18w3d

I am starting to feel some distinct kicks finally, but they are few and far between.  Most of the time I literally forget I am pregnant.  I did outgrow another pair of pants though so I am taking that as a good sign that I am getting bigger and may be permanantly in maternity clothes in a few weeks.

Today we went garage sale shopping for the first time since 3 years ago when I was shopping with for the twins.  The first house we went to was 30 miles away, but they had an ad on craig's list that they were selling girl clothes from newborn to 4T.  So I thought great I can pick up stuff for dd and this baby.  Well I ended up buying none of the clothes because they were greatly overpriced.  They wanted $2-4 per item which I think is crazy at a garage sale.  I did pick up a magnetic dress up doll for dd (for next Christmas since she is too young right now to play with it without losing the pieces) and a pack of 4oz bottle liners for a buck so it wasn't a total wasted trip.  The second house we went to was only a few blocks from our place and we got a bunch of toys and books for very cheap (gotta love living in a low income area). 

We were then on our way to a 3rd house when we passed by a big sale and decided to stop.  We ended up getting a ton of stuff there.  A high chair for at the inlaws (since they threw away the 3 I gave them when I was pregnant last time), a mattress for the toddler bed and a bunch of toys for dd.  We spent $40 there and overall spend probably $55 for the morning.  Not too bad and dd was very happy to have a bunch of new toys to play with - not like she needed anymore toys.

I realized another good thing about having a girl.  Now we can go all out with getting girly things with no worry and having a house full of girl toys.  We don't have to worry about buying any boys toys which should make things be cheaper in the long run since dd and the baby will be able to share stuff growing up.

It is also a good thing because I worried if it was a boy that then I would be struck comparing the child to ds.  For the last 4.5 months of being pregnant I have done this a few times when thinking of the baby and then realizing it and having to stop myself.  At least with another girl there won't be this constant wondering if this is what ds would have looked or acted like.

Of course, it is upsetting realizing I will never have a ds here on Earth to raise and this is something both me and dh will have to come to terms with.  I feel okay about this right now, but not sure how I will feel later when it is for real finalized that there will be no more babies.