CD 3 and intro

I want a place where I can talk about my ivf journey since I can't tell most people in my everyday life.

I will start from the beginning.  We were married in September 2008 and discovered that December that dh has severe mfi.  In March we met with a RE for the first time and did our first ivf cycle April 2009.  Two day 2 embryos were transferred and I became pregnant with a singleton.  Unfortunately 2 months later we found out our baby had died.  I had to have a d&c and when my cycle returned a month later we started on another round of ivf.  This time I only had two embryos.  They were both transferred on day 3 and both struck.  When I was 18 weeks, at our anatomy scan, we found out one of our babies wasn't growing.  Baby B (who we later found out was a boy and we named Caleb) was measuring 3 weeks behind.  I had a doppler at home and contined to listen to both heartbeats each day until my followup u/s.  3 weeks went by and during Christmas dinner was the last time I felt him move.  The next morning I couldn't register a heartbeat and it was confirmed he had died when we went for the f/u u/s 3 days later.  A month after Caleb's passing I developed severe pre-eclampsia which put me in the hospital and caused me to have an emergency c-section at 31 weeks to save mine and my daughter's life.

My daughter is now 22 months old (today) and doing well despite her prematurity, though she does have a major language delay.  Since I am getting older and my ovaries didn't respond so good 3 years ago when we cycled when I was only 30 I figured it is best not to put off trying for another much longer so on December 16 we went back to the RE to discuss another round of ivf.  Since I was on day 6 that day they decided it was best to put off my testing until my next cycle which started 2 days ago so that is why today I had to go in for a ton of bloodwork and u/s to check that everything looks good.

I should find out the results in the next few hours.  Getting kind of worried since if my hormones come back too high it means we won't be able to cycle anymore.  They are also going to check me for APA.  The RE thinks that this may have caused the problems that happened in my last pregnancy since our son had severe placenta insufficiency that caused his death.  It would be nice to have an answer that will prevent the same thing from happening again, but also with that it will be hard to know that Caleb's death could have been prevented. 

Sometimes I wonder if I want to have another child because it will give me a chance to have a boy again.  I don't think I have totally wrapped my head around that he is gone and not coming back.