13w3d

I have now been dealing with this SCH for 8 weeks.  Tuesday was my last day of the crinone and I started cramping Thursday night with the spotting turning red.  By Friday the red spotting turned to a brown full on bleed.  I know brown is better than red, but worried that the bleeding had gotten heavier again and I was still cramping pretty bad so I called the doctor to find out what to do.  The nurse told me to go to triage.  I asked if I can go to the hospital down the street from me or if I need to go to W&I and they said they prefer that I go to their hospital so off to Providence I went.  Luckily I got right in, I guess W&I ER is more like labour and delivery floor.  As I sat in the bed waiting for them to treat me, I had to listen to the NST going in the other room.  The constant sound of galloping horses (known as the fetal heart beat) was starting to drive me crazy.  I was immediately brought back to 30 months ago when I was in the hospital on bedrest for 2 weeks and having NST 3 times a day for an hour each time.  I couldn't believe how much post traumatic stress I still hold from that experience and listening to this other woman's baby's heartbeating away brought it all back. 
I would sometime lose my thought and imagine that is my baby I am listening too, then I have to remind myself it isn't.  I can't wait until I get further into this pregnancy and can finally start feeling this baby.  Right now it is not like I am even pregnant since I can still fit in my regular clothes and besides a few mild symptoms I feel like a normal unpregnant person.  In fact I think if it wasn't for the ivf and knowing my cycle I could easily think I am just dealing with a horrible weird period since I have been bleeding so much over the last 13 weeks.

I was so hoping they would measure the SCH but all they did was a cervical check to make sure it is closed (not fun and I really think unnecessary since I know it would be closed since I wasn't m/c but dealing with a SCH).  Then they did a vaginal u/s using a portable machine so they couldn't see things very great (the doctor made the comment about the machine being grainy).  I was pretty annoyed about having a vaginal u/s at over 13 weeks and the fact that I was bleeding and shouldn't have anything unnecessary put in my vagina.  The doctor was young (likely just finished her residency) and was with another young doctor (probably a resident).  Seriously it felt like I was having 2 students work on me.  Anyways the doctor then says she can't see any SCH so I left not knowing what to believe.  Either this woman is blind or my SCH is too small to see which I can't believe with how much I have bled and spotted for so long.

So I get sent home with not really any new news.  Baby is alive so they were happy.  I don't know what to do.  After I got home the bleeding had slowed down to spotting again.  Then last night it turned red again for a brief time and then today back to brown and I was still cramping on and off so I went back on crinone and called the pharmacy to have another 2 week supply sent on Monday.  This should bring me until 16 weeks almost and I am going to ask my doctor at the next appt if I can start the progesterone shots after this.  I know that they only do it for woman who have had preterm labour so not sure if he will agree since I had 0 labour signs last pregnancy and the pregnancy only ended at 31 weeks because the doctors made it by doing a c-section.  However I don't know maybe this pregnancy is different and I will end up with preterm labour because of this lingering SCH. 

Anyways, I have been under a lot of stress lately because of events that have happened this week which haven't helped and I do blame on my bleeding getting worse.  On Monday my dd got a scratch on her face from a door falling.  It was only a bit swollen and red on Monday.  Tuesday there was a bruise.  I took her to school that afternoon and told her teachers.  I was scared what they would think, but they were very understanding.  I was also out all day Tuesday dealing with my car and running other errands.  Then on Wednesday we had the NT scan again.  Came home just in time to eat lunch and then we had a girl come that afternoon to interview for a babysitting job.  I had posted 2 ads on care.com last week.  One for a babysitter and one for a housekeeper since I am on restricted activity and can't do any housework.  Anyways everything seemed okay when the girl was here.  We spent 20 min talking and showing her the house.  The next day my inlaws came over because we needed to pick up the bed we brought last Sunday.  While dh and FIL did that MIL helped clean up the place.  Then at 3 just before we were about to leave the door knocked.  I assumed it was probably ups or fedex since I had to place a few orders in the last few days.  Instead it was a social worker from children services.  Appartently that girl that came to interview for the babysitting job the day before called child services on us because of dd's bruise and our place being messy.  The woman wanted to look around and since we had nothing to hide I let her in thinking this will put an end to this stupid claim.  The only thing messy about our place were some toys on the floor (most were picked up that morning so it wasn't that bad), dishes in kitchen from the last couple of days since we have been too busy to do them, dd had wiped off her sheets when she was down for her nap a few minutes before, and there were some of her clothes lying on the floor in her room - they were clean clothes that she pulled out of the drawer and I haven't had time to put back).  They also didn't like that there is a mattress in the living room.  I told her that FIL is here temporary until the end of the month and that is where he is sleeping (guess they thought dd was sleeping there).  I told the social worker I had been on bedrest for 7 weeks and was looking for a housekeeper.  I really didn't think given being on bedrest for so long that our place looked that bad with a toddler that can destroy a room in 5 minutes.  I had hoped the case would be dropped there, but I guess not.  The woman said that they have services to help us.  I asked if they can help us find a housekeeper and they said no but they have other services to help.  After looking online I found out what these so called services are (parenting classes, mental health evaluations, victim classes and drug and alcohol support).  So yesterday when I was leaving the hospital a case worker called and I have to call her back to set up a time to meet us.  I am at least glad we get to scheduled a time instead of them popping in unannounced, but still really pissed and upset with this whole experience.  I already have enough complications with this pregnancy I don't need the added stress of a child services investigation as well when the last thing we would ever do is abuse or neglect our child that we worked so hard to have and I am so pissed that someone who doesn't know us and was only here for 20 minutes could potentially ruin our lives like this because of jumping to conclusions over my dd's bruise and our place needing a little cleaning which I was trying to look for someone to help.  I had also told that girl all this when she first came on Wednesday, but guess me telling her these things didn't make her understand since she must have called the minute she left and got home.  I am also upset that this is taking up their resources when they could be using it on investigating real child abuses and kids that need help.  Heck I live in a very poor city and I could bet that 40% of the parents here are drug addicts (I know the obgyn clinic here is loaded with druggie pregnant women since my old obgyn used to work down here and couldn't stand it since the women wouldn't stop taking heroin or crack to help their growing baby inside them).  No instead of investigating these parents they are going after me and dh who do everything for our child and I take her all over the state every week for her therapies and doctor appts to help her since EI can only offer her 4.5 hours a week.  I guess this is why children end up dying in abused homes because cps is too busy going after families that have some toys and clothes on the floor and a few days of dirty dishes in the kitchen.