22w4d

10 days from viability and 2 weeks from my next u/s.  I really hope that everything is still doing well with the baby.  This is such a worry.  My bp has been good on my home machine so hoping that it is accurate.

These past few days I have been reminded about everything that can go wrong.  Had my monthly loss group on Thursday night.  I prayed for no new members since I didn't want to tell our story or hear everyone else's again.  Luckily there wasn't anybody new - probably the only good thing about the group no longer being done at the hospital and new loss mothers therefore not being told about it.

The latest member who's son was stillborn this summer just found out she is pregnant again.  I was so happy for her.  It is funny how when people in the general public get pregnant it bothers me, but for these women I am thrilled.  Even one has b/g twins after her loss of her first daughter and she is the only twin mom that I am happy for.  I didn't add her as a friend though for the longest time on fb though, until just recently.  However it doesn't bother me seeing her twins.  I think because the boy looks so much different.  The whole family is dark haired (being Portugese) and the boy has blond hair.  Because her twins look so different it doesn't seem like they are twins.

The women who just lost her son just found out what killed him.  I guess his blood left his body and entered hers so he died of profound blood loss.  I guess it is a fluke event so she feels better, however me being pregnant this news scares the crap out of me.  Here now is another thing that can happen in any pregnancy with no warning and nothing that anybody can do about it if it is severe enough like it was in her case.   It is just worrisome that there is never a safe time that everything will be okay and doing all the right things means nothing.

Then just this morning I log onto fb to post a funny comment about dd and I see my one aunt posting to my other aunt making reference that my cousin's newborn baby just died.  She was only 10 days old.  I can't even imagine that.  I must admit I wasn't very happy with my aunt over these past 6 months about how she would post so many status updates about her dd and her big pregnant belly.  Not to mention the dd is mentally unstable and has went from one guy to another guy for the past 3 years (getting engaged to the first 2 after dating a month, setting the wedding date for 6 months later, and then calling off the wedding and breaking up with the guy 5 months later).  However no one should ever have to bare this pain of losing a child, especially one after carrying for 9 months and being born and thinking everything is finally fine.