14w3d

It has been a very busy week working and then adding in this cps investigation my time has been extremely limited.  I go to the doctors again on Monday and praying that I can get him to agree to an u/s between now and Oct 10 to look at and measure the SCH.  I am spotting brown every day, but not very much and many times I have no spotting so I pray that this means the SCH will be totally gone.  I have another week and few days of crinone.  Pray that I won't start cramping when I stop it for the third time.  Luckily I haven't had any cramping since 12 hours after starting the crinone last week so I know the crinone at least keeps that at bay.

I listen to the baby every night before bed.  I am so grateful for this because it really is my only sign right now that I am pregnant since I still fit into all my prepregnancy clothes and can't feel any movement yet.  I can usually find the heartbeat within a couple seconds, though last night it took 25 minutes because the baby was so low.  I was really starting to get worried why I wasn't hearing it.  This same thing happened a week ago too, not sure why the baby likes to go very low like that but it is very nerve racking.

I had my pregnancy loss group meeting on Thursday night.  There was a new woman there that just had a 36 week loss 2 months ago so we all had to say our story again.  I did tell the group at this time that I am pregnant.  I hate having to break the news like this.  I know it wouldn't upset the others because they have all had kids since there losses, except for one, but I don't think I could keep it from them anymore and lie about it since they would have found out in a few months anyhow.  It is just hard because I don't want to make anyone upset or uncomfortable especially this girl who is just new in her grief.  I must say though that sitting through everyone's stories again even though I have heard them many times I found especially hard because all the women there except one who had an infant loss had losses at 35-38 weeks.  It was so hard being pregnant and trying not to worry and hear their stories about how they weren't feeling much movement or went to the doctor and couldn't find a hb with doppler and then having to have an u/s to confirm their baby who was just alive the day or two before is now dead.  One woman actually lost her child after just taking a nap.  She had a normal NST that morning, went home took a nap, still wasn't feeling movement when she woke up so went back in and now her baby was dead.  It just goes to show you there is no safe period with pregnancy and in any second your child can be taken from you.

As for the cps thing, they came on Thursday and I had dh show them our spotless house, but we stopped the meeting since they refused for me to record it.  We are seeing an attorney on Monday to protect our's and dd's rights and can hopefully put a stop to all this.  I have gone through too much to have dd and also this pregnancy to have them both taken because of a stupid call made by some girl who was only in our house for 10 minutes and doesn't know us or our history.