So today is 5dp3dt or 8 dpo and the cramps I was feeling a couple of days ago are gone. So is pretty much any symptoms I had and a lot of my hope. I know this is normal to feel this way at this stage and I am blaming it on likely the trigger probably being totally out of my body finally. Hopefully things will change over the next few days, but at this time it is hard to think beyond today.
In one week though I will find out the real answer and that also scares me that next week and this time we will know one way or the other. Though I hate this wait, at this point being pupo is better than getting a bfn.
I have also started scrunching our two embryos that were transferred over, wondering if really 6 cells on day 3 is all that great. Most doctors want to see 8 by then. I keep telling myself we had success with a 6 cell before and the RE that day said these embryos were good, but it is hard waiting which then makes you second guess everything.
Today I received word that we had no embryos to freeze, which we knew was true. Really wished that our clinic would have just freezed on day 3 anyways no matter the embryo quality.
I also picked up 5 hpt today from the dollar store. I figure this way I won't have to go back there for a while.
I am praying this cycle works, but I must admit that this tww isn't as bad as my last 2. I think because I have a child already now, wheras before we were ttc #1. I can live with a bfn, though I won't be happy, at least I will still be a mom, this is something that I couldn't say before. I don't care what people say primary IF is a million times worse than secondary IF. I just thank God that when we were ttc #1 that both ivf's resulted in me getting pregnant (even though the first I ended up losing). At least I never needed to experience the horrible news on the phone of a cycle not working (of course at the time I would rather have that than getting the no hb news during a routine u/s appt).
Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI hate that primary if vs secondary debate. It really really depends on the individual. Primary if for us was not all that bad. Secondary if has been a walk through hell....9 iui, 1 ivf, 2 losses.
Yes people can say at least you have one.....but the pain and frustration do not go away just because you have a kid....and I never ever had a feeling of helplessness with primary.....I do now.
So for me secondary if has been by far the most difficult struggle. Not only is it difficult for me and dh but you can better bet ds gets a raw deal sometimes.
Thanks Gloria,
ReplyDeleteYes I really try to stay out of the debate. I know secondary IF really sucks. Trust me - ttc this time is requiring a lot more work than it did 3 years ago. I blame that though basically on age and now dealing with crappier eggs. Also it is hard because I am around so many mothers than I was before having dd. Taking dd for storytime, etc and seeing all the mothers with kids her age or younger already pregnant again is hard. Then there is the mommy group on ff. I have had to block almost all of them on fb and hider signatures and pictures on ff because it was getting to be too much for me. Add to the fact that most of them got pregnant by accident (some even using bc) and they write that in their signatures and I wonder why I have to take all these shots and go through all this pain when they get a baby for free without even trying.
However saying all this I do know for me the constant worrying was worst before wondering if I will ever be a mommy. Being upset at holidays to the point that my dh's family couldn't stand to be around me and I was always so upset I couldn't enjoy things or do things anymore. I remember after my first m/c I couldn't even hardly watch tv and only had it on the criminal murder station because I was almost guaranteed I didn't have to see a baby or happy family in a commercial.
I'm lucky dd is still too young though that she doesn't know anything. I do worry about if this and future cycles don't work and we don't have another child, however I haven't yet wrapped my head around that part yet and I'm praying I won't have to.