So I didn't get much sleep last night. I find it very cruel that they would call me yesterday saying we need to see a genetic counsellor, but then not tell me any numbers and that we would have to wait over a week to find out.
I was really upset last night when I went to bed that I would get pre-eclampsia and iugr again. I really don't want a repeat of last pregnancy. I can't take another stillbirth. I was really hoping this time would be different with not having twins and thinking that maybe it was just a fluke problem with ds's placenta since dd didn't have iugr. Anyways, if it is going to happen, I hope it isn't until 7-8 months like it normally comes instead of 4-5 months which happened last time.
I am still worried about neural tube defects though, but trying to tell myself it is unlikely since I have been on prenatals daily since 6 months before pregnancy and also many foods are also fortified too.
However, you can't ignore a concern that something may be wrong with the baby that can result in its death or a difficult life.
I had a nightmare last night that it was next Wednesday and we met with the doctor and he started saying what values were abnormal, but I couldn't really pay attention. He then asked if we wanted to see the baby and we said yes so we went to the u/s room, but then for some reason didn't do the u/s and went back into another room. I remember thinking it was strange that he wanted to do the u/s first when I was told it would be after meeting with the genetists and was worried that it meant he wanted to see the baby before getting the bad news. I then asked him straight out if he thought our baby had anencephalist and he said yes. I started bawling at this point because my nightmare had come true. Then the genetic counsellor came in with our folder with a black or dark green piece of paper on top and asked if the doctor if we were the couple with the tragic case. I guess the piece of colored paper was to signify that the baby was going to die so they would be more sympathetic. At this point is when I lost it. How dare they say our baby had anecephalogy and was going to die when they didn't even do an u/s. I immediately left. On my way home the doctor texted me saying all my blood values were either too high or too low by at least 200% and this brought him to that conclusion and then at the end of the text he talked about making a movie on my case and there was an attachment of movie poster about a woman who had a SCH and the baby ended up having anencephalogy. Well this extremely infuritated me and I immediately rushed back to the office and confronted the doctor (who was sitting by the door in the waiting room). I told him how dare he diagnosis anencephalogy without doing an u/s which is the only way you can see structral problems and how dare he make a movie about me (I said this very loud so everyone in the waiting room could hear me). I then told him to take me back and do an u/s so we can know for sure. Then I thought for a moment and realized I didn't want him doing the u/s, so I asked the receptionist/nurses if they can find me a different tech and they said yes. Then I thought even more and said I want a different doctor. Which they responded no problem and then gave my doctor firing papers on the spot. This was the best part of the whole dream getting the satisification that I got that doctor fired after the way he treated me. After this I woke up, so never really got to find out what the u/s showed.
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