16w6d

I got good and bad news today.

First the good news.  We finally got our letter from cps saying that "the department has determined that further provisions of services is not necessary at this time".  It said other stuff, but this was basically the main point.  I am happy the case is now officially closed, but still feels a bit anticlimatic with theway they word the letter.  The could have at least said that the accusations were unfounded and we are sorry we bothered you, but nope.  Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about cps for the time being until something else happens - dd falls and someone is phone crazy again, or when dd is older and can talk and says stuff that can be interrupted wrong or as a teen and is mad and to get back decides to make up lies of abuse.  Ya, this whole experience has shown me how scary things are until my children reach 18 when they no longer can be under cps's power.

Now the bad news.  The doctor office called this morning saying they need to talk to me about some appointments.  I finally got ahold of the woman at 1pm and she tells me that the AFP from the bloodwork I had done last week came back elevated so now we have to see a genetic counsellor before the anatomy scan next week.  So now I am extremely upset and worried because I don't want history to repeat itself.  I looked up on google what elevated AFP means and it is related to spinal bifidia, anencephaly, and abdomenal wall problems.  So now I am even more worried.  I did find many women who had SCH getting false positives on the test so I am really hoping that is the reason why the number is high.  Of course she wouldn't tell me how high it is, or what any of the other numbers and values are saying we have to wait until next Wednesday when we see the genetic counsellor because only they have the number results.  I also found some mention about elevated AFP being related to iugr and future pre-eclampsia so now I have that added worry.  Though it is better than something being wrong with the baby, I do not want another pregnancy of placenta problems and I am already high risk for iugr and pre-eclampsia. 

I told the woman on the phone about how ds had severe iugr and died at 21 weeks because of placenta failure.  She then said I am going there because I am high risk and asked why I am high risk from last pregnancy.  I thought huh?  I then said how I developed pre-eclampsia afterwards and she then understood why I was high risk.  But why do people like to brush off the placenta failing at the end of the first trimester and only consider the PE as making me high risk.  Don't you think being diagnosised with severe iugr at 18 weeks is high risk and is the reason behind me developing PE a month and a half later?

Anyways, now I have even more worries for the upcoming anatomy scan.  Not only do I have to worry about the baby's growth, but now also that there may be a spine, brain, or abdominal problem
 :(  Why can't I ever have anything go easy.