I woke up this morning not feeling so great at all - both physically and mentally. This is the worst period in terms of pain in all my 22 years of having periods (and if you discount the month long large clotty periods I had when I weaned dd this would also be the heaviest too). It is probably equivalent to a 6 week m/c in terms of pain and blood I would guess. Wasn't expecting that since my last failed cycle that ended after ER my period was only slightly heavier and that was just for one day. Good thing I brought more pads a few days ago, but even that I am more than half way through the pack of 28 overnight pads and I am only on day 3.
I was really pissed this morning again with having to wait another whole cycle. I am a planner and not knowing when my next AF is going to come, what the cycle plans are after that is very stressful. Add into it the fact I need to do the cycle before the end of June for insurance coverage and it just ups the stress. I research and seems like most RE want at least one natural AF after a failed cycle. I was getting worried that the reason why my RE won't put me on the pill now is because she doesn't want to treat us again or wants me to wait a few months. I won't find out anything until next Friday so that is stressing me. I'm really hoping that once this next AF comes I can start downregulating and then cycle afterwards. I looked at the calendar and I should be able to fit ER in before June 30 if that is the case. I figure the longest AF will take is 4 weeks. My usual cycle is 21-24 days. However I had a 28 day cycle after coming off the pill and after my d&c. The only longer cycle than that was when I was bf and after I weaned and had the non stop periods. So I figure even if AF takes 4 weeks and they put me on the anatagonist I will likely do ER around June 27 with ET June 30. If I do another flare protocal it will be even shorter and I may be 10dpo by June 30 and so hopefully can get a bfp then, however it is looking more likely that I will not have a bfp until at least July with an edd around mid March though I will probably give birth end of February.
Another thing I am worried about cycling so late in June is that I may have my citizenship interview around that time. I applied on March 30 and am going for the biometics May 7 (not sure why since I already did my prints last March and August so they should be current), and it is looking like the interview and test will be around end of June/early July according to other people's timelines. And knowing my luck and murphy's law it and ER will end up on the same day. I really really hope not.
I have been trying desparately to keep my mind off of ivf to get me through this limbo time. Luckily I have a few busy weeks coming up. DD has her private speech assessment on Monday and then her weekly OT after. Tuesday I am having my upper left premolar pulled. I have put it off for months because of cycling so now I can finally get it done without worrying about the work affecting my eggs. I will probably be seeing the dentist weekly for the next number of weeks after this for the bridge and also still need to put a crown on a root canal I had done last year. Figure since I only have dental insurance for a few more months might as well get the stuff done now while I can.
I also have a ton of work and red tape to deal with getting this car my parents brought me down here. They are hoping to drive it down on Mother's day so there is a lot of things that need to be done in the next two weeks for this to happen. I can't wait to finally have this car and have another option besides my car with driving dd. I went and brought her a new car seat yesterday for this car. It should arrive early next week. Only problem is the seat is ff only so I am going to have to stop rf her. At least she is two and that is longer than most kids are rf so I don't feel too bad about it, plus I had no choice. This seat will last her the next 6 years wheras if I brought another convertible seat she will outgrow it in only a few years. At least this way I won't have to buy her another carseat again.
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