11w6d

I had my NT today, but unfortunately the baby wasn't co-operating. She had me roll over a number of times, drink apple juice (I hate apple juice since the age of 6), and walk down the hall a few times (which I think she used as an excuse to have a coffee break).
After about 30 minutes of this she said that she was going to stop and reschedule so I have to go back next Wednesday.
I don't really understand why she wanted the baby to move so much. It looked like it was moving, but she said it was just sleeping and lying with its head up and tucked in a fetal position (well of course it is a fetus). You can see I didn't really care for the tech.

Anyways I am glad to get another scan in before the anatomy scan. I will be 13 weeks next Wednesday. Anyways dh was a bit concerned because the baby was only measuring 11w4d when I am 11w6d today. I know this doesn't mean much, but when you have had a severe growth restricted baby before that happened early on it is something you worry about the same thing happening again. Hopefully on next week's scan he/she will be measuring exact for the days.

And I asked her to measure the SCH but she wouldn't saying the scan was only for the NT measurement and I would need my doctor to order a separate scan for the SCH. I don't understand this since it takes 2 seconds to measure something. I pray next time we get a different tech and she is much better.

11w5d

My appt went okay, again not the greatest, but definately not the worst.

First the bad
- had to wait for ever. Took 40 minutes after my time til they called me back and then it was another 30 minute wait for the doctor after they did the inital bp, weight and pee in a cup. I don't know if it is because it was an emergency appt so they might have already been booked and just squeezed me in, plus being a Monday probably doesn't help either. Anyways, I was pretty pissed about this because I already have a busy day and got an emergency call this morning that I had to squeeze in on my lunch time.
- my doctor will not increase the frequency of my appts or let me have a big scan to check on growth or the SCH between the NT scan tomorrow and the anatomy scan in 6 weeks. I was very upset about this because I don't want another experience like last time where I go for the anatomy and find out the baby is measuring 3 weeks small.
All he said is he will do a bedside u/s when I come for my appt in September but that doesn't help much since you can't really tell growth on that machine.
- he did do use the portable u/s today, but I couldn't see anything because of the glare on the screen. However, this isn't too upsetting since I have my NT scan tomorrow morning so I could really have cared less about seeing anything today.

Now the good
- When he used the u/s he couldn't see the SCH so he said that it is likely under 1cm then because that is the lowest his machine reads. We should get the exact measurements tomorrow.
- my 24 hr urine and liver and kidney values from last week came back good - no surprise here though since they were only done for a baseline and I would have been shocked if I had pre-e already.
- he will increase my appt frequently if something comes back bad on the NT tomorrow, so praying that everything looks good.
- I was able to talk to the insurance lady and found out that they will take Masshealth even though they are in RI so don't have to worry about my insurance not being accepted when our old insurance runs out sometime in September.

11w4d

So the brown spotting stopped yesterday early afternoon and stayed away all night, but now it is back again this morning.  I am not too surprised because this is how it was like after my last bleeds.  I was lucky if I made it 24 hours without spotting.  I am at least glad it is only brown so hopefully this is just the left over blood from Wednesday's bleed. 

I sprained my toe yesterday morning on dh's shoe just as we were leaving to do the housecall so since I got back home yesterday I have hardly been able to walk and my toe is all purple.  At least it is good for keeping me bedridden, but it is very hard to be bedridden when you have to take care of a toddler all day.  I have no choice but to constantly get up and down with dd because she keeps taking things out of the fridge, etc.

I go back to the doctor's tomorrow.  Really hoping that I can get him to realize he needs to see me more often.  I do have another problem which I am not sure what to do about.  I received my Masshealth package on Friday and I need to chose a health plan by this Wednesday (ya the letter was dated August 15, but I didn't get it until the 24th and they need it back by the 29th - not sure how that is possible).  Anyways, at first I am not even sure if they will let me do it since I currently have HP, but that won't last, but I know I can't get on a health plan as long as the HP is active.

Now this isn't that big of a deal, but the problem is all the health plans only list doctors in MA.  I am going to RI for this pregnancy so I don't know what to do.  The only high risk doctors are either in Providence or Boston and where we live in MA Providence is 1/3 the distance of Boston and when you are talking about being high risk and needing to go to the doctors sometimes multiple times a week I really can't see a doctor in Boston and no regular ob will even touch me now that I have the high risk classification.  So tomorrow when I go to the doctor I am going to see if they can suggest what to do, if not it looks like I will need to call MassHealth - which I am not sure when I can do this because my Monday and Tuesday this week is booked solid, so that leaves Wednesday as the earliest day and they need the form back on Wednesday.

Anyways, I don't think it will be a big problem.  I have had Masshealth billed at RI hospital before for dd's and dh's urology appts so I am sure they will be able to take it, just may be more red tape to go through.  However, I can't possibly be the only one in this situation.  I know St. Luke's sends all their high risk mothers and babies to W&I and doubt none of them are on Masshealth.

11w2d

I am really getting pissed that so far most of my whole summer has been spent lying on the couch.
DH has to go grocery shopping alone today since I can't risk going again.  At least for the last 3 weeks we were all able to go together, but now it is back to relying on dh totally.

I do have to do the dishes and laundry today though since they haven't been done since Wednesday.  Today I have only had a little bit of spotting - either red or brown so at least no bleeds, but I constantly think I am going to bleed again.  I am cramping which isn't fun.  It is like pre-AF cramps so not extreme, but definately uncomfortable and it worries me since it is a sign that the blood is irritating the uterus.  I ordered another box of crinone yesterday and had the pharmacy deliver it same day.  It arrived shortly after 3 in the afternoon, but I had to wait until 4 to use it since dd's therapists were still here.  I believe that the progesterone is at least helping with the cramps because they were pretty bad before I put in yesterday's dose and then it eased up a ton.  Today I plan to put one in at noon time and then tomorrow start first thing in the morning after getting ready.

I am really hoping the bleeding stays away since I have to do this call tomorrow and so I will be gone for 3.5 hours in the morning.  I don't want to make the SCH worse, but I can't change the appt.  Only way I would cancel is if I start bleeding very very heavy and have to go back to the hospital, then I will have no choice :(  I just pray that this will be the end of complications for this pregnancy.  I am so worried about having to be put on hospital bedrest because my business won't be able to survive and I know dh can not handle the household, taking care of dd, and doing his school work.

We got into a fight yesterday because dh had to clean up before dd's therapists came.  He had to go to the doctors yesterday because he is on ritalin and I guess his bp was threw the roof.  Ya, no surprise there.  DH can't handle everyday normal stress because of his ADHD so when there are extra things on top of that it causes him to go off the deep end.  So then he says I don't care about his health because I wouldn't let him quit yesterday instead of waiting until the 30th.  I told him then he shouldn't have broke my laptop and if he wanted to quit a week early then he would need to come up with the $350 for my laptop another way - this made him even more angry.  I told him he doesn't care about my health by constantly sitting in the living room when he knew I was bedrest and yelling at me raising my bp.  It seems when I need dh the most is when he is the least helpful :(
I can't wait until he can get a new psychiatist, but don't see that happening before the end of the year.

At least her therapist yesterday said she is taking 2 weeks off so this means that for the next 2 weeks we don't have to worry about any therapists coming to the house and having to clean up.  Hopefully this gives me some time to hunt for a housekeeper to keep up with such things so I don't have to rely on dh.

11w1d

Well turns out I got my u/s and my appt moved up from September 17, but I wish it didn't happen as it did.

I have not had any spotting for 3 weeks and no bleeding for 4 weeks and was really starting to enjoy myself and thought the worst was over when out of no where last night it happened.  I was on the phone with my aunt when I felt a gush.  At first I thought I just had a large gush of cervical mucus, but then I started to worry about my water breaking so I felt my crotch and it was wet so then I thought "did I just pee myself", but then when I looked it was bright red blood.  Made worse because I was wearing white capris.

So immediately off to the ER I went.  I only live a minute away from our local hospital so that helped.  When I got there I was immediately taking into triage and when my pressures came back super high (156/100 - likily because the bleeding upset me) and when they found out that I am high risk and my previous pregnancy history I was immediately rushed back into a bed and had 4 nurses there taking information and my vitals.  Needless to say I was shocked at how quickly they responded since I always have to wait 2-4 hours in the waiting room before being taken back.  Even a few months ago when my daughter fell down the stairs they made us wait for 4 hours in the waiting room and I almost walked out twice.  Trust me after last night I think I may have to change my opinion of St. Luke's (okay maybe I won't go that far because I am still mad at how they almost cost mine and dd's life last pregnancy, but it was still nice to be treated with such great service yesterday).  Even when they were taking me back to the bed after waiting 10 min after the bloodwork they apolized about the wait, I was thinking "wtf, what wait, I didn't even have to sit in the waiting room once".

Anyways, the baby is still okay.  I didn't really get to see the u/s, but the tech did put the sound on so I could hear the hb so at least I knew the baby was still alive.  She says my SCH is small, but wouldn't give me the measurements, so not sure if it had grown since 2 weeks ago, but I can't see how it couldn't since I bled so heavily and never had that before - my earlier bleeds were always just very light flow and usually only when I urinated, not like this gushing out of no where. 

This morning the bleeding seemed to have died down, but is still a red bleed.  I am upset that this happened again when I thought the SCH was all over and now I have to be back on bedrest and can't do anything.  I really can't live my whole pregnancy like this.  This afternoon dd's therapist is coming and our place is a mess.  Well a mess is an understatement.  It looks like a tornado has sweeped through it or like on the show Hoarders where they have to take brooms to sweep everything into the trash - that is what it is like.  MIL says just to throw everything in the corner, but it is already like that, plus more.  The whole perimeter of our downstairs is full of piles of different toys pieces, garbage, utenils (because dd likes to take out the spoons and forks and throw them around), papers, clothes, and everything else you can think of or not.  I am going to have to tell her therapist why today which I am not looking forward to, but probably best I do say something.  At least I am not 5 weeks still like I was when I had to tell her speech therapist.

I also have a housecall on Saturday and really can't cancel it.  It isn't about the money, but about the animals and the owner called last week for the appt (it was their choice to wait until the 25th though).  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to risk the baby or starting gushing again when I am there, but plus really don't want to cancel because as of right now I am booked until next Friday.

11 weeks

Yesterday I collected my urine and had to take it in this morning.  I must say doing 24 hr urines in one of the grossest things.  I had to do 3 last pregnancy and pray that I won't develop pre-eclampsia this time and won't have to do anymore, though I know that is a long shot.

The one thing that collecting my urine for a day teaches me though is I really don't drink enough.  I was getting worried that I only produced like 350 ml throughout the whole day yesterday.  I did do 500 over night so that helped, but it is still on the low end, but at least it isn't decreased output.  Really worried there may be something wrong with my kidneys, though it may just be I am not drinking enough.  It is very hard during the day with dd since she will constantly spill my drinks and wreck things so I have to keep my cup on top of the fridge and really don't feel like always having to get up and go in there to drink.

I brought a bp machine yesterday.  I haven't started using it yet since I just had my pressure done on Monday, but will probably start using it when I turn 12 weeks.  I figure this is the least I can do since I have to wait 4 weeks to be checked again - something I am still not happy about.

The hospital called this morning when I was out to confirm appts.  DH picked up which I was surprised, but then he never wrote down the message and all he said is I had an appt on Tuesday, in September, and then in October.  I know about the first two, but not October.  I was very annoyed with dh that if he is going to answer the phone at least write down the message or remember it and not assume I will know.  So then I had to call the hospital and try and find out who made the call.  Turns out they booked an u/s for October 10.  Not quite sure what for, guessing this is the anatomy scan.  I am kind of annoyed about this since I would be 18 weeks then, and I really would have liked to have a growth scan at 16 weeks and then the anatomy at 20 weeks.  The way they have it will create a 6 week gap between scans and last pregnancy I had a 7 week gap between NT scan and anatomy scan and this is when we found out ds growth had stopped 3 weeks before.  I don't want to have the same thing happen again.  Anyways, I am not going to do anything about it right now since this date and scan may change since my insurance will be different and they thought I would still be on the Harvard Pilgrim so now I have to wait and see what will happen and when I will lose the HP.  I do plan on asking the doctor on the 17th for a scan to check on growth before the end of September and I am not going to take no for an answer.  Seriously I can't lose this baby especially for something stupid like this with doctors not taking my concerns seriously.  No wonder ob's are the highest sued doctors. 

10w5d

Well my appt was okay, not the greatest. They did all the basic first prenatal appt stuff. He then tried to see the hb with the portable u/s machine, but it wasn't working well. Screen was fuzzy and could only see the sac. So then he asked if I was able to hear already with the doppler and I said yes. I last found the hb at 6:30 this morning since I like to listen before going on to an appt. So then he tried the doppler and picked up the placenta artery so he was pleased. I really wished I could have had an u/s though since I wanted to check on the baby's growth and the SCH. I could use a doppler at home. Then he made the next appt for 4 weeks away which I asked to be seen sooner and he said that no there isn't much that can be done in early pregnacy. He also said that he will start doing twice weekly NST at 32 weeks and scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. I wasn't too impressed with this. My last pregnancy I was getting 3 NST a day starting at 29 weeks and had a c-section at 31 weeks. Though I don't want to give birth preterm again, I also would like more involved monitoring since things started going down hill last time at the end of the first trimester/start of 2nd trimester. I also showed him ds's autopsy report and then he tells me that they can't really tell why a baby dies at 21 weeks when it says very clearly in the autopsy report the placenta was entirely infarcted and that the cause of death was placenta insufficiency.

So over all I wasn't too impressed with the doctor or how the place was run. I had to wait 30 minutes for a blood draw. I really think this is the only ob place in Providence from how busy it was and really don't think all those women there could really be high risk.

The only thing different he is doing for me right now is checking out my organ levels and doing a 24 hour urine to get a baseline so if I do develop pre-eclampsia again he will know what my regular numbers are.

Also my weight is 226 which is almost back to my prepregnancy weight so I was happy about that. Though I was 220 three weeks ago, at least over all I haven't gainned anything this pregnancy compared to my starting weight.

I have my NT scan next Tuesday so that is the only thing making me okay with not getting an u/s today. Unfortunately I had dh take today off work to come with me and I didn't even need him - they didn't even let him come back into the room with me so he just sat in the waiting room the whole time. And now I will need him for next Tuesday, but he can't take another day off work.