my line will be darker than the control line and by Monday way darker than the control line.
I have class tonight from 8-9pm (though it will likely run to 9:30 because it did last week and this is the last session for the course). I don't know how I am going to get through it because I have been crashing just after 8 for the past 2 days. Even yesterday where I hardly felt any symptoms all day and was still wide awake by the time we got home at 7pm, but 8 the tiredness hit me and I had to go to bed. I must say going out yesterday to celebrate was a good idea, even though I had to be outside in the heat. At least it got me away from in the house here and constantly symptom spotting.
I go back for repeat beta on Monday. I was kind of shocked about this too since it is usually 48 hours later so I was thinking I would go on Saturday. When she said the 9th I had to stop and think for a moment (wasn't near a calendar because she called when I was in the bathroom for my hourly pee session). She then said Monday so I know that it is correct. Not sure how they can accurately check doubling then since by then my number will be in the thousands and doubling time usually decreases past 1200.
I only have 2 frer left so I decided since there isn't much difference in the lines each day I will wait and test every 48 hours. That way I will make it through to my next beta. So I won't test tomorrow and test again on Saturday and then Monday morning before my beta. I ususally can tell progression much better when I look back at the test from the day before last. When I go back just one day they seem to look the same. I think because there isn't much difference in line strength when you get this high. So hopefully by Saturday my line will be darker than the control line and by Monday way darker than the control line.
I have class tonight from 8-9pm (though it will likely run to 9:30 because it did last week and this is the last session for the course). I don't know how I am going to get through it because I have been crashing just after 8 for the past 2 days. Even yesterday where I hardly felt any symptoms all day and was still wide awake by the time we got home at 7pm, but 8 the tiredness hit me and I had to go to bed. I must say going out yesterday to celebrate was a good idea, even though I had to be outside in the heat. At least it got me away from in the house here and constantly symptom spotting.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
4 weeks
I am so glad week 3 is done. Even though it was only half a week it seemed to drag on forever. I hate how slow the first trimester is. I can't wait until the end of the summer. I know it doesn't mean I will be in the safe zone, but I will at least feel a bit better.
Today's tests showed up at the 10 second mark. Much fast than the 5 minute mark 4 days ago. Today was my last $tree test. I don't think I will buy anymore since the line is pretty bright. It isn't darker than the control line, but I don't think $tree tests ever get darker than the control line. The frer this morning is either just as dark or almost just as dark as the control line. It is hard to tell.
I go for my first beta tomorrow. I hate how I have to wait so long because of the holiday, though I think even without the holiday it would be tomorrow. I think I remember the nurse or the u/s tech telling me that they always do it at 15dpER now no matter what. For my singleton pregnancy my beta was 109 today (and that was after only 3 days of bfp's) and my twins was 256. So I am guessing my number will fall inbetween these two today.
The fatigue set in yesterday. I went to bed shortly after 8pm. I don't think though that these signs are related to the hcg yet, since hcg doesn't really cause symptoms until it is over 1000, and more likely over 10 thousand. I think the PIO is causing these symptoms. I am curious what my progesterone will show tomorrow. For my twins it was 200 (doctors like to see it over 20 for pregnancy) so it was way over board. My RE actually told me to stop the PIO and estrace, but I didn't want to take the risk so I just cut the dose in half.
Not quite sure what I will do today. Normally we go to dh's uncles for the 4th. I talked to MIL yesterday and told her I wasn't sure if I was feeling well enough to go and I will let her know today. However, I thought about it and really don't want to be struck here worrying about symptoms all day. I am confident with my lines this morning and being on the PIO that I won't lose this pregnancy at the moment. I will only go though if MIL can help watch dd since dh can't come because he is working and I can't be chasing after dd the whole time. We were going to go to the children's museum on Friday for their free day, but I have decided against it since I don't think I can take the walking or the crowds. I told dh we will go next year and it will be better because dd will be then 3 and we could always leave the baby at the inlaws if we didn't want to take him or her.
Today's tests showed up at the 10 second mark. Much fast than the 5 minute mark 4 days ago. Today was my last $tree test. I don't think I will buy anymore since the line is pretty bright. It isn't darker than the control line, but I don't think $tree tests ever get darker than the control line. The frer this morning is either just as dark or almost just as dark as the control line. It is hard to tell.
I go for my first beta tomorrow. I hate how I have to wait so long because of the holiday, though I think even without the holiday it would be tomorrow. I think I remember the nurse or the u/s tech telling me that they always do it at 15dpER now no matter what. For my singleton pregnancy my beta was 109 today (and that was after only 3 days of bfp's) and my twins was 256. So I am guessing my number will fall inbetween these two today.
The fatigue set in yesterday. I went to bed shortly after 8pm. I don't think though that these signs are related to the hcg yet, since hcg doesn't really cause symptoms until it is over 1000, and more likely over 10 thousand. I think the PIO is causing these symptoms. I am curious what my progesterone will show tomorrow. For my twins it was 200 (doctors like to see it over 20 for pregnancy) so it was way over board. My RE actually told me to stop the PIO and estrace, but I didn't want to take the risk so I just cut the dose in half.
Not quite sure what I will do today. Normally we go to dh's uncles for the 4th. I talked to MIL yesterday and told her I wasn't sure if I was feeling well enough to go and I will let her know today. However, I thought about it and really don't want to be struck here worrying about symptoms all day. I am confident with my lines this morning and being on the PIO that I won't lose this pregnancy at the moment. I will only go though if MIL can help watch dd since dh can't come because he is working and I can't be chasing after dd the whole time. We were going to go to the children's museum on Friday for their free day, but I have decided against it since I don't think I can take the walking or the crowds. I told dh we will go next year and it will be better because dd will be then 3 and we could always leave the baby at the inlaws if we didn't want to take him or her.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
10dp3dt (3w6d pregnant)
Today was the first day I got a blaring bfp on the $tree. I think my problem before was I only put 3 drops in (since this is what it says on the back of the box). Well I am here to tell you 3 drops hardly shows anything. Today I probably added 5 drops and I got a nice dark line.
FRER looks like yesterday. Surprisely, yesterday I thought that test looked like the day before, but now 11dpo test is very faint. I don't know what is up with these frer. I still have my frer from 3 years ago and they look the exact same they did back in 2009, but these frer seem to fade after 2 days. I guess I won't be hanging on to these tests. Anyways, I am trying not to let it bother me that the frer doesn't look much different. It is just a tad lighter than the control line and I don't think it gets to that darkness until the beta is higher (probably around 200 or something). If I could guess I would say my beta is probably around 100 today which would be an average number for tomorrow so a very good number for this early on. I don't go for my official beta until Thursday so hopefully by that time it will be over 200.
Despite all this I am petfied and almost had a breakdown yesterday from the stress. I am terrified that I will start spotting or that my numbers won't rise. 75% of m/c happen by 6 weeks so these next couple of weeks will be very very stressful. Of course even after that I can't breathe a sign of relief because my first pregnancy ended after great betas and perfect first u/s and hb. Even reaching 12 weeks isn't a reassurance because we had 7 perfect u/s with ds before finding out at the anatomy scan that something was wrong. This worries me too, since I will feel better once I reach 10-12 weeks and can at least listen daily with my doppler, but ds had a good hb up to his death at 21 weeks. He just didn't grow for those last 6 weeks, something that would have never been discovered without an u/s.
It then worries me that I am so worried for this pregnancy. I pray it is not a bad omen. I guess the only comfort I have is I lost my last two babies after I thought I was safe. With pregnancy #1 I relaxed after the first perfect u/s and my RE said my chance of m/c now is only 5% from the normal 20%. Well, my baby died a few days later, but I had no sign so it was a shock when I went for the 2nd scan feeling great about being discharged from the RE and finding out the baby was dead.
Because of this my 2nd pregnancy I didn't let my guard down, until I got a few weeks past the 2nd trimester. By 14 weeks I started to feel better, and by 17 weeks all the fear went away when the babies looked perfect and my ob reassured me that I would know if anything bad was going to happen now. So I actually went into the anatomy happy and excited to find out the sexes of the babies. I still listened to their hb that morning so I knew I would not get the same shock as #1 since they both had great hb on the doppler and so were alive. I mean what could go wrong. Well we found out ds hadn't grown in the last 3 weeks (he was measuring 15 weeks in size and I was 18 weeks). My ob had a tiny u/s machine so that is why it wasn't picked up the previous week because they both looked similar in size then. However because of this I had trouble believing this until we went back to my ob at 20 weeks and then it was clear as day on his tiny u/s machine that ds was only 1/5 the size of dd.
So maybe it is a good sign that I am nervous because when I let my guard down that is when bad stuff happens. For the reminder of my last pregnancy after ds's death I had my guard up. I checked with my doppler daily until I got put in the hospital at 29 weeks, even though during this whole time I could feel dd. I never even put the stroller together until after dd was born because I was afraid of losing her too and it being too hard to return after it was put together and the box thrown away.
FRER looks like yesterday. Surprisely, yesterday I thought that test looked like the day before, but now 11dpo test is very faint. I don't know what is up with these frer. I still have my frer from 3 years ago and they look the exact same they did back in 2009, but these frer seem to fade after 2 days. I guess I won't be hanging on to these tests. Anyways, I am trying not to let it bother me that the frer doesn't look much different. It is just a tad lighter than the control line and I don't think it gets to that darkness until the beta is higher (probably around 200 or something). If I could guess I would say my beta is probably around 100 today which would be an average number for tomorrow so a very good number for this early on. I don't go for my official beta until Thursday so hopefully by that time it will be over 200.
Despite all this I am petfied and almost had a breakdown yesterday from the stress. I am terrified that I will start spotting or that my numbers won't rise. 75% of m/c happen by 6 weeks so these next couple of weeks will be very very stressful. Of course even after that I can't breathe a sign of relief because my first pregnancy ended after great betas and perfect first u/s and hb. Even reaching 12 weeks isn't a reassurance because we had 7 perfect u/s with ds before finding out at the anatomy scan that something was wrong. This worries me too, since I will feel better once I reach 10-12 weeks and can at least listen daily with my doppler, but ds had a good hb up to his death at 21 weeks. He just didn't grow for those last 6 weeks, something that would have never been discovered without an u/s.
It then worries me that I am so worried for this pregnancy. I pray it is not a bad omen. I guess the only comfort I have is I lost my last two babies after I thought I was safe. With pregnancy #1 I relaxed after the first perfect u/s and my RE said my chance of m/c now is only 5% from the normal 20%. Well, my baby died a few days later, but I had no sign so it was a shock when I went for the 2nd scan feeling great about being discharged from the RE and finding out the baby was dead.
Because of this my 2nd pregnancy I didn't let my guard down, until I got a few weeks past the 2nd trimester. By 14 weeks I started to feel better, and by 17 weeks all the fear went away when the babies looked perfect and my ob reassured me that I would know if anything bad was going to happen now. So I actually went into the anatomy happy and excited to find out the sexes of the babies. I still listened to their hb that morning so I knew I would not get the same shock as #1 since they both had great hb on the doppler and so were alive. I mean what could go wrong. Well we found out ds hadn't grown in the last 3 weeks (he was measuring 15 weeks in size and I was 18 weeks). My ob had a tiny u/s machine so that is why it wasn't picked up the previous week because they both looked similar in size then. However because of this I had trouble believing this until we went back to my ob at 20 weeks and then it was clear as day on his tiny u/s machine that ds was only 1/5 the size of dd.
So maybe it is a good sign that I am nervous because when I let my guard down that is when bad stuff happens. For the reminder of my last pregnancy after ds's death I had my guard up. I checked with my doppler daily until I got put in the hospital at 29 weeks, even though during this whole time I could feel dd. I never even put the stroller together until after dd was born because I was afraid of losing her too and it being too hard to return after it was put together and the box thrown away.
Monday, July 2, 2012
A picture speaks a 1000 words
Bottom test is today's (12dpER or 9dp3dt) taken at 1:30am. It was hard to tell if the line was darker in person, but when taken a picture it clearly shows to be darker.
One conclusion can be made from this: I now know at least one embryo has implanted. Anxious for Thursday to come so we can actually get a blood number instead of trying to deciper pee stick lines.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Symptom checker
It is weird that for the last week I have had basically zero symptoms, but now that I get a bfp all the symptoms start rushing in. And it can't even be from the hcg because the levels are still low right now, compared to just after the trigger shot.
So here is the list of symptoms:
1. insomina - after testing this morning at 2:30am I couldn't get back to sleep until 6. I tried a few times and then gave up at 4am and went on the computer for a few hours. I remember insomina was a major early symptom with my first pregnancy until the fatigue hit at 5 weeks. I basically blame the insomina on the excitement of the bfp's and testing each morning. Unfortunately this is the only time my pee is concentrated at all so it is my only test time right now.
2. early stage m/s- yes I never thought this would hit this early. With my first pregnancy I didn't start feeling things until 6 something weeks and with the twins it was 9 weeks. Of course it hasn't become full blown m/s (let's hope it doesn't), but it is at the uneasiness and needing to eat, but not wanting many things stage.
3. cramps - these were pretty bad today. I know cramping is very normal in early pregnancy, but it is still such a scary sign. The cramps ranged from severe pre AF type cramps (the type that you just pray for AF to arrive so they can be over) to cramps that were sudden and sharp. It is funny I always wished for a bfp so I wouldn't have to deal with the horrible pain of AF, when really you don't get away from the cramping pain even with pregnancy.
Symptoms I am not feeling:
nada in the breast department. Of course this was never a big symptom with my previous two pregnancies either.
I am tired now and sort of out of it, but I blame that on the lack of sleep more than anything.
Praying tomorrow morning's tests are nice and darker. I realize how much it sucks having a early bfp. Yes it is great than dealing with bfn's, but it is also hard because it makes the pregnancy even longer. I am only 3w4d today. That is such a long long way away from 40 weeks or even 12 weeks.
I also think being IF makes it harder. We all think that things are great when we see the double lines, but really things are only beginning. But I think when you work so hard just to achieve a bfp it feels like you have already reached the finish line, or you are exhausted enough and then you find out that no you have to do another 40 laps around the track. Meanwhile others just get to start out at the 40 lap part without having to run the premarathon. I just want to reach the finish line and have my take home sibling for dd.
So here is the list of symptoms:
1. insomina - after testing this morning at 2:30am I couldn't get back to sleep until 6. I tried a few times and then gave up at 4am and went on the computer for a few hours. I remember insomina was a major early symptom with my first pregnancy until the fatigue hit at 5 weeks. I basically blame the insomina on the excitement of the bfp's and testing each morning. Unfortunately this is the only time my pee is concentrated at all so it is my only test time right now.
2. early stage m/s- yes I never thought this would hit this early. With my first pregnancy I didn't start feeling things until 6 something weeks and with the twins it was 9 weeks. Of course it hasn't become full blown m/s (let's hope it doesn't), but it is at the uneasiness and needing to eat, but not wanting many things stage.
3. cramps - these were pretty bad today. I know cramping is very normal in early pregnancy, but it is still such a scary sign. The cramps ranged from severe pre AF type cramps (the type that you just pray for AF to arrive so they can be over) to cramps that were sudden and sharp. It is funny I always wished for a bfp so I wouldn't have to deal with the horrible pain of AF, when really you don't get away from the cramping pain even with pregnancy.
Symptoms I am not feeling:
nada in the breast department. Of course this was never a big symptom with my previous two pregnancies either.
I am tired now and sort of out of it, but I blame that on the lack of sleep more than anything.
Praying tomorrow morning's tests are nice and darker. I realize how much it sucks having a early bfp. Yes it is great than dealing with bfn's, but it is also hard because it makes the pregnancy even longer. I am only 3w4d today. That is such a long long way away from 40 weeks or even 12 weeks.
I also think being IF makes it harder. We all think that things are great when we see the double lines, but really things are only beginning. But I think when you work so hard just to achieve a bfp it feels like you have already reached the finish line, or you are exhausted enough and then you find out that no you have to do another 40 laps around the track. Meanwhile others just get to start out at the 40 lap part without having to run the premarathon. I just want to reach the finish line and have my take home sibling for dd.
8dp3dt I think this is real
So I spent most of yesterday morning and evening googling like mad (I had a few housecalls yesterday so that at least kept me busy and out of the house) and basically scared myself into the possiblity that I was still picking up the trigger.
I always thought the trigger should be out by 10 days because that is what you always hear, but then I was seeing stories of pretty convincing bfp at 10 dpER that by the next day were lighter and totally negative by day 12. Since yesterday was the first day I tested I couldn't be 100% positive that I might be one of these people that have a trigger stay for 12-14 days.
So I woke up this morning at 2:30 to pee and it was time to get the automatic answer. Today is 11dpER and 12 days, 5 hours past trigger.
First the $tree which was negative yesterday and then showed a very faint evap hours later was bfp today. Very faint line again, but it appeared at the 4 min mark so I am sure once 3+ hours past again it will darken a bit more. I was happy about this so expected to get good results with the frer. Unfortunately, this morning's frer wasn't really darker, though it wasn't really lighter than yesterday. It is hard to say since I think yesterday's test lightened over time, but maybe it didn't I just didn't realize how light it was at first.
I know I said yesterday that it looked like the frer from my twin pregnancy, but I compared it to that (yes I still have my used pee sticks from almost 3 years ago) and my frer with them was darker at 10dpER so maybe it is only one that implanted this time.
Anyways, 10 and 11dpER is still good to get a bfp and the fact that my frer is still bfp today and didn't lighten to hardly anything and my $tree test is now a bfp from yesterday's bfn I am pretty confident to classify this as a real bfp.
I will keep testing daily, hoping for the tests to darken. I like to think that today didn't darken much because the hcg is still low so even with it doubling every 48 hours it doesn't make much of a chance on a hpt. So like if yesterday my beta level was 20 which should be 40 by tomorrow, probably means it is 30 today. I don't think the line on a frer would differ much between a 20 and a 30. It could also explain why the $tree is now positive being over the 25 min level. Also who knows if maybe I still had some trigger left yesterday that was artificially rising the hcg. With the fake hcg going down, and real hcg going up it could also show as not much of a rise in the level at this stage in the game.
I brought 6 frer yesterday so I will be well set for the next week. I only planned on buying 3, but the 3 pack had a b1g1 free mail in offer so I figure 6 for the price of 3 (even though I have to wait to get the money back) is a better deal than the offer on the 2 pack which included 1 extra free stick, so I could get 3 for $8 something or 6 for $26 (with a refund of $13) so I chose the 6. Really I only need them to get me to Thursday which will be 15dpER and my official beta day.
And for those that like a visual yesterdays and today's pee sticks:
I always thought the trigger should be out by 10 days because that is what you always hear, but then I was seeing stories of pretty convincing bfp at 10 dpER that by the next day were lighter and totally negative by day 12. Since yesterday was the first day I tested I couldn't be 100% positive that I might be one of these people that have a trigger stay for 12-14 days.
So I woke up this morning at 2:30 to pee and it was time to get the automatic answer. Today is 11dpER and 12 days, 5 hours past trigger.
First the $tree which was negative yesterday and then showed a very faint evap hours later was bfp today. Very faint line again, but it appeared at the 4 min mark so I am sure once 3+ hours past again it will darken a bit more. I was happy about this so expected to get good results with the frer. Unfortunately, this morning's frer wasn't really darker, though it wasn't really lighter than yesterday. It is hard to say since I think yesterday's test lightened over time, but maybe it didn't I just didn't realize how light it was at first.
I know I said yesterday that it looked like the frer from my twin pregnancy, but I compared it to that (yes I still have my used pee sticks from almost 3 years ago) and my frer with them was darker at 10dpER so maybe it is only one that implanted this time.
Anyways, 10 and 11dpER is still good to get a bfp and the fact that my frer is still bfp today and didn't lighten to hardly anything and my $tree test is now a bfp from yesterday's bfn I am pretty confident to classify this as a real bfp.
I will keep testing daily, hoping for the tests to darken. I like to think that today didn't darken much because the hcg is still low so even with it doubling every 48 hours it doesn't make much of a chance on a hpt. So like if yesterday my beta level was 20 which should be 40 by tomorrow, probably means it is 30 today. I don't think the line on a frer would differ much between a 20 and a 30. It could also explain why the $tree is now positive being over the 25 min level. Also who knows if maybe I still had some trigger left yesterday that was artificially rising the hcg. With the fake hcg going down, and real hcg going up it could also show as not much of a rise in the level at this stage in the game.
I brought 6 frer yesterday so I will be well set for the next week. I only planned on buying 3, but the 3 pack had a b1g1 free mail in offer so I figure 6 for the price of 3 (even though I have to wait to get the money back) is a better deal than the offer on the 2 pack which included 1 extra free stick, so I could get 3 for $8 something or 6 for $26 (with a refund of $13) so I chose the 6. Really I only need them to get me to Thursday which will be 15dpER and my official beta day.
And for those that like a visual yesterdays and today's pee sticks:
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