Ignorant people

As you know if you have been reading, I saw my family for a few hours on Sunday when they brought down a car for us.  Anyways, before I left my father told me that he wanted to help me and dh and was going to give us $5000 at the end of June.  I never expected this and didn't ask for this money, but was very grateful that he would offer to help us since we receive no help at all from our inlaws and come the fall we will have no income for 2 years while dh is in school. 

Anyways, my aunt called me last night after they got home and told me that after I left my mother told my father not to give us any money because we were trying for a baby and doing ivf.  Now my mother is a strict Catholic and is 100% against ivf.  We got into many fights while ttc 3 years ago.  I can't stand the ignorant view that the church takes that is biased and not based on reason or scientic fact.  I even asked my mother what she was so against ivf for and she couldn't tell me just that she was against it.  How are you suppose to educate a person like that.  If the church said apples were evil she would believe it and not eat or buy apples ever again.

For this reason I purposely chose to keep ttc #2 from her.  When she was down last fall dh kind of let the cat out of the bag and made mention that I wanted to try again.  She told me that if I did that I needed to pay her back any money she has ever given me and I better not dare cycle.  I decided at that point to not tell her anything and if I get pregnant she wouldn't know until after birth.  Because of my last two cycle failures I thought she had given up the idea of us cycling, but just last night I find out that she knew we recently cycled because my MIL called and told her.  Now my MIL knows her opinion and I didn't want her to know, yet she told her my cycle failed and then acted to me like she never said anything - saying to me "did you tell your mom you are doing ivf".  I am extremely pissed that now everyone knows about us cycling.  The whole reason of me making this blog is so I can write stuff down since I can't tell people irl.  It pisses me off that we can't keep this a secret from my MIL because we need someone to watch dd during ER and ET.  Just because we do ivf, then everyone has to know our personal business, no one asks fertile people if they are ttc or had sex last night or give their opinion on a baby before even a pregnancy happens.

Anyways, my father just called me now and he took back his offer on the $5000 check.  Like I said before, I never asked for this money so he can do whatever he wants.  Ya we are struggling financially (and of course ivf doesn't help that) but I am not giving up on the dream just because they are cutting me off.  I basically have one year left if I want to have a biological child so I have no choice but to cycle now if we want another biological child.  It just upsets me that they are acting this way before I am even pregnant and who knows if I will ever be pregnant or have another baby and I am getting the 9th degree.   I can understand if I was pregnant, but for something that may not happen, I personally think they are blowing things out of proportion.  I mean they know I am a married woman of child bearing age so it can happen at anytime.  Meanwhile my cousin gets pregnant and within 3 months later is no longer with the man and my aunt is thrilled to be a grandma again.  Why can't I have parents like this.  It makes me sad that if this cycle does work that my parents will not be part of my pregnancy and will not be happy about their grandchild and also think differently about it because of how it was conceived.    Meanwhile my brother (her other child) used some form of ART to have their twins, but you can't change my mom's mind to believe that.  No, my mom likes to live in her own little fanatsy world where doing ivf is wrong and believes celbate old man instead of her own daughter who has done 4 cycles so far.

My favorite argument that the church brings up is the killing of embryos.  It just shows how clueless the church is. 
#1 Very few IF couples get many embryos to begin with (unless they have PCOS or are very young).
#2 After spending thousands of dollars, 2 months time, and physical and emotional pain why would anyone kill embryos.  Seriously each embryo is extremely precious to an IF couple that there is no way they would kill an embryo unless they have a genetic problem that only affects one sex.
#3 The people that do kill embryos are usually women that are only doing ivf for gender selection.  These women are not IF and therefore should not be put in the same group as IF woman.  I don't think you will find one IF woman who would agree with a woman who has gender disappointment.  In fact these woman make me sick.  Saying they are like others doing ivf is like saying women who have abortions are like all pregnant women.
#4 It is scientic fact 75% of human embryos die before day 5.  Only difference with ivf is you can see it happen.  This is where embryos are lost.  They aren't killed, they die just like all living things die.  Saying this is like calling a woman who has a m/c the same as a woman who has an abortion.  Anyone with half a brain knows that these two groups are complete opposites. 

However does the church listen to any of these points, no they just keep spreading their ignorant and hurtful message.  Last time I looked ivf was not mentioned in the bible.  In fact IF couples in the bible committed adultry in order to have a child and it was legal if one member (in other words, the woman since mfi was not believed at the time) was IF for the other member to sleep with someone else in order to bear a child.  Wonder how the Catholic church will feel about me sleep around with some fertile men.  It is in the bible.

Anyways, another thing that upsets me is how Catholics can be so against ivf, yet they have no problem using forms of birth control (something that is also against the church's teachings).  My parents are also hipocrites like this.  My father had a vasetomy after I was born.  And here my mother is condoning me about doing ivf and they purposely did something against the church's teachings.  Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, guess it is okay if you are fertile, but IF couples need to suck it up and remain childless or adopt (you know because there are just millions of babies up for adoption).

I came to the realization last night on why we are IF.  It isn't for us, but actually a test for my mother.  I know in my heart God is not against ivf and is glad that the procedure exists.  I know he is making me go through it so my mother can confront her fear about it and open her heart.  Currently though I say she is failing.  I don't know if she will realize this in her lifetime.  I think not since she is going to be 68 this year and she hasn't changed her view even after dd was born.  However I do know she will find this out when she dies and then she will know how wrong and hurtful she is being.