Starting to not be able to take this ivf rollercoaster. DH can't stand it anymore and has told me he is doing this no more. I can understand why he feels this way. I mean it is hard enough having to deal with the nervousness of pregnancy loss once I finally get a bfp, but to not even be at that point and the constant worry that the cycle will not work again is too much.
Yesterday afternoon my nurse called and scheduled the ET at 2:40 with a 1:40 arrive time. We had to try and arrange babysitting for dd. Then at 8:45 this morning the center called and said ET will be today and to arrive at 1. So we have to call and change babysitting plans. DH is freaking out because this is bad news and has already given up on this cycle. Then 10 minutes later when I was driving dd to the dentist the center calls again which freaked me out. She says "I know I just called you, but embrology just came by and spoke with me". This really freaked me out. Then she says that they are moving to a day 3 so transfer will be tomorrow instead of today then. I let out a big sign of relief that at least this means all 3 embryos are still alive, of course I don't know the quality of them, just that they can't tell yet which one is the poorest. Of course I am still worried now that they won't make it to tomorrow. I really hate this nerve racking. There is always something to worry about. If transfer is done today I worry that my embryos are poor, if transfer is tomorrow I worry that they won't make it through another day.
Of course saying all this I really have high hopes for this cycle. I really hope these high hopes won't let me down. I reread the email from Cheri's predication yesterday. I always thought it meant I needed to get a bfp in June and was worrying that my beta isn't until the beginning of July, but then I realized it said conceive, give birth, or find out in June which will be true. I may not find out in June, but if this cycle works I would have conceived in June. Cheri was right about my two successful ivf cycles so that is why I have a lot of faith in her predication even though it is meant for only fun. Also my aunt says I will give birth in February and my edd for this cycle would be March 13, which will put me with a February birth if I give birth 38 weeks or before. Also found out Cheri shares the same birthday with my aunt (also my father and FIL) which is really weird.
Another possible sign is when we were driving home on Wednesday after picking dd up from my inlaws is that I saw a Jordan's furniture van. Now I know this seems like a weird sign, but when we were driving home from the horrible u/s after ivf #1 that showed our baby died I decided to name that baby Jordan. Didn't really care for the name, but it is the first unisex name that popped into my head so I decided that was the baby's name. When we were driving for ER with ivf #2 I saw a Jordan's furniture truck and took it as a good sign. I never saw one of their vehicles before and never again until we were driving home on Wednesday. Which is even weirder is at least with ivf #2 we were near a Jordan's furniture but on Wednesday we weren't and on a totally different highway so it didn't make sense that I would see one of their cars.
Because of these reasons I just know this cycle has to work even despite these set backs. However, it still doesn't take the worry away or make my heart not skip a beat when the clinic calls.
I just pray my embryos continue to grow and they will look perfect for transfer tomorrow. I think once I know they are inside me I can at least breathe a little sign of relief.
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